Crap I'm Thinking About Buying

It's no secret around these parts that I am cheap.  I mean really, really cheap.  I can't think of a single item in my home, aside from mattresses and electronics, that weren't purchased at a thrift store, flea market or garage sale.  Sometimes I'll pick up goodies at Marshalls or TJ Maxx, but usually if they're on sale.  For me, shopping for my home isn't just about finding awesome items, it's about finding awesome items at an even more awesome price.  It has nothing to do with my income, I just love it.  If finding deals were an ultimate sport, I'd be draft pick numero uno every year, which is good because I suck at real sports.  Yuck, dirty. Even though I would never buy any of the goods I show you all daily, every once in a while I find something online, something that has (gasp!) never been owned by another person, and, well the price isn't so bad.  That is when I do something really bizarre:  I think about buying it.  

Without further ado, I give you my newest DC column:  Crap I'm Thinking About Buying.  You guys decide.

Aurel Schmidt's door-sized print, Supernatural has been begging to live out it's years in my living room for sometime now.  At only $90 for 7 square feet of badassicalness, it is totally absurd that I do not own it.  But every time I hover over "add to cart" I think, shit, how am I going to frame it? 

What do you say, Supernatural:  Buy?  Don't Buy?

When I was putting together my How-To post the other day, I came across this 72" wide beauty on ebay.  I know, I know, who the hell needs 2 giant tapestries?  You kids are barking up the wrong tree:  I aready own, like, 8 or 10 (a bit smaller, of course).  But look at how big and pretty it is.  With a current auction price of $14.99, this little gem could bring some much needed color to my dining room.

Another Tapestry:  Buy?  Put it Down and Walk Away?

Ok, this little beauty isn't really open for debate, as I already told the artist, Hope Perkins, that Tiger in Bed has found it's forever home in my bedroom.  Once he comes down from his current show, he'll be mine forever.  (and for only $250!) Check out more pieces from her show HERE

Tiger In Bed:  Not Open For Discussion

There is a bar in Austin with a giant plastic horse head hanging on the wall.  I almost made my way out with it one night until the bartender grew a conscience and changed his mind.  I made it mission #1 to find the horse head on my own.  Once I found him at this prop shop, I was crestfallen at his $319 price tag.  Couple that with the fact that I did just get a 3' tall brass pony and one has to start to wonder:  how many horse replicas does one girl really need?  (I can't believe I just typed that) 

So, what do you say, Horse Head Mount: Buy or Don't Buy (you guys really can't let me buy this)

Almost as practical as a giant horse head is this oversized pair of scissors, which I found on (wait for it) Great Big Stuff dot com.  At $219, the mere fact that I'm even considering these scissors confounds me.  But! Guess what! For only $10 more you can upgrade to GOLD handles.  Yes-sir-e-bob, great big stuff dot com, that sounds like a deal to me.

Verdict, Giant Scissors: Yes! No!

Elle Decor South Africa featured these hand beaded animals on their blog a while ago, at $24 US per toy, these little guys are easier for me to stomach.  Oh, and the money goes to support women and their families living with HIV in South Africa, so, we can feel all warm and fuzzy about saying yes to these guys.

Life Saving Animals:  Yes? No? 

Recently, I was helping my mother find a new couch online, not one to normally shop for couches outside of craigslist, I was amazed at how many decent options there were at reasonable prices.  Of course, rather than finding a couch I really need, I found this little Escala Seat.  Now, I really don't think I could bring myself to spend $875 for an indoor / outdoor seat, but it would be pretty perfect for the nook in my bedroom.

Dudes, you're up, Escala Seat: Yay or Nay

While on the same mom-couch-hunting-mission, I also found these couches that I would happily replace my (tres uncomfortable) living room couch with.  I know, I know, a white couch?  I'm pretty sure that I've proven with my choices up until now that I don't put a very high premium on practicality.  

I do like how deep the top couch, the Spazio is, but at $2000, I don't think I could bring myself to write the check.  The bottom couch (bye bye flower pillows), the Sebastian, is much more reasonable at only $1,234

You guys can vote, but I'm not going to buy them.

Ok, here's something I really and truly am going to buy:  tile for my fire place.  Both samples above are mirrored, affordable, and (guess what!?!?!?!) on sale at glass tile oasis.  On the left, we have the gold mirrored tile I'm considering for the living room.  I like it, it's lovely BUT, I do have a lot of gold in there, and I'm a little worried about what gold mirror tile will do to the resale value of my home.

On the right I have black mirror tile which is absolutely going to be purchased for my bedroom, no questions asked.  I'm checking out as you read this.

So, the vote gets fancy this time, Gold Mirror Tile for the living room:  Do it! Do it! OR, No, it's just way too much look, sister.

PS, if not gold mirror, than what should I use.  See my living room HERE (psst, there's a lot more stuff in there now and the fireplace has been painted white)

Ok, I actually had a couple more things to show you today, but I feel like I might be overwhelming you, as I have myself, with too many options.  So, you guys go calculate, do some math, and let me know what to buy.  I'll save the rest of the items for our next installment.  Unless you think this column is as crappy as it's title.

Shangri La Di Dah

These days, even a cave dweller could throw a rock and hit a tribbleload of Moroccan pouffles:

But global chic wasn't always so in vogue. It's refreshing to see a return to interesting -- even decorative -- objects after suffering through the ironic minimalism of the cash rich 90's and early, uh, aughts? 00's? What do you call this decade? At any rate, it's funny how poverty inspires one to hoard stuff. Your grandma wasn't collecting all those foiled gum wrappers for nothing, you know. During the great depression, Doris Duke, the richest girl in the world, began hoarding objects (and houses) with a vengeance. And there was nary a gum wrapper among them.

The only child of a tobacco heiress, Duke inherited $100 million dollars when her father died (of lung cancer, perhaps?) when she was only 12. That's over a billion clams in today's currency, which she promptly put to good use by suing her mother and taking over her father's estates. I like this girl already. After marrying in the early 1930's, she honeymooned around the world and was inspired by Islamic art and architecture, which led to her construction of the Shangri La estate in Honolulu, now a public museum.

If you were a good little schoolgirl or boy, you read your Lost Horizon and know that Shangri La is a hidden paradise. Located on 5 acres in the posh Black Point neighborhood, Duke's version fronts the ocean and has insane views of Diamond Head Crater. Hideous, I tell you. But even more impressive than the outside is the inside, which is literally stuffed to the gills with a treasure trove of Islamic artifacts and decor.

(Sorry for the rather wee images -- the estate doesn't allow you to take pictures inside, and the ones they provide online are mega TINY.) Hopefully you can see that every square inch of this place is decorated with murals, artwork, sculptures, and amazing textiles.

Are those pouffles centered around a hookah? Doris Duke wouldn't be above taking a toke with the local boyz, for sure. In an age of limited roles for women, she used her money to do things us contemporary ladies take for granted, like become the first female surfing champion.

That would be her with handsome local boy and Olympic medalist cum surfing tutor extraordinaire, Duke Kahanamoku.

Meow! Supposedly then married D. Duke and unmarried playboy Duke K. (there's a joke in there somewhere) were getting it on, and he may have even fathered her child, Arden, who died after a premature childbirth.

If only these pillows could talk...

At least the walls talk, telling tales of Moroccan design and history. Addtionally, the home holds collections of Turkish and Spanish ceramics and Iranian tiles.

As soon as I can figure out how to either A) paint ceramic tiles or B) hire the neighborhood kids at slave rates to paint my ceramic tiles, I plan to coat the exterior of my home in a fabulous mosaic extravaganza. It will probably look like my cat threw up on the walls, but what the hell.

While I'm at it, I may as well add a pergola to shelter my hookahfied evenings from prying eyes.

Or maybe I should erect a tent fit for a desert king, complete with amazing textiles that screen my floor to ceiling windows from ocean views? I may need to figure out how to fit an ocean into my backyard first. Trivial.

For a lady born with a silver spoon, Doris Duke did ok. In current times, us plebes may have the overwhelming desire to douse the rich in haterade, but she managed to live an interesting life and leave a lasting impact on society. Besides surfing, cleaning her own homes, serving overseas in WWII, and founding several charitable organizations, Duke left several properties like Shangri La open to the public.

Plus the lady knew a think or two about how to fix up and look sharp.

When Pigs Fly

Are you pissed these days? Well, I'm totally teed off. Who do those AIG mofos think they are, spending all my (our) money money on fancy getaways and million dollar bonuses? Hell to the no. I really think The Beatles said it best:

Have you seen the little piggies Crawling in the dirt And for all the little piggies Life is getting worse Always having dirt to play around in.

Have you seen the bigger piggies In their starched white shirts You will find the bigger piggies Stirring up the dirt Always have clean shirts to play around in.

In their sties with all their backing They don't care what goes on around In their eyes there's something lacking What they need's a damn good whacking.

Everywhere there's lots of piggies Living piggy lives You can see them out for dinner With their piggy wives Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon.

In the interest of keeping this post design related, I'd like to point out a new trend, possibly influenced by the overwhelming greed exhibited by jerks like these: Pigs.

I think Hannes Grebin is on to something here with his piggy bank, Fat Rosie. She does look a lot like former AIG exec Martin Sullivan, pictured right above her.

Tim Flach Photography

But really, I hate for all pigs to get a bad rap just because some A-holes are methodically destroying our entire economy for their own self interests.

It's ok to like this adorable silver pig clutch by Etsy seller, Tsurubride. It's cute. Perhaps some of that bailout money should go towards purchasing it for me... Would that make me a piggy, too?

And then there's my favorite Piggy Bank -- cast from a real pig that died a natural death -- by Harry Allen, available at Design Public. Oh, I just want to hug him, and squeeze him, and name him Martin. Or Hank. Or Edward. Really any of the AIG guys will do as a namesake.

Send a clear message that gluttony and greed are in fashion with this Oink Pillow from Etsy seller, Bumblejellydesigns.

Or you could really get into the piggish mindset with this Hair Hat from dearly departed designer, Nagi Noda.

While some little piggies may have gone to market, this little piggy stayed home. The Hey-Sign Felt Rug is available in a few different shapes, but I am digging Le Cochon the best.

Perhaps it would be nice to make the piggies fetch and carry for a change. The Pig Table by Front Designs would be happy to hold your watered down well cocktail or light as a feather wallet for you.

Catherine Ledner's idea of barnyard fun is pink and frilly with flowers on top. Who says that pigs is dirty animals?

Meanwhile, Belgian artist Wim Delvoye has some decidedly less orthodox ideas about how to treat pigskin. Harbinger of things to come for scam artist cum jailbirds like Bernie Madoff? Let's hope the AIG swine head in the same direction.

Thanks for letting me vent, friendsies. I'm going to leave you with one tiny parting shot, courtesy of Pan-Dan. It's so good that I'm just going to post the link right here.