Finally, A How To: How to Make a Tapestry Headboard on the Cheap

Several months ago I saw the most insane headboard somewhere on the world wide web.  This evening my ego as a savvy internet searcher has taken a major blow, because, alas, I CAN NOT FIND THE DAMN PICTURE  TO SAVE MY LIFE.  But trust me when I tell you that it was phenomenal:  a big ole tacky tapestry depicting the Last Supper had been repurposed as a king-sized headboard.  While I didn't have a picture of the beast, it's image shined bright as the inspiration for the, ahem, How-To that I will show you kids today. Look!  Our fist How-To!  How sweet.  Since I don't have the original photo, here's a nice opening shot with another tapestry behind a bed (unfortunately, not as a headboard)

If you would like to have a tapestry behind your bed, but you want to crank it up a few notches, I suggest you follow these instructions: 

1. Scour the local thrift stores for a tapestry large and ferocious enough to do the trick (make sure it's at least a couple inches wider than the bed).  

I found some great tapestries on ebay here, here and here

Because I'm cheap and I love a bargain, I will brag that I got this 66" wide tapestry for only $19.  I'm better at finding deals than I am at taking pictures, so I apologize for the craptastic photos.

2.  Get yourself some plywood.  You'll want it to be the same width as the bed and about 8 inches shorter than your tapestry. Make sure it is thick enough to stay flat against the wall, but don't bother blowing your family's savings.  This $9 board did just fine

BONUS:  Have the dudes at the hardware store cut it to size for ya, it's free and saves you loads of time.

3.  Here's where the savings start rolling in:  Buy a small roll of carpet padding.  Every other site on the planet will tell you to use foam from the craft store but not here at Design Crisis, ut-uh, no way.  Were all about saving the Benjamins and this little pointer will cut your crafting costs by at least 75%.  Be sure there is enough square footage on the roll to cover your board twice.  

4.  Cut out 2 pieces of carpet foam the exact same size as your headboard.  If your roll won't make 2 exact pieces, you can use remnants from the first cut to cover the board a second time.

5.    Get yourself some spray adhesive.  WARNING:  Do not buy your adhesive at the craft store, it literally costs 4 times as much as the spray adhesive at the hardware store and isn't as strong.   

6.  Spray a 1 foot wide section of the wood, starting at the edge, fold your foam over and smooth it on to the board.  Work your way across the wood in 1 foot wide sections.  

7. Repeat for the second layer, spraying your adhesive onto the first layer of foam in 1 foot wide sections

8.  Have a sip of whatever cocktail you are enjoying

9.  I think I missed a photo or two during my craft session, but I think you can see what's happening here:  lay your tapestry face-down on the floor with the board face-down on top.  BE SURE TO CENTER IT

10.  Fold each edge over and staple one time on the center of each side, pull the fabric a bit as you go to make sure it's taught.

11.  Have a stapler party and finish stapling all the sides, working your way from the center out

12.  Be sure to fold your corners real pretty like.

13.  Find a boy to put some triangle hanger thingies on the back - 2 will work (make sure the screws are no longer than the thickness of your wood)

- sorry about asking for a boy to do it, I can weld, change the tires of my car and clean up cat vomit, but I don't use wood working tools - 

14. Hang, finish your cocktail, and enjoy

15. Continue enjoying while figuring out what to do with the rest of the room

This little project took about an hour and cost roughly $60.  Not too shabby.  Here are some other tapestry headboards for your viewing pleasure:

both images via vintage and chic

And I'd like to thank our friend, Andrea, for a heads up to these quaint little tapestry pieces:

Frederique Morre creates custom-covered home goods using recycled tapestries. What do you think, should I have 12 of those sofas in the room with my headboard?  Too much?

And finally, one last tapestry-over-something shot:

Suzy Hoodless

If I remember correctly, one of the DC New Year's resolutions was to start posting how-tos, I can't believe we actually did it but look, now you think we're good and honest girls.  With pretty headboards.

Cut a Rug

Even though summer is coming and cool, bare floors are perfect for hot Texas temperatures, I've been thinking about rugs a lot. There's nary a stitch of carpet in our house and I like it that way, but I have a feeling baby will not. There's no way I'm installing carpet over our gorgeous wood floors, but I have the overwhelming urge to pad every flat surface in some sort of thick woolen coating. Kind of like this waiting area designed by Tjep:

Sorry about the bad picture, but are you not sorely tempted to create your very own padded cell from Persian rugs? No more fretting over paint colors or furniture choices, just tell the carpet store you'll take everything they've got in Tabriz, including this guy from Hannes Grebin:

Holy bejeesus, I totally want to start cutting up all my ugly rugs in bizarre shapes and then sewing fringe on the edges. It would solve my everlasting boredom with rectangles problem, while still allowing me to escape from the ubiquitous animal shaped rug (Cows, zebras and ponies, I prefer to see you in your natural state -- no need to undress for me).

Despite disparaging the rectangle, I wouldn't kick this sexy number out of the bedroom. Can you believe the peeps over at AT panned the Downloading Rug by Richard Hutten? Oh well. More for me. Still, I'm not sure baby would appreciate the sense of humor inherent in Hutten's rug -- unless he takes after daddy and is born a baby computer genius. Hopefully he won't take after mommy's swiss cheese brain.

Somehow I am thinking baby would prefer for me to cover everything in bright bespoke carpet, like this townhouse decorated by Danielle at Fun on the Floor. I actually think the stairs are super cuteamous, but sorry, baby -- ain't got no stairs.

Meanwhile, mommy has some rugs picked out, but they aren't exactly kid friendly.

Oh, Dan Golden's rugs make me laugh! It's a good thing his area rugs cost upwards of $13,000, otherwise I'm not sure I could stop myself from buying one.

And then there's the Roadkill rug by Oooms. Since I'm pretty sure my entire house will look like this in a few years anyway, I figure might as well save my money and pick something else.

This super textural rug by Dacia Manto might make a good base for junior's creations. The neutral background will allow his jelly sculptures to stand out while the shaggy pile will add interest to the rest of the field. Plus I just really like this one.

Did you know that Timorous Beasties -- makers of crazy wallpaper -- also makes rugs? Wait! I think I may have chosen a name for our son...

So, our own timorous beastie probably has some ideas of his own about rugs he'd like (to ruin).

This foam rug by Laurens Van Wieringen is obviously kid approved. Plus it has the added bonuses of texture, pattern and color -- three known strategies to disguise peanut butter and puke.

Apparently, older, undie clad children who can't be bothered to put down the laptop enjoy staring at the melting icecap featured in Nanimarquina's Global Warming rug. Seriously, what is up with this picture?

Another Dan Golden gem. This one's a bit more age appropriate. Of course, I still prefer his Morphine rug.

How cute is this rug by Richard Niessen and Jennifer Tee? This would truly, honestly look great in the nursery, but I shudder to even contemplate its cost. I'm not too bummed, though, because although I love this rug, it's not even my favorite one.

I've pretty much decided on Dialogue, by Anne Lykke:

That's right. Do I care that it looks like (and may actually be) a photoshopped image of a standard shag rug with a few moppets thrown on top? No, I do not. I would cover over my wood floors for this rug. Nevermind that the cat would get lost in a sea of wooly stands, or that we might lose the baby altogether, it looks so soft. And simple. And that sounds good right now.

Quilts Gone Wild!

The normally oh so civilized quiltosphere is abuzz with conflict regarding the latest issue of Quilter's Home. According to this article in The Washington Post, Jo Ann's Fabric Store refused to carry the scandalous March/April issue because it features pages of controversial quilts. Even though editor/owner Mark Lipinski ponied up extra cash to have the issues shrink wrapped in plastic sleeves a la Hustler magazine, the issue was deemed too shocking for Jo Ann's customers, out of fear that they might accidentally look at the magazine. Let's check out the front cover, shall we?

What? No T&A? Just an alarmingly excited man (Lipinski himself) playing a post pubescent game of hide and seek on the cover... But it is advertised as "Shocking," so what's inside this issue anyway?

WaPo writes, "Flip past the ads for stencil companies and portable ironing tables to Page 24. Behold, seven straight pages of shocking quilts. We're talking fabric phalluses. Gun-toting Jesuses. A newborn peering out from his mother's lady parts (constructed out of lots of soft, embroidered orange cloth)."

You don't say.

Sadly, I don't have a copy of this magazine (if you do, PLEASE send us scans and I'll update the post), and QH doesn't publish excepts online, but a little detective work has uncovered some of the art and artists included within these controversial(!) pages.

First up, Gwendolyn Magree, whose quilts draw comparison to Jacob Lawrence. Southern Heritage/Southern Shame, included in Quilter's Home, was created as a response to Mississippi's refusal to remove the Confederate emblem from the state flag.

God of Our Weary Years

When Hope Unborn Had Died, of which Magree writes, "A couple has bought a hog and toddler at auction. Its mother, screaming in anguish, runs desperately out of the fields."

Requiem, a quilt devoted to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

And then there's Miss Mary Beth Bellah, along with her featured quilt, Helping Hands, which is apparently an ode to Viagra. And penises.

Don't be deceived by her middle aged wholesomeness, but do note the pliant puss in hand. And the penises.

Can you see them, masquerading as dog bones? Also, the blue diamonds represent delicious Viagra pills. Apparently, this quilt was exhibited at a hospital -- fitting, no? -- but was taken down due to complaints. Really, you'd think hospitals would appreciate the free advertising!

Last but not least, Shawn Quinlan's Jesus Get Your Gun quilt, featured in the now notorious QH issue, really got some blogger's threads knotted up in a wad.

Nothing like religion and politics to ruffle a few feathers. Apparently this piece was the recipient of an award at the Andy Warhol Museum, and was also awarded the Greater Latrobe School District Art Conservation Trust, but the latter was rescinded "due to controversial subject matter." Read the letter that inspired it here.

Oh, but there's so much more.

As My Daddy Always Told Me, "At Least Democrats Will Throw You a Bone."

Fossil Fuel

Farwell Quilt #2, which was inspired by a conversation between Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell. You can read the very intriguing transcript here.

Who Would Jesus Bomb?

Well, readers, what do you think? Is Jo Ann's Fabrics "out of touch with their customer base," as Lipinski suggests? "When you consider that a 70-year-old could have been dancing naked at Woodstock and a 50-year-old could have been smoking pot in high school -- sometimes you have to change your marketing." Or is Lipinski just a sensationalist out to make a buck? WaPo does note that he used to be a talk show producer.

Should quilts -- generally a traditional, conservative field -- only mine the terrain of calico and wedding ring patterns? Or are penises, lynchings and angry Jesuses, appropriate fodder for material?

Drop me a note and let me know what you think!

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UPDATE!

Totally unrelated to Quilter's Home and its collection of randy quilts, but you people have to head over to Double Takes to see the Dead Rapper quilts Lauren posted. Have to!

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UPDATE PART DEUX!

Totally awesome reader, Bobbi, send in scans from the mag of the quilts I didn't manage to find on the net.

Yes, those are some hot buns by Randall Cook, and a tiny baby peeking out of an orange (?!) vajayjay by Gayle McKay.

Another quilt by the very talented Gwendolyn Magree, and The L Word Quilt by Diane Johns.

Thanks Bobbi for sending in the scans, and thanks all your peeps who have written in with your own stories of censorship and strife in the quiltosphere. DC readers are the best!