Pixxxel Porn, Etc.

Today is one of those days where no matter how hard I try, nothing is coming out right. I have at least five thoughtful, intelligent posts lined up for you guys, but every time I sit down to write, the words come out garbled a la The Peanuts -- "waa wa, wa wa waa wah wa waaaaaah." Therefore I have no choice but to employ Plan B: Blind you with boobies. And unicorns. And animals with sugar on top. With any luck these ingredients -- all courtesy of super talented and super disturbed photographer JeanYves Lemoigne -- will combine seamlessly to create the perfect Friday post.

Um, that's some very nice wallpaper you have there... Didn't get your fill of golden weewaws and bajingos on Wednesday? Lemoigne's PIXXXEL series might help you fill in the gaps.

Somehow these images manage to pull together a mesmerizing triumvirate of attributes: Porn (no need to explain here), pixels (please see Designer's Brew's excellent post on the pixel trend), and hawt interiors. I mean, seriously, check out that table and the acres of walnut grain! Vavavavoom!

Is there something wrong with me that I really am agog at the design and styling choices in these photos?

I feel like she's trying to distract me with something here, but all I can really focus on is the fireplace treatment...

Whew, all that decor porn is fatiguing me! I feel the need for some light and refreshing imagery to cleanse my, uh, palette. Unicorns are light and refreshing, right?

Except when they're homeless unicorns.

Apparently, even supernatural creatures are not immune to the recession. Bummer

Maybe the last unicorn has been hiding out under the bridge downtown all this time. That's probably because we've already cut down most of our forests, and the poor homeless unicorns have nowhere else to go. Of course, the hard hearted would tell them to just get a damn job and stop draining "the system," but you know? It's hard being a unicorn.

Perhaps it's time for a comedic interlude.

Animals doing human things are funny!

I have a serious ant problem that I CANNOT get rid of, and I have a feeling this fella may be able to help me out. Think he and my feral feline friend would get along?

Ok, as promised I've brought you pixel porn, unicorns and animals. Time for the sugar on top!

The only problem is that it's toxic.

Of course, even a Hazmat warning label and a pegged Geiger Counter wouldn't be enough to keep me out of the sugar bowl. Not by a long shot.

Like this family, I plan to enjoy the sweet, sweet goodness of sugar whatever the ill effects. I'm not going to let little things like cellulite or hellacious bouts of insomnia stop me from consuming mountains of pancakes all weekend long. Just be sure and check back on Tuesday to make sure that I'm still alive, ok?

Thanks!

Open house, insert pool.

Hello blogsters!

*not Designers' Brew*

I am beyond honored to be hosting guest blogging Design Crisis while Karly is surfing the slopes and getting spanked on spiked hot cider out in Vail; I've got a great post lined up for you this morning, complete with a very special musical guest:

They're maniacs on the kazoo.

But before we get to that, let me give you the obligatory self-promotion plug: I'm a recovering English major, shoe addict, and NYC interior designer, and I blog over at Designers' Brew, where I thrash out all the good, bad and hilarious that the design world has to offer. Hope to see you there!

There's only one thing left to say: LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SPRINGTIME AT DESIGN CRISIS!!!

I know it's only March 12, but don't care what the calendar says; we've had our first two warm days here in New York, thus officially kicking off an awkward month and a half of denial wherein I dress way too lightly for the weather and clatter around the city in bare legs and heels, shivering uncontrollably and acting offended by the cold.

Yep, I'm done with winter, and am already dreaming about warm summer days, long weekends away, and visits to friends with pools and rivers to splash in, so I've pulled together a sampling of all of those things to get your engines revving.

First up, one of the most breathtaking houses I've seen in a long time: Vancouver-based Patkau Architects' Shaw House.

That is a pool. Floating over the entrance to the house, casting dancing, flickering, transparent shadows over the walkway below.

The interior's not half-bad, either:

Full of restless, shifting shapes that are subtly evocative of the shadowy water play outside:

And lest you think that this spectacular piece of architecture is shuffled away in some sightless suburb, never fear--here is the view.

Should you get a yearning to stretch your fins beyond the confines of the glass-bottomed pool, you have an entire bay to conquer--so get swimming!

Here are some other houses where the transition between water and structure is almost erased, creating a sophisticated play of transparency and reflection:

Jacob Termansen photography

Jacob Termansen photography

Inside Out

Mads Mogensen photography

Marmol Radziner

Olson Sundberg Kundig Allen

Roger Davies photography

Inside Out

Or, if turn-of-the-century Belle Epoque grandeur is more your vibe, you can't do better than the indoor pool at Hearst Castle:

The walls are covered with a king's ransom in mosaic tiles, many of them containing actual gold:

Here it is at night; can't you just imagine languidly splashing back and forth in the semi-darkness, the lamplight glinting off the brilliant, faceted tile, turning the pool into a magical Aladdin's cave for you and the companion of your choice (I don't know, do the words "pool" and "gold" bring anyone to mind for you?).

Sigh. Oh, sigh. Only two more months till the weather turns warm for real. I will be counting the days...

It's Getting Gold in Here

Since Karly's gone, I thought I would do my best to gold up this hizzy in her honor. Goldeness may be next to Godliness because it's all about surface, so it only take a cheapo can of spray paint to turn even the most ordinary object into something that looks expensive and klassy. If the recession depression is getting you down, hustle out and spend $5 to give something the Midas touch. You know it's going to make you feel better. I'm here to help you pull the paint trigger with some scintillating finds that are designed to bring the bling back into your life.

Zany Dutchman Marcel Wanders contradicts the age old aphorism that, "You can't polish a turd." Well, apparently you can!

Richard Powers

Boyfriend's big black speakers getting you down? Surely he wouldn't mind a bit if you got after those nasty cases with some super shiny lussssster. Tip: wait until he goes out on a late night bar crawl to transform his AV equipment. Men can get a little touchy about their electronics, so best to let him booze it up a little. High Five sure to follow!

Once your golden piece de resistance is finis, you may want to protect it from his angry adoring clutches with a fabulous fence. Demakersvan makes gorgeously crocheted fences out of plastic coated wire in a variety of designs, including this golden girl.

While you've got the paint out, why not take a cue from these guerrilla artists and put gold back on the streets. Oh, and please start at Wall Street...

Because we surely need some gold back in our banks! This gold painted ATM is probably worth more than the "money" inside it.

Speaking of gluttony and financial ruin, Studio Job has got those bank bitches' number with their piece, Robber Baron. Holy crackatoly, do you see the tiny guns, atomic stars, airplanes, and other symbols of technology gone horribly awry? I desperately need this as a coffee table. Since this piece costs more than a bank (which isn't that hard these days), I'll be busy trying to figure out how I'm going to make this myself.

Per Ranung

While I try to reinvent the wheel, I think anyone could handle this as an at home project: whip out the paint can to emphasize va-va-volume in sculptures. Glossy surfaces always look rounder than matte ones. Let the model instruct you on how best to apply this rule to your fashion decisions.

If you accidentally get some paint on the floor, don't worry! Just go ahead and spread it everywhere. If Dolce and Gabbana can have a solid gold bedroom, so can you.

Perhaps you'd prefer something more precious and smaller in scale, like these rings from jewelry designer Gisele Ganne's Divorce series. Just slip on these gold knuckles and leave a lasting impression on your significant ex's face.

I also love that Ricochet Studio isn't afraid to take a golden shower. I really covet Accident for my little boy's nursery because -- as the designers themselves acknowledge -- it happens.

Ricochet makes all kinds of oddly twisted ceramics with a golden flourish, like this Urn with an intestinal interior. Love these guys. Found via Sara Says Awesome's quirky blog.

For fine details like those on the Ricochet pieces, may I recommend you dispense with the spray paint and switch to Rub 'N' Buff, the most amazing product in the universe. No, I do not get paid to advertise their wares, but I should (wink) because I have covered everything from frames and knobs to thrift store junque to all manner of TJ Maxx and Ross' craptacular "goods" with the Buffer. You will be amazed at how much a tiny tube will cover.

Like, I'm pretty sure the artist responsible for this travesty could have saved himself a whole lot of money:

Yes, Mark Quinn's solid gold Kate Moss statue has an estimated worth of $10 million pounds. It probably would have cost less to buy Miss Moss herself and coat her and her naughty bits in Rub 'N' Buff. After all, odds are that it would only take one tube to do the whole job.