Panic Attraction

OH MY GOD, the swine flu is coming! The swiiiiiine fluuuuu! Everybody FREAK OUT. RUN. HIDE!!!!!!!! Remember SARS? The avian flu? West Nile virus? All those other pandemics that resulted more in spiked ratings for the major news networks than in spiked fevers for you and me? Well, this just in: THE SWINE FLU IS NO MORE DANGEROUS THAN THE REGULAR FLU. Sure, the flu sucks -- just ask Karly. Hell, she may have even had the swine flu for all we know, but she is still alive (trust me on this. I'm way too lazy to write posts for her).

So just chill, panicked people. Besides, wouldn't you rather look like this:

lucy and bart

Than this?

swine flu freakout

I mean, those masks are just tacky, and what is the point of touching your infected mask to another infected mask? It's like two nasty sponges mingling in a disgusting, germy sex dance. Gross.

And really, what do we have against viruses anyway? They're kind of pretty.

swine flu

Awwww, look at that cuddly little guy floating around in there! Maybe the swine flu is just looking for love in all the wrong places? So, today let us celebrate the beauty of nature's most resilient replicator in all its inspired glory. This flu's for you.

phillipe starck

Viruses really are elegant examples of design. Stuff some DNA in a hard protein casing, and voila: Bacteriophagearrific! Even Philippe Starck knew to borrow from the basics -- his virus-inspired juicer for Alessi remains one of his most classic creations.

dna lamps

dna lamps

And really, no one can blame little ol' DNA for the flu. Because ATCG combined is one bad motherfu -- What? I'm just talking 'bout the building blocks of life! DNA Lamps by Next.

vitra chair

What that DNA can do is just magical -- slimey oozy gooey, groovy. New Order Chair by Jerszy Seymour for Vitra.

chernobyl doll

And who's afraid of a few extra mutations here and there? There's just more to snuggle up to, in my opinion. Chernobyl Doll by Jaime Pitarch.

cloud chair

This pretty shiny chair by Richard Hutten looks so much like our swine flu buddy that it should be named "Swiney for your Heiny." I think it has a ring to it, don't you?

kithkin

kithkin

Check out the Contamination series of ceramics by Tamsin Van Essin. Ok, so the designs were inspired by bacterial colonies, and I really have no clue how bacteria work except that they're anaerobic or something like that (bio was a LONG time ago, ok?), but today bacteria is also getting a free pass. E Coli = E Cool!

reddish

Bom chicka bom bom, these aluminum cast tables from Reddish Studio make sickly look sexy.

third space

third space

Pretty soon the whole world is going to look like this anyway, so there's really no use fighting the new germ order. Third Space by the Academy of Fine Arts in Munich.

glove lamp

So, throw away all those creepy masks and pesky latex gloves, and join the viral revolution. Glove Lamp by Katarina Britse.

swine flu

And while you're at it, kiss a pig for me.

Ikea, I Hate to Love You

I pretty much don't buy new things. Mostly it's because I'm cheap, but when I'm making some pretense at self righteousness (usually when trying to justify the purchase of yet another thrifted chair to the Hunny), I say that I'm saving the earth. Pretty much single handedly. Ok, Karly helps, too. However, we're remodeling our kitchen, and gosh darn it's hard to thrift built in cabinets. Plus we're furnishing/decorating a nursery, and used sheets and rugs for le bebe just won't work for me. This newfound taste for uh, newness, has resulted in THREE trips to Ikea in the past week alone. If you've never been to an Ikea store, just know that a) there is never one conveniently located by your house and b) it takes hours just to navigate the showroom labyrinth.

ikea rounf rock

You see, Ikea's "floorplan" is actually a nefarious plot designed to keep you trapped within the store for the longest possible time without actually causing brain damage. But I can tell you, it comes damn close. So today, I'm going to shower you with all the Ikea knowledge I've gleaned over the past few months of epic trips, in the vain hope that I might spot some goodies for you and prevent Ikea overload should you ever step into the store yourself. Even so, it might be best to tie a rope to your car, all Poltergeist style. Just in case.

nursery

First of all, what in the world have I bought there? Well, this corner of our nursery (yes, there is a bed in our nursery, but don't worry -- there's a crib, too) features a Ludde sheepskin on the rocker ($49.95), the Stockholm nubby throw ($29.99), a pair of black Jorun pillows ($14.99 ea), and linen Aina curtains ($49.99 for 2). Sorry, Le Tigre is not available at Ikea. I have to say that of all these items, I think the curtains are a steal. They're linen, 8 ft tall with rod pockets in the back and faux pinch pleats in the front. Good deal.

ikea asker

Additionally, I've bought a bazillion dollars worth of kitchen stuff there, including Abstrakt white cabinets and Nexus brown black cabinets. (You can read all about my obsession with both in this post.) I've been shopping for some kitchen accessories to go with, and I think these Asker egg shaped cups on rails are pretty swift. They also look nice in this cute office, which is sadly marred by that creepy "Hello." Link via Apartment Therapy.

dining room

And, of course, I love my giant wicker beehive light ($89.99 for the biggun) that hangs in our dining room, which currently looks nothing like this. At all.

In addition to all these purchases, my pinched pocketbook lusts after -- but will probably not buy -- the following items:

blob lights

Blob lights! Ok, I might actually buy a pair of these bad boys because THE HUNNY LIKES THEM. This does not happen. Ever. Ikea Jonisk, $49.99. Awesome proportions -- it's big.

ikea patio set

I would also lurve to have an entirely new patio set... alas, I am broke. But if you're shopping for a giant umbrella, Ikea has some super fantastic ones. This cantilevered badass is HUGE. Ikea Karlso, $129.00 for 10 feet of shade.

ikea brommo

Ikea also rolled out these new deck chairs for the summer season. Brommo has all the elements of a classic: clean lines, decent construction, and it's comfy. Plus you gotta love a good rope chair. $59.99.

ione skye house

You could always imitate the effervescent Ione Skye and buy these lounge chairs for your outdoor wonderland. Karl Skrona is kinda pricey at $169, but if it's good enough for ex Mrs. David Netto... (Netto, what were you thinking, anyway? Ione is adorable!)

ange chair

If you're among the rich and famous and have $129 to burn on ONE chair, the Ange is Salternini sweet. Oh, and Karly and I would each like a set of six while you're at it. Thanks!

door 16

Anna from Door Sixteen has the Karlstad couch, and I have to say that sucker is super comfortable! Another friend has the same sofa in a sectional configuration, and I am sorely tempted to sell my leather sofas and buy one, too. It's that squishy good. Do yourself a favor and buy the best fabric they have. $599 for gray wool flannel.

ikea rugs

One of Ikea's greatest strengths is probably their textiles; the rugs in particular are priced well considering the materials and patterns. Clockwise from top left: 1) Admete, two sided cotton runner, $19. 2) Flatweave Jorun, two sided wool, $179. 3) Tarnby, braided jute $99 (much nicer in person -- very thick). 4) Stockholm, wool, $229.

ikea duvet

They had some pretty cute new duvet covers when I was there, too. Love this one in a child's room, styled by Creature Comforts. Unni Slinga, $19.99 for duvet cover and two pillowcases.

Ikea's other greatest strength is its straight up cheapness when it comes to the basics:

ikea lights damien hirst

Remember my last post about Blobs where I waxed hateful on Damien Hirst and how damn much money he makes for "designing" things like the light configuration in this home? Well, eight Ikea lights later and you've got your very own Damien Hirst design. Left: Lillholmen, $9.99. Right: Fado, $29.99. Boo ya!

So, in closing, I would like to summarize all the things I like about Ikea: 1) It's cheap. 2) Sometimes it's cool. 3) They have great customer service, as in they will take ANYTHING back. Are you listening muthereffing Target? I'm also in love with tiny Bob, the kitchen designer at the Austin store, and Kumar, the most excellent customer service dude, ever. 4) They have this new deal where using your debit card nets you a 3% credit on your next trip. Yay! Free money! 5) They only have reusable bags -- no disposable plastic nasties. 7) "Ice cream" cones. 6) Occasionally they give their products very funny names, like this corkscrew:

groggy

But it's not all sweet smelling rosy stuff. There are things I hate about Ikea, too. 1) It's far away. 2) It's really far away. 3) The zombies:

ikea zombies

If you've ever been to a brick and mortar Ikea store, then you know eactly what I'm talking about.

Recession Proof Shopping with Amy Lau

After watching every single episode of America's Top Model during my sick time this week, I decided it was time to reintegrate myself into the working world with a little intellectual stimulation.  After visiting some of my favorite blogs, I cruised on over to the New York Times Life and Style pages.  Baby steps, people, baby steps. Anyhoodle, my mushy brain was jerked back into action after reading Amy Lau's (shown below checking her pulse) tips for shopping sensibly during the recession

Ms. Lau is an interior designer in New York and co-chair of the annual sculpture objects and functional art fair, which, admittedly, is supposed to be pretty badass.

I think running around with all those high-society artsy-types may have clouded Lau's vision a bit, as she seems blissfully unaware that a recession-minded shopper may not want to spend $900 on a watch suspended in a resin purse.  Go Figure.

On the right is Yeni Mao's Porcelain Siamese Bird Vase for $250, on the left, our aforementioned artbag (it's a lamp, too!) for $900

This is all well and good and if someone would like to buy a $900 purse/lamp/broken watch, please be my guest.  But if you are going to write an article about a $900 purse/lamp/broken watch, please do not include any of the following:

“Just because something has a higher value or a big name doesn’t mean that it’s more special,” she said. When carefully selected, affordable pieces can offer as much sculptural appeal as big-ticket ones.

To make her point, Ms. Lau went shopping in Manhattan and online for everyday objects that deliver a visual punch.

Let's see what else she found!

On the far right: a leaded-crystal Paro Double Wind Goblet by Achille Castiglioni for $150.  According the the article: When one side is filled with liquid, the rim of the other acts as the base. It is "pure sculpture," she said. “You can just imagine the conversations people will have about it."

Seriously?  So, we're suggesting that I forego my family's grocery shopping this week so that I may invite, what appears to be, the most conversationally-challenged guests over to discuss a crappy glass that has a hold-your-liquid side and a hold-the-glass-up side?  Someone needs to get new friends.

Also shown above: Michael Geertsen's Closely Separated Vase for $225 (I actually really like this vase, but probably wouldn't suggest it for anyone who's looking to save their pennies) and Piet Houtenbos $55 Hand Grenade Oil Lamp.  Again, like it, but not suggesting it.

What is this?  I can't believe I'm showing this picture on our beautiful blog. Ok, according to my notes, it's a brass Lehti tray by maria Jauhiainen.  It's $800.

I believe this is a picture of several ceramic lamps (clarify yourself NYT caption!) by Danielle Pianezzola.  These recession-friendly lamps range in price from $2,555 to $2,970.

Did I tell you about the time I found an arc lamp on the side of the road?  Maybe they should have interviewed me for this article. 

For those of you wanting to combat the recession by retreating to your cabin in the woods to write your manifesto, please remember that you will need this set of 3 graphite writing instruments for $198.  You want to be taken seriously, don't you?

Hmm, well, it looks like I've reached the end of Ms. Lau's list.  Let's do some math to see how much money we've saved by taking the designer's advice:

Turn it either way! Wine goblet= $150

My Tray looks like those leaves in the yard Tray = $800

Holy Cra-lamp: $2,555 (I went for the least expensive one)

headless birdy vase: $250

take down the man writing instruments: $198

cute yellow vase: $225

would look better in gold grenade: $55

purse / lamp thingy: $900

Add it all up, and, look!  We've only spent $5,133.  For a similar amount, I had considered putting down hardwoods in my house, or getting a jump start on the kitchen remodel.  I might have even started up a little college fund for our yet-to-be conceived kiddos.  Thank god the New York Times had Amy Lau intervene on their behalf, now I can have all these really great "conversation pieces not tchotchkes" instead of doing something really stupid with my money.