Dear Design Crisis: Jen's Fireplace Conundrum

Recently our good friend, fellow blogger and style icon, Jennifer Perkins of Naughty Secretary Club fame wrote us with a fireplace conundrum:

I have found myself in quite the home decorating pickle.  My fireplace has become an eye sore and I do not know where else to turn.  As you can see in the pictures at one time I had a screen covering my fireplace.  The screen was made by my grandfather and painted by my grandmother.  However, my 11 month old daughter has just started to crawl and pull things down on her, like heirloom screens for example.  We removed the screen and now there is a big black ashy pit staring back at me complete with cheap chain shades.  I need some suggestions for something stylish and baby safe to replace the screen.  I have thought about having a mantle built but my fireplace is stone and I am not sure how I would mount it on all the texture.  Also, it may appall your readers, but I have a naked picture of Burt Reynolds above my fireplace.  He was fun for awhile, but I’m ready to replace him.  I have debated on a large piece of art (possibly by my sister), several smaller prints in a cluster?  I’m just not sure and this whole fireplace overhaul is where I am hoping Design Crisis will come in.  Please oh please can you and your readers save me and help me find a cute, eclectic, kitschy and kid proof fire place.

Here is a shot of Jen's living room:

A few things have changed since this photo was taken:  the carpet has been removed and now pretty medium-toned hardwoods lay in it's place.  I'm sure she's probably moved other stuff around, cuz that's how she rolls but I can't say for sure.

You can see that the fireplace is free standing, there are openings on either side leading to her Florida room.  Let's get a closeup of the fireplace:

Burt Reynolds picture:  check, ashy pit: check and check.  Jen!  You called us just in time, let's see what we can round up to help you out.

I searched far and wide for a stone fireplace like your own with a mantel, this is the closest I could find.  I really like how the wood is clean and simple.  If you go with a mantel, I think this is the way to go, the sleekness of the polished wood is a nice contrast to the heavy-textured stone.  If you're worried about making and installing said mantel, I bet my honey bunny could help you out.

What do I think you should do with the fireplace?  Paint that sucker.  Ok, I know I'm going to lose some readers here, but this is where I stand on painted stone and brick:  Is your stone insanely beautiful?  If the answer is Yes, don't paint it.  Are you planning to sell your house soon?  Again, if the answer is Yes, do not paint it.  Otherwise, it's your dang house and you should do what makes you happy.

PS, never mind the rest of this dullsville room

Here is a before and after I found via the magic of the interwebs.  See what a dramatic (and amazingly wonderful) difference a couple coats of paint will make.  I know this is brick, not stone, but whateves, it's pretty, so hush up.

I threw this picture in for good measure so we could see what a lovely coat of black paint will do for ya.  Although I'm pretty into the white, myself.

Let's talk about what goes over the fireplace.  You know I love Burt Reynolds and will promise him my allegiance until the very end, but I think it's time for him to relocate.  I put this picture up because I really dig the scale of the mirror over the fireplace.  If you decide not to do a mantel, I'd pick a piece that is taller than it is wide.  It will make the space that much more dramatic.  And Jen, you have a giant panda head in that room, don't try to tell me you don't like drama.

Speaking of drama, check out this artwork that frames the ENTIRE thing.  How do you do such a thing you ask.  Read on.

Remember once upon a time I posted this before and after of Diana's fireplace?  My sweet little mattybear built a frame around the old brick fireplace (so no brick was harmed, brick lovers) then coated it in plaster.  You could do something similar and keep as is... OR you could paint the whole damn thing.  Your sister could create her masterwork, or you could cruise over to the east side and pile a bunch of hoodlums into that fancy new car of yours then let them go graffiti crazy on your new digs.

Ok, moving on to the ashy mess.  I'm not sure if you have the ballz to light a fire in this Texas heat, if you're like me, it probably lies dormant 99% of the time.  I say, why don't you just go ahead and bump that number up to 100 and trick the inside of it out?

The now defunct Domino magazine suggested lining your fireplace with wallpaper then throwing in some hot pink logs for good measure.  I am in love with this idea.  Always have been, always will be.

Another Domino suggestion was to put a mirror inside the fireplace.  Could be good.

Or you could be a little more practical and fill it with logs.  Feel free to paint them multiple colors.

I saw this picture about a hundred years ago and thought of you, Jen.  If you do decide to do a mantel, I believe this is what the top of it will look like.   I imagine you pairing this with a fireplace filled with bowling balls or perhaps some trophies from your extensive vintage trophy collection, or, even better, you can use this as an excuse to start a whole new collection.  Swoon!

If, for some ungodly reason, you do use your fireplace here in the Lone Star state, I found a few screens for you to consider.  Both of the above are from Target and they're both pretty lame but...

A quick coat of paint later and they're pretty spectacular.  I'm guessing the option on the right is slightly more baby-safe.  Maybe just a little.

Also, if you decide to go this route, be sure to look into heat resistant paint.  I know they make it and this is probably the time to use it.

(ps, find these screens un-photoshopped at Target here and here)

Here are a few more screens I found on the interwebs, all varying in price and baby-safeness.  Feel free to paint as needed.  Clockwise from top left:

Muskoka Onyx Fireplace screen $79.99 at Target

Fireplace Screen by Peter Maly $460 at Unica Home

Handmade Lacquer Screen $231 at Overstock

Vestal Firescreen, price upon request (ahem) at Lyle and Umbach

And just for fun, I took the liberty of making some mockups of your new fireplace:

The most conservative option:  white stones with natural logs and a large piece of black and white art hung over the fireplace.  The piece shown here is by David Ostrowski

Still white, but now with a piece by Jen's sister, Hope, over some hot pink logs

And finally, Jen's fireplace with a white mantel and the crazy collection I know only she is capable of both finding and styling so it looks insane.  In a really really good way.

Alrighty readers, what do you think Jen should do with her fireplace?  Want to know more about what she has in her house before you can make a life decision?  Check out her home tour on apartment therapy here.

Jen, keep us posted!  We want to see the afters!

Maxi Lamp, Mini Tour

Somehow, I managed to sneak in a ton of grownup fun this past week/end, which has been super amazing, but also exhausting. The good news is that stuff has been happening at the house, mostly because I furiously cleaned and rearranged the place before my guest arrived, but also because we ventured more than a mile from the house and did some real shopping. HOORAY! Guess what I bought? You'll never guess...

My lighting obsession forced me to load up The Hunny and Ike and drive waaaaaaaaaaaay far away, to the southern wilds of Austin, where this golden whale of a lamp was patiently awaiting escape from its scary creepy, soon to be ex, owners. Thank goodness I was able to rescue it.

Happily it was not terribly abused, although it has some fritzy wiring issues (exposed wires: dangerous, or super dangerous for children?), and it's a lil dented, and the odd scuff and scrape mar its gorgeously golden visage, but you know what? She is beautiful to me.

Look! Another picture of her... photo overkill? Well, too damn bad. I'm pretty excited about the way she frames the room. Also, the purchase of this lamp allowed me to get rid of two other lamps that were annoying me. Also, you are not allowed to make fun of the twisty lamp on the console, because even though it, too, is annoying, it's only temporary. Let's face it -- next month this will probably look like a totally different room.

Since I bought the arc lamp, I had to do something with the living room lamps, so they went into our bedroom. But then I had to do something with the old bedroom lamps, so they went into Ike's room. Aww, look, two bald eagles are keeping watch over the guest bed in Ike's room -- the room that doesn't even have a crib in it because Ike is still sleeping in our room. That's another, totally different, story, but it does explain why I don't have any pictures of the lamps in our bedroom (because I didn't feel like cleaning it, and also there is a giant crib in the middle of the room that will probably never, ever leave. Sigh).

Anyway, I couldn't just stop with the lamp because I was getting used to the feel of money flying out of my pockets, so I bought this crazy ass smoked glass diamond mirror thing, which I thought was going in the hallway...

But duh, even a ding dong could tell that it's way too big for the space. Now what am I going to do with that stupid mirror? It's not wide enough to go over the console table. Obviously I am out of shopping practice.

For absolutely no reason I am ending this post with a gratuitous picture of Brian, because he is such a handsome boy, and he makes me happy.

Hope y'all enjoyed the fruits of my shopping labors. I worked REALLY HARD at buying these fine, fine items, but now I am broke and will have to make do with spraypaint and ingenuity for the time being. Don't worry -- I'll find something to paint if it kills me. I'm on a roll.

Erin's Madeover(ish) Dining Room

I can't believe that two months have passed since I enlisted the  help of you savvy readers in rearranging my dining room... It seems like I should have completed a lot more projects than just redoing one measly room, but my days are usually filled with picking up toys, cleaning rice cereal out of Ike's ears, and changing some increasingly odd diapers. (In case you should ever come to my house for dinner, rest assured that last thing never takes place in the dining room.) At any rate, it's done(ish). I say "ish" because you know me... nothing is ever really done. In other words, this place will probably look totally different next month. Let's take a trip down memory lane and check out its previous iterations: Super old:

Kinda old:

And right now -- today -- this is what I've got going on:

I took the suggestion a lot of you bandied about and bought some Ikea Aina curtains for my puny window. See? I listen(ish). HB hung them high and wide, and voila! Bigger window. The sexy 70s lucite chandelier came from Ebay.

I tried to reuse most of my old goodies, like this Curtis Jere(ish) brass tree, but the table and chairs had to take a hike. The old Danish table went to our office, and the Burke chairs went to Karly's dining room. Because, sharing means caring, right?

Our new (to us) 90" long reclaimed wood and stainless steel dining table came from craigslist, and the sellers even delivered it for no additional charge. Super score! The Marcel Breuer(ish) chairs came with Karly's glass table and I wasn't totally sure about them at first, but for $150, I've decided they're awesome. And comfy.

The brass sconces came from Ebay. I almost photoshopped out the fugly cords, but I decided to keep it real, yo. Ok, and I'm lazy. And busy. And I'd also like to know what to do about them. I think I should nail them to the wall and paint them black. Thoughts?

I already had the Karly Springer(ish) console table, but I added a few nick knacks, trying to keep the neutral vibe going. The Head came from Room Service, the mask and bronze hand were both made by art school buddies, and the faux bois tray is vintage. The cord is pissing me off.

Here's a view of the left side of the dining room/entry way. I didn't want the dining room pieces to compete with the ceiling, so I kept everything on the down low. Except for Doris.

Doris is my new David Hockney(ish) million color screenprint that I picked up for $4.99 while thrifting with the ladies. She's 100% hand pulled awesomeness.

Yet another view of the right side of the room... I may have gotten a bit carried away with the photos, but at least you can see that the vintage Drexel benches reverted to their original linen upholstery.

Beethoven is holding down the back corner. My friend Peter did the naughty etching above his head. It's a special surprise that you can only see up close and personal... real personal.

That's it for my home tour! Hope you dudes aren't disappointed that there aren't any trees growing out of the floor or poltergeists in the corners. I'll get to work on that, pronto.

Ish.