2013: Year of the Wrecking Ball

Yes, I am still alive. I know it may seem like I fell off the face of earth, but that's only because you don't follow me on pinterest. Ahhhh, pinterest. Is there any place easier to access with my left hand whilst the right shoves a boob in the baby's mouth at 5 am? Nay, I say there is not. And what pinterest is bringing me these days is tile envy. Major major tile envy.

Pinterest room.

My room.

I feel that I should defend the cleanliness of our grout -- it really is cleaner than it looks in the picture! I promise! Maybe it's wet or something??? -- but seriously, what's the point? Completely indefensible.

I would kill for those $1 black and white checkerboard tiles (set in a diamond pattern, please), and even the cheapo white square ceramic tiles behind the tub. I don't need fancy -- I need NEUTRAL. For heaven's sake, who thought greenish khaki (basically bile colored) tiles were flattering in a bathroom?

Oh, and let's not forget the kitchen.

What. The. What.

So this is how things break down: since we moved in I have either been sick and pregnant, on bedrest, or the caretaker of a newborn and a sassy three year old (they're still here -- just older). I did my best to transform the things I could with paint, curtains, fabric, etc., but there is some fundamental horribleness lurking in this house that must be demolished. The tile must die. The cabinets must be painted. A bowling ball might accidentally be dropped on the granite counters.

I need to win the lottery.

And/or maybe learn how to set tile.

In the meantime, I'm going to return periodically to take you on a tour of the cute rooms I have "finished," and probably you will be so wowed by my magnificent decorating and photography skills that you will hire me to help you do one of those things.

Won't someone think of the tile? For only the price of a cup of coffee a day it could be saved.

As long as that cup of coffee is a grande starbucks somethingccino with 24k gold sprinkles on top, but who's counting.

It's good to be back.

Happy New Year!

The Craziest Thing I Have Ever Bought Has Arrived

Ok dudes, I have maybe four minutes to write this post before Luke demands to be fed and then proceeds to vomit forth said feeding all over my briefly clean clothes, so buckle your seat belts because this is going to be a lightning fast haunted ass trip.

Remember how I said I can't stop shopping at 4 am? Yeah, I wasn't kidding. And at 4 am your brain isn't wired quite properly... it might gravitate towards the quirky end of the spectrum. So when I saw this, my semi wired synapses sputtered and sparked up the old paypal account pretty much immediately. Love at first bleary sight.

Yes, that is a mega giant hand painted Victorian backdrop used for photographs. Like this.

These painted backdrops were used as early as the daguerreotype era, but more commonly for tintypes or carte de visites. Oh, and did I mention that I used to make daguerreotypes and albumen prints and all sorts of other toxic and delightful antique processes? I had to have this thing. Had. To.

Then it arrived in all its crumbling, eight-foot-square glory. Holy shit -- BIG. Oh, and look at my new leprechaun green velvet chairs... they are GREEN.

Anyway, lucky for me Ben and my sweet father in law are handy men, capable of nothing less than magic. In other words, they built stretcher bars for this bad boy and then framed him up with cheapo molding from Home Depot that I spray painted gold (duh).

All along I had plans to transform the back wall of our living room from this drab, flat blahdom:

To this splendifirous rendering:

Ok, sure that may be Albert Hadley's house, but you get the idea. I bought the backdrop to be a backdrop.

But, huh. Hmmmm. Yeah, I don't know about that. PS, this is about how dark and flat that wall really is for most of the day. I photoshopped the bejeezus out of the other picture I posted previously... before I had a baby. When I had time to photoshop things and use a tripod and SHOWER.

Where was I?

I think I need to rethink my Albert Hadley plan. I don't like how much of the backdrop is being backdropified by all the stuff piled in front of it. Should I ditch the mirror? The lamps? The credenza?

All of it?

I haven't had the time or pumped up the muscles to move that credenza out of the way, but I have had time to make some mockups. Of course. Behold:

Option 1 recycles the rug I already have, tosses the credenza and adds a smaller antique oval library table. I saw one similar to this a few days ago... totally doable. I did black library sconces and muted pillows to tone down the rug.

Option 2 is a little more glamooooor. Brass and glass console (this is an actual table I could buy, thus the wonky angle), brass double sconces, same rug and pillows.

Option 3 is muted maximus. The sconces are similar to a pair I'm eyeing... new rug in this mockup.

I guess what I'm thinking is that the credenza has to go. It might fit somewhere else in this room...

Like where it used to be or behind the couch? But I use that white console as my desk, so then I would lose my desk space.

Also, thank gawd my house doesn't look like that anymore.

Phew, that's better.

Also also, whatever I do on the back wall needs to flow with the front part of the room. So I probably shouldn't go too Tudor Regency all up on it. Whatever that means.

Ok, kids. There you have it.

What should I do?

Here are jpegs of the chairs and backdrop... make your own mockups if you want to.

I'm sure you have nothing better to do -- like grocery shop and wash the sheets and sweep dust bunnies under the rug before your Thanksgiving guests arrive.

Speaking of, I need to do those things STAT.

Check y'all later.

Landslide!

Wow... I didn't expect the Blue vote to be so unanimous! Seems you guys feel the best is yet to come for the nursery. However, Mazey is pretty surprised the race wasn't tighter and isn't quite ready to concede the election. Meanwhile Frenchie doesn't give a shit because he just wants to smoke some pot and marry another Frenchie.

What? I'm only talking bout rugs, y'all.

Seriously, thanks for voting. For everything. For important stuff.

 Please keep me on your reader because I have lots of updates to share, including the new rug in situ (which will it be?!), and a MEGA CRAZY purchase that could be fabulous but might be 100% fail... Also I have gone on a pillow binge that shows no signs of stopping.

Oh yes I did.

And finally the hall wallpaper should be up soon...

Hooray me! Obviously I am the winnah here.

Later, taters. It was so awesome to hang out again!!!

See you soon.