The Great Escape

Have you been waking up to a gnawing feeling of despair in the pit of your stomach recently? A feeling that says something like, "Oh no! The economy! Oh no! Christmas! Oh no! Christmas and the economy!" Either Mr. Bill is living in your stomach or you've come to the same conclusion that most Americans have: Dudes, we are so screwed. People are so desperate to "save" money that they are shooting each other in Toys R Us and trampling underpaid Wal-Mart workers in the store. Is there any deal so great that it could possibly allay your growing suspicion that the Econolypse is nigh? Is there any bargain so stellar that it will magically balance your checkbook and make you think, "Wheeeeeee! I can't wait to get out of bed this morning!" No there is not. So, just stay in bed. Pull the covers over your head. Retreat into your own private pod. In the interest of your fragile mental health, I am hereby presenting some inspiration that will allow you to shut out annoying reality and focus on hypo sensory blissdom. If it helps, you can turn up the Kenny G and start drinking from that flask of booze you have hidden under the mattress. I won't tell.

transposrt bed

Of course it might also help if your bed was shaped like a hibernation chamber, had synchronized LED lights and a built in stereo system, like the Transport Bed designed by Alberto Frias.

transport bed

Ooooh look! It comes in kicky colors and you can even haul it out to the middle of the desert so you can finally get some peace and quiet, because the desert is so damn LOUD, you know. At $10,000 clams you might just want to pull your own covers up a little higher. Then ask a family member to use a flashlight and send you a synchronized sensory morse code signal that says, "Chillax. This isn't really happening."

metronaps

You could always ask your workplace to install a personal Energy Pod by Metronaps in your office. A little shield protects you from the world for 20 whole minutes so you can powernap your way to increased productivity!

metronaps

Wait -- Do I spy AIG executives? Hey corporate douches, am I paying you $700 billion in tax money to sleep on the job???! I hope that Pacman chews his legs off. Or maybe instead of waking him after 20 minutes of napping, the Energy Pod 2000 will turn his life support system off.

cat pod

Happy place! Happy place! At $150, this little cat pod available via Generate Design is almost affordable. Of course, my half feral feline friend would scratch my face off if I tried to put her in it. How about for a baby...?

cwg

Let's face it: in order to transcend your fears, you may need to subject yourself to contemplation of the worst case scenario. This avatar of death should help take you there.

cwg

Awww... but the giant Sensory Deprivation Skull by Atelier Van Lieshout is so cute and cuddly on the inside! Golly, you just can't judge a pod by its cover, can you?

zaha hadid

Raina of the fabulous If the Lampshade Fits alerted me to this little gem. After facing your deepest darkest fears in the cold grip of The Skull, you may need a little fortification. Mosey on over to the space pod bar designed by Zaha Hadid at the swanky Home House in London for a little R and R. Maybe you'll see that astronaut who lost a $100,000 tool bag crying his eyes out on a stool next to you. Misery loves company, right?

elle decor uk

You and a friend can be miserable together at this home featured in Elle Decor UK. While the home itself is very open and spacious, it features some isolation stations for those times when you need Calgon to take you away.

elle decor uk

There's nothing like the movies to indulge your escapist fantasies. Settle into these giant foam coozies inset into the wall and face the music.

You could always kick it old school and float up, up and away in your beautiful magic bubble, far from the common clutches of the filthy plebian masses.

sokolsky

sokolsky

sokolsky

I'm not gonna lie. These vintage (as in BEFORE Photoshop) fashion photographs by Melvin Sokolsky are dope. Glenda the Good Witch of the North ain't got nothing on this shizz. I have a new fantasy. (via Vintage & Chic, a super Spanish blog).

bubble chair

Some more happy times and simple pleasures via Jeff Andrews Design. But turn down the Kenny G for a sec and let's get real: there may be altogether too much contact with the world here. It's not safe. Noise! Germs! Advertising!!! For the love of all that is holy, we must forage for total encapsulation. A place where the taxman can't find you, a media-free outlaw station where we can go rogue. It must be miles from the siren song of cost prohibitive gifts and scintillating wrapping paper, leagues from Barbies and Transformers and iPods, oh my!

tree spheres

These crazy tree spheres set waaaaay out in the boonies might do the trick. Except -- and it's a big one -- that there rectangle in the bottom left corner is an outhouse. I don't know about you, but that's not going to work for me. Ok, that and the fact that it costs $125,000 to buy a sphere and live on planet Endor with the Ewoks. Gosh, those little guys are cute, though. The Ewoks, I mean.

ewok

No, I think I've got another solution. One gleaned from nature, and also from experience gained while engineering forts in my youth.

down by the river

down by the river

It's a sweet homemade nesting pod, and I bet you could build one from recycled plastic bags and Tyvek. Anchor it with a couple of chains and, whammo! You're off the grid! Screw that Visa bill and who needs a car, anyway? Oh, but I will be needing my iPod (you don't expect me to sit out there in silence, do you?), and a few changes of clothes because the outdoors are gamey, also I'd like my Pantene, because clean hair = humanity. I might get hungry... could you bring me some snacks? I especially like Rice Krispies treats.

Oh hell. If I have to pack a suitcase just to live in a plastic nest for overgrown birds, then I'm going back to bed.

How Not To Spend Your Lottery Money

Today's post isn't as much about decor porn as it is about excessiveness, design abominations and the frivolity of tasteless wealth.  I'm talking, of course, about the Millionaire Fair.  In the spirit of overindulgence, I have invited one of our favorite bloggers, Raina, of If the Lampshade Fits, to join in the debauchery.  After all, we all want more, more, MORE!  Right?

 Since 2002, the Millionaire Fair has presented "a fairytale for the affluent, a cornucopia for culinary fans and a feast of superlatives."  (their words).  I asked Raina what she thought of this and of the future of the fair:   "Sadly, this fairy tale may end with a Grimm (ahem) case of affluenza, the symptoms being a shaky world economy, freezing credit, and painful portfolio shrinkage."   Probably, Raina, probably.  But we can still remember the good ole days, right?  And it's hard to imagine that I might not be able to pack a bevy of basketball player's wives into my converted Porsche-Winnebago for a road trip to visit this little gem myself.  The Lights!  The Fashion! The Enter-tain-ment!  I can't bear the thought of missing such sights:

Raina agrees:  "Doesn't it all sound delicious?!? Like an unfettered fantasy romp through a Disney-fied "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous."  The reality of which may come closer to "The Real Housewives of Orange County," replete with fake tans, fake boobs and fake personal pedigrees, than to any dreamy vision of privilege and grandure. (When your Mistress of Ceremonies is Elizabeth Hurley, who would show up to the opening of an envelope for the right price, you're off to a roaring start.) 

 "I have to wonder if the different venues dictate different product mixes.  Istanbul (sheiks and oilmen) would host a different type of swank than say Moscow (Peristoika-fed oligarchs) or Shanghai (Asian mafia).  The video highlights include a runway show featuring Fendi fashions, more appropriate for Munich or Kortrijk, Belgium.  Still photos show a very different and rather questionable mix of ensembles that are decidedly not haute couture (cough, Amsterdam, cough).  Is the height of chic a cheap-looking geisha robe over jeans from the Monica Lewinsky for J Brand collection?  With knee-high hose and payless pumps?  I must have missed that memo.  I'm not even going to comment on what looks like Sarah Palin's idea of Alaskan High Fashion."

After being assaulted by a myriad of poorly shot images from the fair (way to budget for a real photographer, Millionaires).  I can't help but wonder if I'm over analyzing the entire event.  Afterall, this appears to be just like an American auto show with ice sculptures replacing the rebel flags and Prada-and-skin-clad-girls with $400 dye-jobs replacing the spandex-and-skin-clad-girls with home perms.

Noting the dumbed up version of american ephemera, I show Raina a series of photos from the fair and ask for her comments.  Like any aspiring apathetic millionaire, I know when to delegate:

Tiffany, recognizing the need to reach out to a wider customer base, introduces the "Bridge and Tunnel" line of gifts.

Millionaire Fair "hostesses" come with a sanitary sash, discreetly replaced after each use.

The Millionaire Fair-ies welcome international dignitaries and guests

Ravaged by the current economic crisis, the U.S. Space program looks to the Millionaire Fair to secure sponsorship

The Windsor knot tells you this is a Millionaire Fair performance!

After careful surveillance I've absorbed Raina's observations and work up a couple equations, I believe my math holds water:

after all, here is a quick web-roundup of some products you can expect to see at the fair:

Do the very wealthy suffer from congenital sensory deprivation that can only be aided by attaching tactile sparkly bits to every last item they own?  Asks Raina 

I think Raina is on to something, but I think the target group is a bit more specific, and feel the need to pinpoint the demographic.  Get out your diamond-encrusted TI-82s:

By this point, of course, both of our heads are spinning:  The wealth!  The indulgence!  The brazen disregard for taste!  Can't. Go. On.  It is here that we (again, in the spirit of extravagance) ask for your input on this post.  I'll present a series of quick-fire questions.  You fill in the blanks.  Winner receives a gold-plated hunter's duck decoy coated in millions of precious stones courtesy of Harry Winston*

*actual prize and sponsorship are nonexistent.  winner gets love.

1.  Tie-dye is to hippies as _____________ is to attendees of the Millionaire Fair

2.  Myspace is to Social Networking as ___________________ is to the Millionaire Fair

3.  Ego infested socialites are to taste and class as _______________ is to ____________

And real quick like, before anyone leaves comments about wealth and jealousy and how we're a bunch of bitter hos, let me say:  I have no problem with millionaires,  are you kidding?  I wish I were one!  However, if I'm ever so lucky, I will never in a gazillion years sacrifice taste and composure in exchange for a plane ticket and admission to this so-called-luxury event.  Where is the design hidden in these comforts?  Where is the craft?  Where is the empathy for humanity?  I don't have a problem with the wealthy, but as soon as someone buys a $42,000 shirt, I have to raise an eyebrow.

Citywide Sunday

Friends, I am pooped. If you ask me, the holidays are all about overeating, undersleeping, and travel overload. My wee little brain needs a chance to recover from a dangerous sugar megadose, which is why I am pumping up today's post with less talk but more pictures. Obviously, it will taste great and be less filling. On Sunday afternoon, Karly, the very fabulous Jennifer Perkins of Naughty Secretary Club fame, and I kicked it frugal style at Austin's bimonthlyish Citywide Garage Sale. There were some definite steals and deals, and also just some weird crap. Check it, yo.

karly

Karly bought this awesome Black Beauty tapestry for $3. Every girl needs a stallion in the bedroom, no?

citywide

Cubism and gnomes! They go together like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong.

citywide

She's awfully haughty for a baldie, dontcha think?

citywide

This, also, is unfortunate.

citywide

I hate to spoil it for you, but this was the best picture I took all day. Sadly, it's all downhill from here.

citywide

The dude that ran this booth sold killer vintage backdrops. If you live in Austin, some of them are at Uncommon Objects. He also runs Webb Gallery in Waxahatchie.

citywide

Texas = Armadillos

citywide

More dead stuff.

citywide

This was Alonzo Huxley, beloved security guard of San Antonio. Apparently Alonzo's nephew sold his uncle's 40 pound bronze head to the proprietor of this booth. Note to self: nephews are unsentimental bastards.

citywide

Peppers, popes and ponies. What more could you ask for?

citywide

Perhaps a phenomenal Peter Max piece...?

citywide

Here stands a groovy little screenprint.

citywide

Calling all anachronists and lovers of obsolete technologies. Hipsters, come in. There is now an alternative to buying your tech goods at Urban Outfitters. Over and out.

citywide

If you pray hard enough, maybe you can get this vintage nativity set for free. Ask and ye shall receive, right?

citywide

In case you didn't already know, vintage dresses are freakishly tiny. That fills me with rage.

citywide

Cool it now with some shell chair love and capiz on top.

citywide

Sunny swagadelic lamp action always makes me happy.

citywide

I have a paint by numbers problem. It's inexplicable and stubbornly incurable.

citywide

I almost bought this lamp, but didn't. I may live to regret that decision, or the sugar withdrawals may kill me first.

That's it for my Citywide Roundup. All you people who keep threatening to visit and/or move to Austin will surely be dragged by force to the Convention Center to check out the aisles of cheap goodies being offloaded by desperate proprietors. Times is hard, y'all. All the better to buy vintage.