Slogging Through Top Design

I suppose my title is a harbinger of things to come, but I'll start out by at least trying to play nice. So, last night the remaining contestants were asked to compete in a design triathalon (desathalon?) which was nice in principle because I'm getting tired of this team based nonsense. How will we know who's capable of carrying a room by themselves if they never have an opportunity to show off individually?

Anyhoo, the first contest was to upholster a chair. Now, I Iove me some chairs, and new upholstery is such an easy way to transform a room, so I actually enjoyed this leg of the competition. Sadly, most of the chairs were dogs, but the winning one by Nathan was pretty super awesome. I wish I could find a picture, but he painted the frame Klein blue and did white fabric with a gold painted pattern. I'd put it in my house any day. Round One: Nathan.

At this point, we already know who's going to lose by the way the interviews are being conducted. I find that to be annoyingly simplistic, and I want to throw the remote at my tv. But I love my tv, so I don't. I am also repulsed by Andrea's bad barrette action, and Hunny Bunny thinks that India Hicks' accent is fake. He's sure she's really from Ohio. I'm starting to love Nathan, because he has trained as a "smokalete." Maybe I should start smoking?

The second contest was to set a table. I will begrudgingly admit that Eddie's was pretty nice (I have no love for his snitty attitude and time nazi tic), and Nathan's was super simple and edgy. The rest were stuffy, frilly and/or overdone. Ondine went for a Lilly Pulitzer look, for goodness sake! What, are we 50 year old WASPS lunching at Martha's Vineyard? Around this time, I start cursing at Teresa and her inane design mantra of "Zen. Zen. Zen." No, no, no. Round Two: Nathan.

This is where the show totally jumps the shark. Our brave interior designers are asked to spend $1000 dollars at A GARDEN CENTER and use their finds to decorate a space. WTF??? Predictably, the results are ATROCIOUS. At least Bravo posted some pictures of this leg of the contest. From worst to best (according to moi):

Just look at this cheap display a la Garden Ridge by Preston. Are those topiaries??? Where is the $1000 here? Preston, you're a hottie, but your design is nottie.

Eddie is so mean to everyone that I don't feel bad about saying that his space is tacky and unfinished. He decorates like he's a 60 year old society bitch. Roses? Really? Gross.

I think Andrea's is better than Eddie's, so I'm not sure why she's in the bottom two. At least there are some potential angles in here for a photo spread. Yes, her style is bland, but this space has some depth.

I like Nathan's color palette here, but the space looks harsh and unfinished -- not enough layers. But Nathan is emerging as my favorite.

I didn't hate on Teresa's space as much as the judges did. The ragging technique is a little old, but her plant selections blew everyone else's away. Too bad there's no hardscaping here... a bunch of plants piled in a corner is never going to look good. Maybe she should design gardens?

I think Wisit's space could have been great if his color palette had been less Easter egg. And are those mums? And roses? AND orchids? Barf. Sorry -- I'm a huge plant snob. Still, I like Wisit when he's not singing scary opera music.

I actually liked Ondine's space quite a bit, but this particular color is very green screen, which is an unkind shade photographically (see John McCain for further evidence). But I like the idea of a punchy color in combination with tons of white. And look! Furniture. What a novel idea.

Finally we have Natalie's space, which looks very polished and layered relative to the other rooms. Still, I was irritated that I slogged through an hour of backbiting and bad design just to see a mundane country vignette. The best part was how Kelly referred to the "trellage story." Crazytown! Round Three: Natalie.

Actually, Kelly Wearstler is fast becoming the only reason to watch this show. Case in point:

It looks like she went out bar hopping, drank one too many, and then stuck her finger in a light socket. Very Bride of Frankenstein. But at least she's interesting. So far, the rest of the show is not. We all knew within the first five minutes that Teresa was going home, and where's the suspense in that? It's like all the clips and interviews were reverse engineered to support the decision to dump her, and frankly I don't necessarily think she got a fair shake.

Well, fellow TD viewers, was my analysis spot on or do I need to park the snark? Let me know what you're thinking.

etc., etc.

Wow!  I am so tuckered out from the insane awesome globe trek Erin took us on yesterday.  It was so great vacationing with you all but now I need a little rest.  And you know what my favorite relaxing pastime is?  Ok, other than watching, rewinding, and rewatching Michael Phelps time trials, I love to read design magazines under the fan in my living room.  Well, I've got to start mentally decorating the luxury town home Phelps and I will share.  ...and that the Nerdy Fashionista will have unlimited access to. I have approximately 472 magazine subscriptions and I usually grab a couple of foreign rags off of the newsstand each month as well.  This month one of my very favorite issues was Living, Etc.  a magazine, that mysteriously, had evaded me in the past.  Was it the boring covers?  The lack of a great newsstand in Austin?  I don't know, but somehow I've just now discovered it and I'm ready to pack my bags and move overseas so I can actually afford the subscription rate (thank you again, Erin, for letting us know how to get there)

Less talky, more photoy.  I've picked out a few of the rooms from the issue that I'm really crushing on.  I know that white spaces with pops of color are a bit passe at this point, but, well, I still love them. Enjoy:

Ok, only mildly exciting, but it's the intro page to one of my new very favorite rooms ever:

la la la la love this guest bedroom, it is one of the inspiration rooms for my own guest bedroom that I'm about to decorate.

The same London apartment also houses this lovely green couch.  And look!  Dictators!  Ok, one dictator!  You know that Design Crisis fully accepts the tenants of the dictator chic regime.

I also love the art in this Manhattan apartment:

yes, I will certainly stop off in New York on my way to London so that I may cat-burgle their entire collection.  Including this yellow piece and the amazing artichoke-esque white lamp:

I love the fabric combination on this London couple's guest bed:

And finally, brace yourselves for the dressing room of your dreams:

And just because I love you, I'll share this new great find, you can enjoy it while I rest up for my next post.

We Are the World

I know, I know. The map trend has already made a few laps around the proverbial block, but all of the sudden it seems urgent to know where Georgia is in proximity to Russia, to know with certainty that Iraq and Pakistan DO NOT share a border, and to be able to draw a giant geopolitical flow chart that shows the connections among all of the countries currently fueling the global economy (hint: America is not one of them). So, for those of us who cannot see Russia from our back porches, I present a day of international geography as viewed from a domestic perspective. Hopefully we'll all learn something, myself included. Because I may or may not be able to identify all 50 states in their correct positions. Although I do know where Alaska is.

First up, this gorgeous map from the desk of At Home At Home. I'm pretty sure I have no idea what landmass is depicted there. I could cheat and look it up, but... that would be cheating. For now I shall bask in my ignorance until someone enlightens me. Anyone? Anyone? Buelllllllerr?

Perhaps if I slept in this room decorated by Flickr user kbreebo, I would already know with certainty that the unidentified landmass is _____ ? Well, at least her lucky son will grow up with the kind of intellectual acumen that I might also have acquired if only I hadn't slept through geography class. Although geography class in a Texas public school consists largely of identifying Texas on a map. Well, and maybe Arkansas, because you must be able to pinpoint with laserlike accuracy the position of your true mortal enemy.

Look! It's Algeria, Libya, Egypt, Mali, Niger, Chad, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Turkey, Iraq, and Iran (you know, the "I" country that DOES share a border with Pakistan). It's probably a miracle that I can even read (I'm talking to you, Texas High School), but these digitally printed map tiles seen on Remodelista have nice, big print.

On the other hand, these delicate butterflies made from vintage maps seen on Imagesurgery could be problematic...

Squiggles and colors and dots, oh my! I can't identify a single thing here. Ok... I am identifying some lust. I want a swarm of these gorgeous specimens to fill The Hole behind my couch, and maybe I could put a magnifying glass and atlas below the frame in the vain hope that I could (or would even bother to) edumacate myself. Oh beauty, thou art a gloriously distracting trollop.

This amazing vignette by Steven Sclaroff poses a similar set of problems, chief among them the incontiguous arrangement of map parts. How am I supposed to track the Bridge to Nowhere when nothing is linear???

I suppose I could make my own map table, like this one photographed by Caroline Burghardt.

That way I could just hunker down with my studies and let my tush be cushioned by a fabulous Persian rug. Now where was Iran again...?

Or I could park my tush elsewhere and sit for a spell.

It's probably pretty important that I know where Saudi Arabia is, and after I finish with business, I can plan with pleasure my trip to South Africa where I shall visit the fabulous Heather at Elle Decor SA. Thanks, Apartment Therapy!

Wait! I think I may have learned something today...

The images in these paper clothes meticulously crafted from maps by Elisabeth LECOURT look suspiciously like the UK. Now, my geographic knowledge is probably up to average for the average American student, but I can't settle for mere mediocrity.

Battleship napkins and badass world map RUGS from Thorsten van Elten will ensure that I continue to broaden my cartographic repertoire. Soon, I'll be able to recite all 7 continents. That is, if we don't continue to confuse Sunni with Shia, ignite WWIII and get bombed back to Pangea first.

I'll just pretend (for now) that won't happen, and in the meantime I'll use these placemats to work my way towards a more detailed knowledge of our world's highways and byways.

Who am I kidding? I don't even think I could catch a bus to 6th street in Austin. I once spent three hours riding the bus around Hawaii because I couldn't figure out where to get off. The driver finally kicked me off at the end of his shift when we arrived at the central bus terminal, which was nowhere even remotely close to my destination. Did I mention that my sense of direction is ridiculously, unfathomably bad?

I can't let my inherent lack of aptitude get me down, though. I'll keep my nose to the grindstone and my eyes on the prize with these recycled map bowls by Liz Grotyohann.

And with this nifty wall sized world map clock by Johannes Wohnseifer, I'll be able to see that while night falls and study time is over for me, the sun also rises on the opposite of the world for others, like Miss Raina over in New Zealand.

Here's to hoping that the children of tomorrow will be better studies of the world than I was yesterday. Although today I have learned that I may want a giant map for The Hole on my wall, and that's something.