Our Slutty Master Bedroom -- Now With Pictures (But Not Those Kind)

Yesterday I had dreams of meticulously cataloging our bedroom with my camera. To that end I hid all the extra pillows required to comfort a huge pregnant belly to sleep. I stuffed the cardboard boxes full of maternity clothes into the bathroom (I patently refuse to integrate that disgusting crap into my actual wardrobe). I made up the bed. And then... I was tired. Exhausted, actually. Apparently I only have about 30 good minutes left in a day before I start getting shaky and weird.

But I am a warrior, so I took a few pictures anyway -- just not as many (or as mind bendingly awesome) as I had hoped for. But pictures, nonetheless. Let's do this.

First of all, THANK YOU SANDERS! for enduring sample harvest 2012, in which I set out to try every Benjamin Moore color ever made. I'm actually really happy with Dior Gray. Sometimes it's purple, sometimes bluish, sometimes just gray. Always soothing and comforting.

So, this is not the ultimate configuration for our tiny bedroom... the rocker will probably get switched out and I need new lampshades and I did not style the space at all.

But you know what? I don't like a lot of shit cluttering up my space. It makes me nervous. And while I've been in a mad rush to acquire big basic pieces before baby arrives, I do believe in slowly collecting only accessories that you really really love. So it will all get there. Someday.

But let's talk about that ho-tastic bedding. You know, I don't buy a lot of brand spanking new stuff. I like vintage, thrift, antiques. But I draw the line at undies and bedding. I mean, if you want to get crabs and bedbugs that's your decision. Me, I like the delicious feeling of unconquered territory when I lay me down to sleep.

That meant new bedding, because my old linens were looking pretty haggard. I'm not sure how I feel about those crazy coral sheets -- I did order a new set in "blush," hoping they might be a little less HEY STRIPPER!. And then there is the giant faux lynx blankie. Practical? Yes. It will hide a multitude of sins, like leaves and maybe even baby vomit.

But maybe I like it better without?

Or with? I'm on the fence. It's twin size so I could always use it to cover Ike's new big boy bed or a sofa.

Anyway, that's what I have going on so far. I didn't really buy anything except for paint, Ikea linen curtains and bedding, so it wasn't an exorbitant makeover. I painted the frame around the Pop Chalee print... I think that's it. Minimal effort sans the endless repainting.

Ok, so maybe not minimal effort.

In case you're wondering, all the bedding came from Overstock and it was super cheap. I think I got a bedskirt, sheets, new pillows and the fur blanket for $200. Not bad.

What's bad is that our bed looked like this for five minutes before Ike came in and tore everything up in a mad frenzy of trampoline inspired gymnastics.

And that's why I can't have anything extra nice. So this will have to do.

I'm off to cut mats and other unfun stuff.

Hope you enjoyed the tour!

*** UPDATE ***

I forgot to include a before pic...

My eyes!

Things I Am Thinking About Buying On the Internets

It's that time of year, y'all -- the time of year when the whole world slows down to a snail's pace and everyone is on siesta time. That's because (at least in our neck of the woods) it's over 100 degrees outside and even walking out to the car forces a stinky sweat. I know you're too hot to contemplate big fancy posts about the design world and stupid trends blah blah blah, so instead I'm going to tell you about all the window shopping I've been doing from the comfort of my air conditioned home.

I really want this dumb craigslist headboard so I can just be done with the neverending no headboard drama, but these stupid bitches won't write me back. If it's not available, delete the post, people! Anyway, I'm still pretending they are going to let me pick up this king sized, gold leafed, wood carved goodness. For $100 no less.

Then I will pair it with my new white duvet and these cutie pie tie dyed sheets from Overstock. I love so many of the colors, but I'm pretty sure only ivory, rose or black, would look good with my stuff/paint color. Guess which one I'm going to pick? $36 bam!

Moving on from the bedroom, it's time to replace our milk and cereal bar encrusted rug (thanks, Ike!).

I could buy the exact same leather braided rug we already have ($150 here), or I could shake things up... maybe like this.

Of course, who knows exactly what "this" is, since the picture is so craptacular? You're killing me, craigslisters. Anyway, if I buy a totally different rug, then I will need... other totally different stuff. You know how it goes.

I've been eying Ikea's Hovas sofa for a while now... it's so cheap! But it's white, and I explained what happened to the rug, right? But it's slipcovered! But will I ever wash said slipcover? Hmmmm. Has anyone ever sat on this sucker? What do we think about it?

Speaking of Ikea, they reissued the wildly popular Vago patio chairs (thanks to Modfrugal for the tip!), and I'm dying for a set, but our store doesn't stock them. I think you should all call your local congressman to complain.

And since I apparently only like black and white things (did you figure out which color sheets I want yet?), I'm thinking about running over to our local West Elm and picking up these blackened planters on sale. Or maybe I will just save myself some sweat and order them. I'm so environmentally aware.

Ok, maybe not, but I am aware that I'm lazy.

Stay cool, homies!

End Table Remix

Ah, the sweet beat of BAR-GAIN, SA-VINGS, DIS-COUNT -- yes those words are music to my (admittedly tone deaf) ears. Call me DJ Tightwad. Hence the glamor of 1stDibs and all of its amazing tables, rhapsodized about in my last post, is a little marred by its very extravagance. So, for all you fellow cheapskates out there, I present a day of Dibsian diamonds at cubic zirconian prices, so you can keep your bling and not go blung. Diagram 1:

People, I made graphics to illustrate the awesomeness of bargain shopping. I even did some math and stuff so I could compare apples to apples for you, my dearest readers. So it's easy to see that $350 for a pair of tables from CB2 is, oh, I don't know, a slightly better deal than $3500 for almost the exact same ones from 1stDibs. Let's calculate, shall we?

Budget Check: $3500 - $350 = $3150 worth of white V-neck American Apparel tee shirts for every day (and club-filled night) of the year. Those things are expensive, right?

Diagram 2:

Now Edward Wormley was an awesome designer and those tables are no doubt solid rosewood, but I'd be perfectly happy with these classic knockoffs tables at Home Decorators which are inspired by the originals, and are oh so sensibly priced. But if you're a true tightwad, you'll go for the stunningly cheap version from Ikea for only $12.99. It even comes in red.

Budget Check: $4000 - $280 = $3720 worth of spinner rims for your fly Toyota Prius.

Diagram 3:

Warren Platner is one of my all-time favorite designers, but until someone starts paying me to write for this blog, I'll have to stick to the similarly awesome Tornado tables from CB2, which were pretty inexpensive to begin with, but now that they're on sale they are downright thriftacular! I almost feel like it's my duty to buy them, like I must for the good of bargain hunters everywhere, but I will admit that I'd spend a few extra dollars on oversized glass tops to give these babies some extra presence.

Budget Check: $3400 - $160 = $3240 worth of Stunna Shades. I wear my sunglasses at night.

Diagram 4:

The Deal Hunter blogged about tubular steel tables some time ago, and while I'm not totally convinced on their awesomeness, Overstock really does a great job of magnetically attracting my credit card number with their low prices, spectacularly FREE shipping (there's always a coupon online to knock the nominal $2.95 charge off your total), and rockin' customer service. No, this is not an infomercial, I really do heart Overstock. Too much.

Budget Check: $1800 - $130 = $1670 worth of high top neon Nike Dunks. If only Overstock sold those, too.

Diagram 5:

The ubiquitous Saarinen tables, featured in just about every contemporary decor magazine. Actually they're feeling pretty overused, but hey, I've got one (not an original!), so who am I to prevent you from getting one, too? Here's how to get your own: Pier One. Fo' realz. Spray paint that baby white and you're good to go. Of course there are so many different versions out there; CB2 sells one for even less, but I don't care for the legs on that one. Whatever -- you can cruise their site and decide for yourself.

Budget Check: $1100 - $129 = $971 worth of Kanye West itunes. Disseminate Stronger to the entire world, yo!

Diagram 6:

Ok, to get the original tables' look, this requires a little DIY action, but stay with me... you can do it! So the 1stDibs tables have marble tops and the lovely but plain West Elm versions do not. Why not grout and tile the tops of the less expensive versions? A mosaic would be interesting. Or you could wedge a cool piece of artwork -- like an abstract mod screenprint -- between a piece of glass and the tabletop. Can you dig it?

Budget Check: $2200 - $320 = $1880 worth of subwoofers. Try not to blow the glass off your new tables!

Diagram A Million:

Yeah, this one might take some vision, but I'm sure you can see the very large "FOURTEEN THOUSAND" in the picture above. Who are these people kidding? Driftwood, pine cones, seashells and white paint? Check, check, check and check, thanks in large part to Twiggie.org. After you finish your handiwork, you can laugh all the way to the bank.

Budget Check: $14,000 - $400 = enough to throw your friends a huge party, and maybe enough to book Prince as the headliner. Isn't fiscal responsibility fun?