Bust Out the Jamz

Well, Karly just screwed me over by writing the best post of the year, and now I have to follow THIS. I hate you, Karly. I mean -- I love you. No, I really do hate you. Are you people out there as inspired as I am to redo your entire house now? As soon as I can figure out what coordinates with the oh so trendy Fisher Price Rainforest Jumperoo (primary colors will come back in style someday, right???), Ima gonna get bizzy. Until then, here's some more heady ideas for sculptures you can stuff into the lonely corners of your home.

Guardian UK

So, is it too early to capitalize on the death of the biggest star in the world? Nah. This is America! Actually, MJ's gold painted plaster bust was slated to sell in the April auction of his possessions, but since the auction was canceled, it's ostensibly still floating around the ether somewhere. Estimate? $100-$150. I have a feeling the price may have gone up since then.

Jane Antoni's Lick and Lather (1993) comprises two self portrait busts, one of chocolate and one of soap. Let's hope she didn't lick the soap, although lathering oneself with chocolate sounds not half bad.

Speaking of deliciousness, this chocolate head by Paul Wayne Gregory would last about 2.2 seconds at my house before someone determined whether the inside holds a sugary Cadbury cream filling. I secretly hope there's a buttery yellow yolk in there somewhere.

In the grand tradition of busts of great heads of state like Lincoln and Napoleon, we have a deftly decorated Delft Lenin. So nice to see his softer side, but I'd love to see him pitted against this guy:

Wax Obama looks like he's getting ready to take a bite out of Communism. Seriously, I like our prez, but did they have to make him look like a jaundiced beaver?

Lego man is ready to sacrifice himself for your good time. Just don't bring him to my house, because Momma don't allow toys with tiny pieces destined to collect dust underneath the couch. At least, that's my stance for today. Ask me how it's going in year when baby Ike throws a tantrum in the middle of the store because he just wants some damn legos.

When superbloggers Molly and Raina come to visit in a few days, we're going skeet shooting Texas style. After seeing these amazing self portraits by Julian Hoeber, I think I have a new project idea.

Ok, I have 3 days to cast a bronze sculpture of myself. I can make it, right?

And let's not forget about my buddy Beethoven. His ubiquity offers many chances for modification... I love the little dude painted black in my dining room, but now I'm coveting Karly's new wave rainbow treatment. Also, I think I need something bigger, so if you guys see something worthy out there, send old Erin a heads up, will ya?

Random Post Generator

Kids, drinking is wrong. But sometimes it is a necessary evil -- for example, when celebrating birthdays. And sometimes drinking leads one to fall out of one's chair, thereby bruising one's delicate derriere, although one might forget that it even happened, save for the twinges of painful reminders while sitting. Which generally occurs from the hours of 9 to 5. And oftentimes one does not sleep well after a night of imbibery, thereby ensuring that morning shall come too soon and the day shall be hellishly long. And writing is the LAST thing one wants to do, as all that type type typing disturbs the lovely silence, and also because the cursor is dizzying. Eventually one is forced to seek out flashy means of entertainment, as one has the attention span of a gnat. Behold:

Little Joseph candleholders by Qubus please one. One fantasizes about plugging Little Joseph's head hole with multicolored candles, and one laughs.

One also enjoys all kinds of piggy banks, but one is especially enthralled by this piggy bank cast from a real suckling pig.  One has read that piggy died of natural causes, and also that $10 from the sale of each pig shall be donated to the Humane Society. That makes one happy.

Actually, as a general rule, one likes pigs, and one also covets Karly's gold panther platter tables, so why not a gold pig platter table?

Conflict! One cannot have two tables, and one LOVES gnomes. One may or may not have had a David the Gnome fetish as a child... One also finds it funny that Philipe Starck designed a gnome table.

One does NOT want this table, as one is totally offended by the idea that a "Blackamoor" (foolish term courtesy of the seller... one would never be caught dead saying such things) should be forced to carry cocktails. One feels that whomever purchases this table is a bad person. Not that one is judgmental, or anything.

One's agitation is soothed by these multiracial baby hand soaps. One likes the tiny baby fist that appears to say, "Fight the power!" in tiny baby sign language.

One very much DOES want this bust of Lenin covered in traditional Czech patterns. One never realized how Lenin's facial hair makes him look uncannily Satanic, but one is entertained by his creepy visage in juxtaposition with the pretty pretty flowers.

One feels better now.