Bust Out the Jamz

Well, Karly just screwed me over by writing the best post of the year, and now I have to follow THIS. I hate you, Karly. I mean -- I love you. No, I really do hate you. Are you people out there as inspired as I am to redo your entire house now? As soon as I can figure out what coordinates with the oh so trendy Fisher Price Rainforest Jumperoo (primary colors will come back in style someday, right???), Ima gonna get bizzy. Until then, here's some more heady ideas for sculptures you can stuff into the lonely corners of your home.

Guardian UK

So, is it too early to capitalize on the death of the biggest star in the world? Nah. This is America! Actually, MJ's gold painted plaster bust was slated to sell in the April auction of his possessions, but since the auction was canceled, it's ostensibly still floating around the ether somewhere. Estimate? $100-$150. I have a feeling the price may have gone up since then.

Jane Antoni's Lick and Lather (1993) comprises two self portrait busts, one of chocolate and one of soap. Let's hope she didn't lick the soap, although lathering oneself with chocolate sounds not half bad.

Speaking of deliciousness, this chocolate head by Paul Wayne Gregory would last about 2.2 seconds at my house before someone determined whether the inside holds a sugary Cadbury cream filling. I secretly hope there's a buttery yellow yolk in there somewhere.

In the grand tradition of busts of great heads of state like Lincoln and Napoleon, we have a deftly decorated Delft Lenin. So nice to see his softer side, but I'd love to see him pitted against this guy:

Wax Obama looks like he's getting ready to take a bite out of Communism. Seriously, I like our prez, but did they have to make him look like a jaundiced beaver?

Lego man is ready to sacrifice himself for your good time. Just don't bring him to my house, because Momma don't allow toys with tiny pieces destined to collect dust underneath the couch. At least, that's my stance for today. Ask me how it's going in year when baby Ike throws a tantrum in the middle of the store because he just wants some damn legos.

When superbloggers Molly and Raina come to visit in a few days, we're going skeet shooting Texas style. After seeing these amazing self portraits by Julian Hoeber, I think I have a new project idea.

Ok, I have 3 days to cast a bronze sculpture of myself. I can make it, right?

And let's not forget about my buddy Beethoven. His ubiquity offers many chances for modification... I love the little dude painted black in my dining room, but now I'm coveting Karly's new wave rainbow treatment. Also, I think I need something bigger, so if you guys see something worthy out there, send old Erin a heads up, will ya?

Thrifty Cent

I'm a Gemini.  I'm not so sure I completely believe in all the astrological brew-ha-ha, but I do think there's something to be said for a belief system that resides in the international social subconscious.  Be it the moon's pull or a self-fulfilling prophecy, my Gemini-ness is most evident in my split personalities.  I'm not crazypants, but I do have two equal and opposite forces fighting tooth and nail with in me at all times:  I have expensive taste but I am cheap frugal. Luckily, I have cultivated other characteristics to assist in marginalizing the internal struggle:  I'm a superstar at haggling and I'm not so bad at fixing things up.  Here are 3 projects I've worked on in the last couple of weeks that have satisfied each twin that lives inside this little gemini:

I found this lucite gem at the City Wide Garage Sale last weekend.  Normally I go when the best deals are to be had:  just before close on Sunday.  This time, I tried something different:  I went when the doors opened on Saturday and the, ahem, planets aligned and the gods presented me with this vintage lucite barrel chair.

The price was $130, which is approximately 13 times more than I like to spend on a chair, but my frugal side also knows a good deal when it sees one (similar chairs are going for $800 - $900 online).  I talked them down (of course) to $100 and hauled ass out of the convention center.

Now, don't be fooled by the quasi-good lighting.  That fabric is one thousand percent polyester and had enough dirt to fill a shallow grave.   I ripped it off post-haste.

After taking off the offending upholstery, I realized why the seat was so uncomfortable:  most of the rubber supports were rotten and torn to shreds.  I cut new ones and Matt stapled them on for me.  Look, I'm crafty, I can make things, but few people on this earth are strong enough to work the devil's hand-tool that is Matt's staple gun.  One half-clutch of the handle is enough to give you a life-long battle with carpal tunnel syndrome

Once the internal repairs were complete it was time to spiff up the seat.  I chose to cover the seat with fabric cut from a vintage silk scarf that I had purchased at a City Wide Garage Sale several months ago for two whole dollars.

I then covered the scarf with clear vinyl.  I chose to use the vinyl for several reasons: 1.  Putting plastic on furniture is hilarious.  2.  I wanted to protect the scarf and 3.  I wanted to give the seat the same wow-pizzazz as it's lucite shell.  In person, it looks lovely together.

Because I didn't have enough fabric from scarf #1 to line the outer edge of the seat, I used fabric from a second scarf also purchased from the garage sale several months ago for $.99.  See, Erin, I do have a use for all the fabric I hoard.

Moving on to project #2

I bought this sad little excuse for a chair at a yard sale for $2 a year or so ago.  When I brought it home I could see Matt's little mind adding up the plausibility of filing for divorce.  I promised him glory and grandeur then the chair sat for months.   Now that my office is almost done (pictures coming soon, promise) I finally had a need for it at my sewing station.

I painted it with high-gloss black spray paint, then recovered the seat with this awesome black and white Native American graphic print fabric I purchased when I lived in Albuquerque a gazillion years ago.  I'm almost positive that I got it off the $1/yard table.  I bought every last inch and have used it for several projects over the years, this is the first time it's appeared on an item for my home, though.

And finally, project #3

I bought this lame lion head print from the thrift store for $7.99.  It felt a bit steep for all that mucky beige art, but I had a plan and figured that, even if I failed, at least the frame was worth 3 times the price.

I used a straightedge to draw laser-light-show lines across the background, then taped off each area separately and painted as needed.  It should be noted that I originally planned to cut out the lion head and put him on a new background, but the print is mounted on thick cardboard and I wasn't sure I could cut it out cleanly.  The result?

This little lion was relocated from depressingville to crazytown.  I think he likes it better there.  Oh, I painted the frame black, too.

All of these projects are living in my office now.  Here are all the before and afters together.  Are you starting to get a sense of the color scheme?

Head and Shoulders Above the Rest

I read somewhere that every room should feature a sculptural element that adds dimension to the space. Does that mean that Michelangelo's unsheathed schlong should peep out at your guests from the darkened corner of the living room, like a creepy neoclassical sex stalker? Not so much. I also feel that this is inappropriately inflicted on visitors:

OWI

There is a worse view, but I'm really too kind to force the full frontal on you. I think the lesson here is to save the kinky stuff for the bedrooms, people. And also that it would be cooler to keep anatomical sculptures above the nipple line. Clothing is nice, too.

Abigail Ahern

Trust -- you need a bust. True, the eyes may track your movements across the room, but that's better than... other things following you.

Francois Halard

Karly is going to like this post because she has enough heads to fill a stadium full. Of heads. But not as many as a certain someone else we all know and love:

Kellz is totally into heady tableaux, as seen on her overstaffed dining room table. Click this link to check out more examples of her head games.

Skona Hem

Never fear. Despite her best efforts, La Wearstler hasn't (quite) cornered the market. Busts abound.

Paul Costello via Roseland Greene

I want to live in this room forever and ever, amen. The chairs.. the logs... the windows... the lady head. Yessss.

Eddie Ross

Miles Redd

Simon Upton

Nick Olsen

Abigail Ahern

Paul Costello

Now these heads are all well behaved, polite and easy to talk to. But tune in on Wednesday for a collection of busts that belong only in the homes of brave and adventurous people. That means you, right?

I thought so.