Holidays Gone Wild

For the most part, my neighborhood is tastefully decorated for the holidays in restrained strands of white lights and only the occasional fauxflake. (I wanted to take a picture of our front yard for the blog, but yesterday I had the sudden realization that Austin is a small town of distinct neighborhoods, and I don't really want any cyber stalking psycho killers to sneak in and chop me up into little bits while I'm sleeping. Perhaps I have been watching too much Dexter. ) I like that our house looks neat and tidy, but I was hoping one of our neighbors would go insane with the colored lights set to induce epileptic seizures, animatronic reindeer, and inflatable snow globes with Santas trapped inside for all eternity like Superman's dad on Kal-el. Or whatever. I just wanted some drama, you know? So today I am jettisoning all semblance of taste to bring you some tacky Christmas bling blung. You can always count on me to klass up your morning. If I lived in the swank neighborhood of Dyker Heights in Brooklyn, I could hire these folks to jazz up my yard.

The tree is pretty rad, actually, but I am not feeling the creepy creche. Plus it must cost a boatload to have your house done up like so. Like, enough to buy two Wiis. It's obviously a case of keeping up with the Joneses, though, because the entire neighborhood looks like Santa got a little airsick and made a few special deliveries.

Or maybe he just had a bit too much of the spiked nog?

A reminder that there are bigger, bolder forces than Santa at work here: perhaps we should lay the blame for this one squarely on the mouse.

I think the reindeer has plans to take the Grinch out... for the greater good, of course.

Meanwhile, in Ft. Lauderdale, this family is "putting Christ back in Christmas" by setting their 60,000 LED lights to DANCE to Emerson, Lake and Palmer's, "Nutrocker."

Last year, The NY Times reported that this billionaire hedge fund manager's home attracted countless visitors with its extensive light display. Due to the massive hit the financial sector -- and hedge fund managers in particular -- have taken, his display has probably been downgraded to something along these lines this year:

Hopefully he can rustle up the liquid assets to purchase enough electricity to power this baby.

I don't know about you, but where I come from, "fancy" holiday decorations look less like shining examples of wealth and more like this picture from here:

You know -- completely random small ornaments tacked on at completely random places with no sense of an overall scheme. It appeals to my sense of homeyness much more than the Dyker Heights hood, quite frankly. So does this one.

Ah, yes. Whither the humble plastic statue, lit from underneath to spotlight evil Santa who just wants to have a little holiday fun? My advice: keep to the lit path, friends. You don't want to lose a leg in a Christmas "accident."

Some people accrue so many decorations over the years that they have to build a corral to keep them from escaping. This beauty was featured in Park Cities People, which is a local paper that also serves the Preston Hollow neighborhood in Dallas, future home to one George W. Bush. Wouldn't it be hilarious if G Dub's neighbor was responsible for this? The power drain on the local grid alone might compromise security. Oh deer.

If you're feeling the recession pinch and don't have the cash to purchase 500,000 lights, or if you are even vaguely eco conscious, you could just dial the holiday fervor down a notch.

I really hope that reindeer sings siren songs about ice cream and cookies. With a display like that, homeboy best be serving up some treats from the hatchback.

Still not cheap enough for you? How about this:

What is there to say about this gorgeous green Grinch sweater the sweet picture itself cannot tell you? Only that it's available on Ebay and already has 11 bids on it. I know what I'll be making next year...

Well, dear readers, Karly and I will be taking next week off to indulge in holiday shopping, eating and general gluttony, but we'll be running some super sweet vintage posts sure to dazzle all but the 5 of you who have been reading DC since the verrrrry beginning.

In the meantime, have a fantastic holiday break full of animatronic deer and inflatable Santas!!!

Have a Rootin' Tootin' Shootin' Good Time

Tomorrow we leave town on our annual Thanksgiving pilgrimage. Every year my enormous family congregates at our farm near Texarkana, and we all enjoy good food, good company, and lots of redneckified activities, like ridin' four wheelers, burnin' stuff, and shootin' up a storm. I'm all about the four wheelers and any activities involving fire, but despite early indoctrination (I first shot a Glock at eight), I'm more than a little squeamish about guns. Because the only ass that's getting a cap busted in it is probably mine. Despite my misgivings, I really want to join in the fun. But I'm not even going to consider picking up a gun unless it looks like one of these:

(via Xirdalium)

Because, you see, everything does not look better in black. In fact, many things look good in pink and aqua with leopard on top, and there ain't nothing that don't look better in gold. No kind of thing.

Even though I was an eight year old badass with the hard black heart of an assassin, as a 32 year old wussy I may need to slowly ease my way back into the game. You know, get my feet wet. Try on some training wheels for size.

(via Glamguns)

Pretty pink Hello Kitty knows how to make a girl feel soft and feminine, but everyone knows that bitch can fight when backed into a corner. Watch out for the claws when they come out! Pft!

Who am I kidding? I may need to start out even... slower. Like, really slow. Like, more decorative, less lethal, slow.

(via A+R Store)

This paper AK-47 is probably a little more my speed. Pretty, but ineffectual. I'll look really cool while holding it, but self inflicted injuries will be kept to a minimum. Now we rollin! Dog.

Honestly, I kind of prefer the more old school weaponry. A little more Wild Wild West, with saloons and spurs, and weapons that aren't in the least automatic. Although the lack of modern medical technology is a definite minus for the accident prone. Wonder who that might be...

Awwwww yeah. Bet you thought I forgot this was a design blog! What have we here? Winchester shot glasses from Amazon, which are potentially lethal in a totally different way; A pistol shaped remote control seen at Design Boner that my dad would kill for; the uber slick "Smoking Gun" via This Next; and Jonathan Adler's whimsical needlepoint pillow, adored by pistol packin' grandmas everywhere.

Of course, my newfound frippery would look fabulous against this old-school-meets-young-stunna backdrop:

Designer Wallcovering carries Thug Stripe black and white gun wallpaper. Yes, please. And I have just the thing to cast a perfect, decoratively violent, glow upon it.

Rock and Royal (purveyors of the OG nefarious pirate ship chandelier) think that everything looks better under crystal, and they can glue, string, stitch, or wire it together in just about any configuration imaginable. I'm just not sure if I like the AK or the snub nosed pistol better:

Whereas the AK is sharp and pointy, the pistol is so soothing and unassuming. It says, "What, me? Dangerous? Never." Kind of like that douchebag boy you dated in high school, and you remember how that turned out. Alrighty, AK it is!

Or maybe I don't want any guns hanging over my head. They don't exactly connote the same sense of imminent death that, say, a guillotine might. Still, there are only a few wires keeping that barrel off my neck. Perhaps I'd be better off with something gravity bound.

I blogged about this super fly gold table lamp by Philippe Starck a hundred million years ago, but time has done little to assuage my lust. I like that the business end is pointed up. I like gold. I like fetishize guns. Enough said.

But if I'm being realistic, I'd probably get the most use (and street cred) out of this little number:

(via Trendhunter)

Everyone respects a gun-shaped flask full of tequila. Especially during the holidays.

Procrastination Nation

I'm sorry I haven't finished my top design post yet, I keep getting sidetracked with this pesky little thing called commonly referred to as "work."  I was able to procrastinate earning an income long enough to read my 1st dibs newsletter, which put me in a state of deep deep desire.  The coveted objects?  These lights from antiques dealer Donzella LTD.:

Crystal and Brass Hanging Fixture by Fontana Arte

AND

Pair of Delta Parete wall-mounted lanterns by Sergio Mazza

I also probably need this:

Sculptural Table Lamp by Carlo Nason for Mazzega

Ok, back to work.  I PROMISE to have the top design round up of your life oh-so-soon