Live Large Like Louis

Friends, has the recession got you down? I know you're bummed to no longer have a bundle of Gs just laying around for that newest set of Louis Vuitton trunks you planned to scatter artfully throughout your home in an oh so status conscious gesture that screams, "I have money to burn, bitches!"

Tommy Hilfiger via Fashionphile

Kanye West

House Beautiful via Margaret Long

So what's a label whore* to do when the economy declares most emphatically that there shall be no more excessive spending?

*Not that I'm judging, since momma wouldn't turn down a free LV bag. Hint, hint sponsors...

Well, you could bring some curb appeal to your real estate and watch the value skyrocket:

The window bars really ratchet the klass factor up a notch or 20, don't you think? Via

Of course in a house so special and ah, unique, one can't be expected to live a common, pedestrian existence, can one? One must extend one's special uniqueness to all aspects of one's daily life.

Really, how could one be expected to use a common Hefty trashbag? That would be wimpy wimpy wimpy. Via

Or have a common pet, for that matter? I think this pig would really say, "I like money, but I'm not afraid to get my hands entire body dirty."

I'm not sure brown is the best color in this context. Via

Now this is what I'm talking about! I'm not even kidding. I never wanted to drive a Cutlass Sierra until now, but I neeeed that car. Hopefully the man doing sexy pose on it is not included because he's covering up my paint job. Maybe they make Louis Vuitton camouflage? That would totally appeal to hunters everywhere, I'm sure.

Leines On Me

Yesterday I was in my new favorite bookstore Domy Books.  For anyone in Austin, I can't recommend this place enough, I think there's one in Houston as well, so most of you Texans don't have an excuse to miss the floor to ceiling hard-to-find art books.  The first thing I noticed when I walked in was this amazing print hanging on the wall:

Behold!! Native Riding Tiger by Matt Leines.  It's about 18 x 24 and hand printed for 100 smack-a-roos.  I'm still thinking about it.  Oh, but I want it!!  

I was pointed to a book of Matt's work and it did not disappoint:

All the images I've shown so far are supposed to depict people from the past.  Since his last book, Matt started introducing the color blue to his work, the people in his new works represent the future:

Matt's Book:

I can't recommend Leines' book, You Are Forgiven, enough, each page is more stunning than the one before.  If you're in Texas, be sure to buy it HERE.

Soft Stuff

Since I've had a kid, our tiny world has suddenly become a treacherous place. Whereas I used to see only beauty in my 60s walnut Lane end tables, now I see very sharp corners for baby's head to fall on. Brian, my super awesome golden deer, has needle like hooves destined to impale him in the chest. And of course my tall vintage lamps look ready to rain down sharp shards of glass knives into little Ike's eyeballs. Not that I worry much. Or watch horror movies. Still, I've had way too much time to think about this, so I've decided what I should do is cover everything in padding. Everything.

Yeah, like that. Jurgen Bey is my new hero, because did I mention that I have a spiky snake plant that is sure to spear my precious dude? Obviously I should cover it in soft felt, right?

I also have this killer ornate gold headboard. As in literally killer. Maybe I should replace it with this witty stuffed gold fabric rendition by Alessandra Baldereschi. I plan to lose the cacti, though.

Baldereschi also has dinner time covered with this quilted placemat. Do you think it would be possible to eat with fabric cutlery, as well? To hell with sanitary conditions.

Hopefully he will never be tall enough to reach a doorknob (I plan on raising an elf, and it might happen, because I am not a tall person. And I have pointy ears), but if he ever does get that big, I'm padding my doors, post haste. On the left is a groovy vinyl door via flickr user sgrah, and on the right, a door at the Kenmore Arms.

Kiki van Eijk obviously has small children -- or perhaps even some cats she reallly cares about -- because the lady covers everything in a layer of softness. To wit, check out this rad padded chest of drawers.

She gets major bonus points for making it in black and gold.

This padded dressing table will surely keep baby safe while Mommie Dearest applies her lipstick. Don't worry -- there will only be padded hangers allowed. NO WIRE HANGERS!

Look, Kiki is so concerned with our safety that she ever makes a "soft" teapot. Sadly, it's actually made of ceramic and the softness is but an illusion, designed to induce false feelings of comfort. Damn you, Kiki, I thought you had my back!

Just kidding, Kiki. I know it's a tough job protecting the soft, fleshy parts of of tiny, vulnerable humans. That's why I think I just need to go full throttle, comme ca:

I already feel like I'm living in a mental institution anyway, so this padded cell room I blogged about here might just be the best solution to the problem. Obviously I would have to lock the door to the bathroom, since water and hard floors spell Danger. But Ike's already in diapers and I'm sure he would never know the difference if we kept him in them a little longer, right? I figure that maybe by the time he turns 18 he'll be able to leave the cell room and venture out into the world.

As long as he's wearing his bubble.