Live Large Like Louis

Friends, has the recession got you down? I know you're bummed to no longer have a bundle of Gs just laying around for that newest set of Louis Vuitton trunks you planned to scatter artfully throughout your home in an oh so status conscious gesture that screams, "I have money to burn, bitches!"

Tommy Hilfiger via Fashionphile

Kanye West

House Beautiful via Margaret Long

So what's a label whore* to do when the economy declares most emphatically that there shall be no more excessive spending?

*Not that I'm judging, since momma wouldn't turn down a free LV bag. Hint, hint sponsors...

Well, you could bring some curb appeal to your real estate and watch the value skyrocket:

The window bars really ratchet the klass factor up a notch or 20, don't you think? Via

Of course in a house so special and ah, unique, one can't be expected to live a common, pedestrian existence, can one? One must extend one's special uniqueness to all aspects of one's daily life.

Really, how could one be expected to use a common Hefty trashbag? That would be wimpy wimpy wimpy. Via

Or have a common pet, for that matter? I think this pig would really say, "I like money, but I'm not afraid to get my hands entire body dirty."

I'm not sure brown is the best color in this context. Via

Now this is what I'm talking about! I'm not even kidding. I never wanted to drive a Cutlass Sierra until now, but I neeeed that car. Hopefully the man doing sexy pose on it is not included because he's covering up my paint job. Maybe they make Louis Vuitton camouflage? That would totally appeal to hunters everywhere, I'm sure.

Soft Stuff

Since I've had a kid, our tiny world has suddenly become a treacherous place. Whereas I used to see only beauty in my 60s walnut Lane end tables, now I see very sharp corners for baby's head to fall on. Brian, my super awesome golden deer, has needle like hooves destined to impale him in the chest. And of course my tall vintage lamps look ready to rain down sharp shards of glass knives into little Ike's eyeballs. Not that I worry much. Or watch horror movies. Still, I've had way too much time to think about this, so I've decided what I should do is cover everything in padding. Everything.

Yeah, like that. Jurgen Bey is my new hero, because did I mention that I have a spiky snake plant that is sure to spear my precious dude? Obviously I should cover it in soft felt, right?

I also have this killer ornate gold headboard. As in literally killer. Maybe I should replace it with this witty stuffed gold fabric rendition by Alessandra Baldereschi. I plan to lose the cacti, though.

Baldereschi also has dinner time covered with this quilted placemat. Do you think it would be possible to eat with fabric cutlery, as well? To hell with sanitary conditions.

Hopefully he will never be tall enough to reach a doorknob (I plan on raising an elf, and it might happen, because I am not a tall person. And I have pointy ears), but if he ever does get that big, I'm padding my doors, post haste. On the left is a groovy vinyl door via flickr user sgrah, and on the right, a door at the Kenmore Arms.

Kiki van Eijk obviously has small children -- or perhaps even some cats she reallly cares about -- because the lady covers everything in a layer of softness. To wit, check out this rad padded chest of drawers.

She gets major bonus points for making it in black and gold.

This padded dressing table will surely keep baby safe while Mommie Dearest applies her lipstick. Don't worry -- there will only be padded hangers allowed. NO WIRE HANGERS!

Look, Kiki is so concerned with our safety that she ever makes a "soft" teapot. Sadly, it's actually made of ceramic and the softness is but an illusion, designed to induce false feelings of comfort. Damn you, Kiki, I thought you had my back!

Just kidding, Kiki. I know it's a tough job protecting the soft, fleshy parts of of tiny, vulnerable humans. That's why I think I just need to go full throttle, comme ca:

I already feel like I'm living in a mental institution anyway, so this padded cell room I blogged about here might just be the best solution to the problem. Obviously I would have to lock the door to the bathroom, since water and hard floors spell Danger. But Ike's already in diapers and I'm sure he would never know the difference if we kept him in them a little longer, right? I figure that maybe by the time he turns 18 he'll be able to leave the cell room and venture out into the world.

As long as he's wearing his bubble.

G Select CONTEST!!!!!!!!

You know what we love around here?  Love letters.  You know what we love even more?  When said love letters include an offer for our dearest darling readers.  Last week the lovely gents at G Select, purveyors of awesome men's care products, wrote us with a preview of their newest endeavor:  a web store chalk full of awesome home goods.  The note got better with the offer of a contest.  G Select is giving one of our commenters a fine fine prize from their new shop.  Let's take a look at the goodies that they carry and I'll announce the prize at the end of this post.

There are 2 key things I look for in home decor: 1. quirky-ness.  I love an item that makes me giggle.  Or think.  Or both.  and 2.  Clean lines.  No fuss please.  I'm happy to say that the goodies in G Selects shop kill on both counts.  Clockwise from top left:

Hippo Door Mat (psst, they also have a rabbit version)

Black Moose Trophy Head

Aurea Dish Rack

Dip Vase in Black

Ballfinger Floor Lamp in White

Leti Table Lamp in Brown

Bloom My Buddy Vase

Tableau Tablecloth

There's tons on this well stocked site, but the section that caught my eye was appropriately labeled to die for

Oh, I wish they could give all of this away.  To me.  Here's what we've got, clockwise from top left:

Milk Bottle Lamp

Tomas Eyck Multi Color Pillow

Chandelier 85 Lamps

Bespoke Pillow

Thomas Eyck Yellow / Purple blanket

Thomas Eyke Red Lime Black Small Blanket

Don't worry, for our discerning male readers, you can still get all spiffy clean with their well-packaged men's care line, GESSATO

And now, for the fun part, our give-away:

G Select is giving one of our readers a Tam Tam stool in their choice of color:  indigo, red, jade, black, white, or orange.

Leave a comment to be automatically entered to win.  You have one week to enter, deadline is midnight central time next Monday (August 17th).  I'll then activate the random number generator and beep boop beep boop:   The winner will be announced in my post next Tuesday.  How easy is that?