Everybody's Working For the Weekend

I'm totally jazzed, brimming with a new found sense of hope and purpose, so I've been cleaning and rearranging furniture like a crazy lady and -- oh, talented readers -- I find that I need your help once again. Yes, you did such an AMAZING job commenting on my dining room woes that I thought I'd enlist your help with an even more dangerous mission, one fraught with peril and certain death at every twist and turn. Ok, just kidding about the death thing. But seriously, I have been putting off redoing the kitchen for nearly a year and a half because I want to make sure I get it right. Do you think you can help me? Great! Let's get to work!

Here's a panorama of the dining/kitchen area. If you click on the link, you can look at it in a more useful size:

Hopefully it's pretty apparent how this wonky house is put together, but basically, the two red window walls face each other. There are lots of beams everwhere, and 500,000 cabinets. Yes, that many.

Note the gigantic pantry with hideous dental molding. And there are even more drawers behind the refrigerator... So, anyway, the problem is that there might be too many cabinets. At eye level. Which would be swell if they were on a wall, but they're not. They're floating over the bar like a levitating forest.

This is the view to the living room if I duck my head down six inches, and I'm only five foot one. Poor Karly and Hunny Bunny practically have to get onto their knees if they want to see into the living room.

Here I am with my chin on the counter, calling over the Great Divide. I feel like I'm at a peep show.

So, I don't really like all those cabinets getting up in my face, calling me short and telling me what a messy cook I am. Oh, and wait until you see what they look like on the other side.

That's as good as they're ever going to look. I got sick of looking at the acres of wood grain, so I hung some Ikea fabric over the built in shelves (read: crap repository) and lined the glass shelves with the same fabric. Half that junk is getting sold in our upcoming garage sale extravaganza, and I am truly loathe to buy stuff just to fill a dead space. Speaking of dead spaces, how about the end of the bar? This is the first time that side of the formica sea has seen the light of day in quite a while. Usually it's just a landing pad for junk mail and keys. Also, what good is a GINORMOUS bar if you can't sit at it? If you tried to sit here and eat, your nose would touch glass. So, if I rip the cabinets out, we can take the undermounted shelves out (which go back a ways) and carve out space for an eat in bar. Easy huh?

No. There's another problem. The Beam:

The one that goes all the way down to the bar (carefully crapoflaged by wine bottles) is load bearing, so it has to stay. Yep. The janky one at the end of the bar that goes to the ceiling is just to keep the cabinets from collapsing under their own fat ass wood weight. I've really got to stop feeding them so much! Anyway, if I rip the cabinets out, will The Beam look weird, just floating there?

And what do I do about the wall space?

This is the window wall with potentially salvageable cabinets. The ugly corner could be fixed by using some surplus doors... but do I really want to do that?

Because I can't save the cabinets over the stove (and Santa better be bringing me a new stove because this one is a health hazard). They don't end at the wall, so there's really no graceful way to keep any cabinets but the pair that flank either side of the window.

I was thinking I'd rip out all the uppers anyway, and do some kind of shelving. My plan was to keep the lower cabinets oak, re-oil them and get some new hardware, buy matching oak shelving for the wall space, and maybe throw in a few stainless rails here and there for spices and whatnot. But I have to have something to mount my hood underneath (no, I cannot afford a freestanding hood).

Down to the brass tacks: My budget is $1000. I know many of you will think it can't be done, but it has to be. I'm keeping the formica for now. (Even though I want soapstone, I have 75 square feet of countertops, so it's gonna be formica for a while.) I'm not buying new cabinets, but I could paint them if everyone thinks they're truly hideous. I'm getting a new range and dishwasher in stainless, and they won't be included in the budget. But I need a new faucet, shelves, hood and labor, which will be provided by Hunny Bunny and Karly's hubby (for a fee).

So, what do you think? Should I rip everything out? Should I paint, or leave the cabinets natural? What kind of hardware would you recommend? What kind of shelving and where should it go? Am I crazy for even thinking about this because it's going to destroy the resale value?

Here are some kitchen images for inspiration (and also just for pornographic purposes):

Fellow Austinite Alyson Fox's newly renovated kitchen featured at Design Sponge is a definite source of inspiration. She even has some similar Beam issues:

Habitually Chic did a post on open shelving and featured these kitchens:

Here's a lovely open bar and no upper cabinets seen at If The Lampshade Fits (in another drool worthy kitchen post!)

Some lovely and simple pictures via Domino:

I found this one at Door Sixteen, in a great post on unfussy kitchens (and you can also see Anna's own kitchen renovation over there):

So that's it for the roundup. I hope each any every one of you is formulating a master plan to save my kitchen from its hulking wooditude!

Whew! I'm tired from all this what iffing. But tune in next week for an interview with my Benjamin Moore paint buddy, Sanders, and all his colorful wisdom. Won't it be nice to have someone give information -- instead of me taking it  -- for a change?

But I really appreciate all your commenting love, so thanks in advance!

Yes He Can: A Top Design Story

Alas, the moment we have been dreaming about for months has arrived.  After much nail biting and speculation, the question was answered:  would America be able to elect it's first female Top Designer?  Apparently not.  Wednesday, November 5th, 2008 will forever be known as the day that subversive Nathan spray painted his way to victory.  Did you get your copy of the newspaper? By way of Nathan's win, America stood up and collectively shouted "No!!!  we can not take one more season of traditional design, Preston":

The better of Preston's dull rooms.  Note the Target pillows

The master bedroom that is absolutely, 100% made for sleeping

portfolio shot for job position at Rooms to Go the dining room

Ondine fell just short of victory, which may or may not mean that she now has to take Andrea to dinner and buy her a nice outfit at a posh New York store:

the actually cute girls room that (DRAMA!) almost didn't happen.

It's a shame that they have some intern with a point-and-shoot take these photos, they've managed to completely cut out the largest, and most interesting part, of this space:  the art work which stretched all the way to the ceiling.

Don't you guys feel like we would all like these rooms much more if we had seen them months ago when they were designed?  The time-lapse makes them all seem so passe now.  Oh, and I hate that light paired with the table (too small) and the wallpaper (too underwhelming).

The living room, minus the zebra rug, not so bad

Nathan and stole the show with, ahem, this:

The judges could not stop flipping out about this space and, aside from the groovy sculpture, I don't get it.  Maybe if I were actually IN the space?  I dunno.  I do appreciate that he skipped the formal living room and made a pretty, albeit useless, entryway.

boring bedroom 2.0: now with white curtains!

Nathan almost lost due to the criminally large sarcophagus in the family room.  He did pull at my heart strings a little by recognizing the flaw and not wanting to ask the movers to carry it back outside.  But then again, who carried it out after production was complete?

Clearly the best space in the house (and possibly throughout the entire season of the show) Nathan's dining area.  LOOK!  It's my table!  In white!  Despite how much I enjoy this space, I really can't stand that PAPER PLATE chandelier. I'm all for DIY, it's the reason my broke-ass has a nice home, but really, could you imagine presenting Margaret Russell with a chicken-wire-and-paper-plate chandelier?  You'd have to have ballz (or a ballsack shaped swarovski light) to try to pull that off.  Nathan, you had 80Gs to spend on this house, c'mon.

And finally, the centerpiece of this episode:

Kelly adds 10 years to her age while, ironically, trying to look like a little girl.  I actually like the dress, it's the braids, Kelly.  The braids!

We here at DC headquarters were so excited about this historic event, we even threw a party.  Here are some pictures*

*Election party photos substituted for photos of non-existent Top Design Party

So, there you have it.  Nathan won.  Eddie was mean.  Kelly was crazy pants.  Jonathan's marriage is no longer valid and, praise jesus, I don't have to write about this crap anymore.

editors note:  the part about Jonathan is bologna, get it together California.

Start Measuring the Drapes!

It's FINALLY over and ____________ won! Hooray! So, can you tell that I write my posts in advance? I haven't the slightest clue who won the election, but I'm hoping his name rhymes with "Yo Mama." If so, then I heard he started measuring the drapes in the White House months ago (according to the Republican pundits, anyway). I certainly hope so, because The White House is looking tired from the wear and tear of the last eight looooooooooooong and harrowing years. Don't you think a little facelift for our nation's treasure, first inhabited by John Adams some 500 billion years ago, would bring a spring to the step of Americans everywhere? Shall we not cast off the grime and stench of fear and oppression (and an overwhelming use of floral chintz) and usher in a new era of class and dignity? Hellz yes, I say. Come with me and follow this sad tale of covering up perfectly good decor with schmaltzy crap just to make your mark in The White House. Hmm. Sounds like a metaphor for the story of this country. The next president has definitely got his work cut out for him.

Before George HW Bush, the historic Treaty Room remained unmolested since Jackie Kennedy's renovation of it from random parlor back to its original 19th century roots. Apparently a bunch of treaties were signed in the the Treaty Room. Go figure.

The green carpet is not my favorite, but it looks all presidential and stuff, whereas George the Senior's iteration of the Treaty Room looks like someone's half blind grandma decorated it (complete with a bunch of half blind grandpas).

The curtains are particularly bilious, and when combined with the medallion carpet, the overall impression sets my stomach to roiling. Also, why must they fill the room with a bunch of dark and patterned stuff, and then leave the walls naked?

The Treaty Room in the Clinton years, while still fussy, at least looked balanced. Dramatic paint helped a lot.

And it was definitely better than Bush the Current's version of this room, which painted over the Clinton red and went back to daddy's unstyle (Can't have the stink of good Clinton decisions hanging about, can we?).

Golly, aren't you going to miss this zany cast of characters?! But I bet you won't miss the crappy decor. Verdict: democrats are better decorators than republicans. Further evidence to be presented below.

Jackie Kennedy's master bedroom could easily grace the pages of decor glossies today. Contrast it with the Reagan's Ted Graber decorated version.

Dear Jeebus, it looks like a plague of locusts flew in, perhaps planning to carry that wimpy bed out the window with them. Horrid!

And then there's the sad transformation of this sitting room:

In the 50s, Eisenhower stuffed it full of bland furniture crammed into dark corners, and covered the best asset of the room with ugly curtains that pop out like a jack in the box

Would you ever have guessed that this gorgeous window lurked beneath those putrid curtains? Jackie Kennedy and decorator Stephane Boudin opened up the space with light and a color palette that feels fresh and contemporary, even today. Things went downhill from there.

In 1975, someone went a little hog wild with the yellow and flower prints, and by 2000, the transition from classic to stuffy was almost (but not quite) complete.

2006, yet ripped from the pages of a 1987 back issue of Southern Living, this room is out of scale and out of whack.

Sometimes the changes are more subtle, but equally ill advised. For example, the Red Room.

Here it is in the 50's, looking much like a bordello with that red damask wallpaper and the double entendre candelabras. Jackie took the hooker vibe down a notch while still preserving the red hot drama.

Jackie knew something about scale, fo sho. That painting looks so much better there, and I like that the curtains blend with the walls, because there's a lot going on in here. The chandelier is less fussy than above and I'm glad that nasty red carpet is gone, but I'm not super keen on its replacement. But wait!

Let's redecorate and keep the carpet, but eff everything else up!!! That painting is WAY too wee, and the curtains are so overblown that I have to stop myself from making more sex jokes. I wonder what Jackie must have thought about all this "sprucing up" of her much improved decor. Yes, these are current pictures.

At least a few of the improvements she made were so undeniably good that they could not be touched. She redid the Diplomatic room from this:

To this:

And it still looks the same today. I loooove the crazy mural wallpaper that stretches all the way around the room, and her use of yellow is surprising. Here's another yellow room she did:

Lots of color -- love the red chairs! -- and simple shapes, very little pattern. Cut to today:

Ewwwwww! The shapes got curvier and pouffier and everything got barfed on by pattern. And those drapes!!! The story of the White House seems to be one of terrifying fabric choices and completely overwhelming drapery. Hate it.

Just look at this hideous sitting room used by Ron and Nancy:

Need I say anything about this lovechild of Charlotte Moss and Mario Buatta? No. I need not. But to be nonpartisanish, the room wasn't much better when it served as JFK's bedroom.

Maybe Jackie decorated it little boy style so JFK would feel embarrassed about screwing around on her in here. Could you picture Marilyn in this bed? Keep your mental images to yourself, please.

Still, Laura Bush redid the Lincoln bedroom, and I think it actually looks better than Jackie's version.

Jackie's looks unfinished to me. I don't like all that dark stuff floating on white walls. Laura did fill out the space a bit, if not in the same way I would have done it:

Although I probably could have done it for less than $530,000. No wonder our country is in debt!

Laura Bush may not have the style of Jackie O, but she's still a nice and classy lady. Very unlike Cindy McCain, who spent the cost of the Lincoln Bedroom on one outfit. You can't buy taste. And Laura's certainly classier than Sarah Palin, who would probably turn the White House into a trailer park full of broken snowmobiles, moth eaten bear hides, and crabs.

Of course, I am hoping for none of the above to freshen up the White House. Yes, Michelle Obama has loads of style, and doesn't need to spend a lot of money to get it. I'm looking forward to some smart, restrained choices in The White House, both on the drapes and otherwise.

Discussion, for all two of you who finished reading this entire novel: What designer would you like to see work with Michelle (or Barack... who knows? Maybe he really cares about fabric?) to redecorate the White House? What would you like to see them do?