Art, not F'art

If it seems like I blog about art a lot, it's because I have a gaping hole in the middle of the biggest wall in my living room, the living room that I am redecorating again after only one year of home ownership. Hunny Bunny is very unhappy about this development. I seriously need some art because the hole is making the process slower than Christmas shopping with grandma. I mean, until I'm holding the room's centerpiece in my hot little hands, how will I know how to finish the rest of it??? As evidenced by the superfluous question marks, I'm feeling a trifle impatient about the whole situation. Of course I already have a googleplex photos and paintings hanging out at home, but I'm sick of them all. Probably because I made most of them. But also because some of them suck. So when I saw this on My Love For You is a Stampede of Horses, I felt like a sweet ray of light had shone down upon me from the heavens above.

Or perhaps it was a moonbeam from an apocalyptic wasteland. Either way, Hilary Pecis' work currently on exhibit at the Receiver Gallery in San Francisco makes me want to find a black market for that pesky extra kidney I've been lugging around for years. There are diamonds in her paintings!

Ok, maybe just magazine pictures of diamonds, but still! When I first looked at her work, it reminded me of Leslie Shows' giant paintings, which I encountered on a studio tour of CCA years ago. I LOVE her titles; this one is called Brine Pipes:

Pecis and Shows both make large scale works that are painstakingly collaged from tiny scraps of magazines and then over painted in certain areas. Both of them deal with industrial/apocalyptic wastelands, and Surprise! Pecis is a CCA alum, too, so there must be something in the water over there. Perhaps it's nasty Dredge:

I saw these works in person, and they're so much more impressive when you can stand in front of them and count the hours that inevitably went into the making of such a piece. I want to stab myself in the eye with a fork every time I think about the fact that I probably could have bought a piece off her when I was standing in her tiny, dirty, mangy grad student cubicle. It's way too late now.

One more just because I love them so much. This one is called The Arrangement of Salts and Metals By Properties. Pretty and smart. Le sigh.

It's a good thing I encountered Pecis' work when I did, because I was on the verge of attempting to copy this:

God, I know that Andy Warhol's Rorschach paintings would look good on my wall, and I'm embarrassed to admit I got as far as pricing out canvases. It makes me feel dirty to even think about it, not because I feel guilty about ripping off Warhol's work (he's the original ripper, after all), but because IT IS MORALLY WRONG TO BUY OR MAKE ART BECAUSE IT MATCHES YOUR COUCH, or whatever. That is just F'art (faux art, as named by The Nerdy Fashionista).

But the gold Warhol painting at The Gramercy Hotel that I blogged about eons ago would be so, so perfect:

And talk about easy! Even I can pour some paint on a canvas and fold it in half. Sometimes when people snarkily suggest that a child could have done it, it's true. Like this painting in a Miles Redd designed room:

Ok, this one might be a bit more difficult for photographernotpainter Erin to get right, but it's so simple, and it looks so good with that color palette. New York School Abstract Expressionism has been struggling to fill my hole (ew!) even though I kind of hated that macho crap when I was but a skinny starving filthy grad student myself. Why, you may ask? Because I think those paintings are decorative. And that's a dirty word to an artist. But not to a decorator. Oh, the irony.

Camilla at Designalogue also helped to set me straight.

She did this fantastic post about art in interiors, and I thought this was far and away the sharpest set up. Oh, it just turned out to be her OWN HOME. Sheesh, that girl is good!

Alas, I am still on the lookout for the perfect, yet affordable, something to fill The Hole. Meanwhile, in search of art (and other things) Karly and I drove WAY out to the country this morning after we stayed up late and drank too much. We drove out past trailers overloaded with pink flamingos, like so far out we could practically hear the banjos in the distance, way, way far out to this crazy lady's house to look at some "awesome mid century retro furnishings and decor." Hm. After we waded through piles of rusty junk, herds of chicken, geese and guineas, past the eight dogs plus 10 puppies, I did find a weird old painting for $35. It's not THE piece, but it's A piece... of something.

Why oh why is demon baby's face blue, you are probably asking yourself. It may have something to do with this:

What the bleep is going on down there???

Nevermind, I don't need to know.

Weekend Bonus: Schmaniversary

I know I know, looking at someone's wedding photos is only slightly more exciting than a family vaca slideshow but Monday is my one year wedding anniversary, or as we like to call it, Schmaniversary, so I'm force-feeding you a few choice pics of my wedding decor.  Sorry. A little background:  We were married in a wee baby small art gallery, Okay Mountain, on the east side of downtown Austin. I rocked out an over-the-top tacky bird theme (rules:  no white birds, no white decor, no white dress) (oh, and no melon mixed in with the fruit, just the good stuff: mango, pineapple, strawberries, kiwi, et al).  I know the bird thing is a little played out, but I just couldn't resist the bright colors and down-right cheesyness of those fake birds.  Plus, I loved the vintage birdcages.  Buckle up, here we go.

Where's the Party?  Oh there's the party!  Painted sign c/o bridesmade Coco.

This picture does not do my centerpieces justice, but it's the best I could find.  LOOK at those tacky birds!!!  And, ah-ha!  GOLD painted birdcages.  i also painted a few of the twigs gold and had them mixed in with the natural branches.  Oh, another rule:  no birds inside cages, I thought it was a bad metaphor.

Look!  More cages!  I purchased the large one at a flea market only days after my engagement, it sort of kicked off the bird theme.  

Did someone say wedding cake?  Not gonna happen.  How about a choclatini toast instead?  Yes, much better.

We also had bird-shaped cookies surrounding little birds in nests, incase the choclatini wasn't enough.  Some people want the world.  (Did I mention that we had an open, fully stocked bar?  And food, lots and lots of amazing food c/o our good friend and chef, Roberto)

More birds.  There was also bird-shaped soap on bird trays in the rest room.

OH!  AND:

A giant bird cut out painting, which I commissioned from the lovely miss Hope Perkins.  It stood next to a birds nest basket of polaroid film for photo ops.  PSSSTTT, that's Design Crisis's own Erin and her hubby, Ben. Ben looks scary there, here's another shot:

Did I mention that all the guests got these silly bird masks?  Welcome, have a seat:

We got married at the same place as the reception, I also insisted that the bar open before the ceremony, so everyone was comfortably in their seat, bird mask and cocktail in hand.  

I know this picture doesn't show of the decor, BUT LISTEN, it totally cracks me up:  This is Matt next to his mother, who performed the ceremony, right before everyone came down the aisle.  Can you believe that petite Dr. Gregory gave birth to him?  ha ha!  Also funny:  Matt's only request was that I walk down the aisle to the MASH theme song, which I did.  Oh, decor note:  The only blemish on the venue was the chain-link back fence, which was the only good spot to have the ceremony, so we spray painted (mostly GOLD and a few other metallic colors) these wood boards and hung them from the fence.  Another shot:

That dress was off-the-rack and not made for weddings.  You would kill me if you knew how little I spent, and it pretty much ruled.

Oh look, it's my cousin, Caroline, who is crazy talented, she made my ring:

Caroline has a badass jewelry website that I encourage you all to visit.

Oh, look at how the sweet bird lamp lights up the sign-in table.  I wish I had a photo of the birdcage filled with rolled silverware.  The silverware was tied with a bird medallion.  Awwwweee.

I know, I know, only a mother likes this stuff, I'll wrap it up:

Quite possibly the best picture ever taken of Matt, he loved his bird mask!  Did I mention that this photo was taken by our own Miss Erin?  A-huh, she's fantastic photographer who brought her camera (with REAL FILM!) out of the kindness and goodness of her heart.  (note the silk-screened bird tie, c/o Etsy seller, Toy Breaker)

Last one:

No birds in site, but that's us.  I really hated every picture of me, this is the best I could dig up.  Also, isn't my bouquet awesome?  I picked out the flowers and ordered it from our local grocery store (no kidding!) for a bargain basement price that you don't even want to hear.

 So, that's that.  In the words of my wise friend Karl, one year down, forever to go. 

Someone Threw My Mirror Under The Bus: A Top Design Story

Sorry for the day late / 12 dollars short Top Design write up, like I said, Erin and I had art to look at.  But I was sooooo excited to get up yesterday morning to flip on my DVR to watch la TopD and write you all a review A-sap. Like most of you, I LOVE me some project runway, no matter how bad a season or how contrived a designer (I'm talking to you, Suede, current season) I will eat it up with a cliched spoon.  The best season BY FAR was season 2, hands down, no diggety, no doubt.  So when I saw that not one, not two but THREE of my season 2 PR alums were going to be rocking their bossy socks off on schlop design, my heart skipped several beats.  I'm revived and typing now. Woe is me.  First of, there was not nearly enough SANTINO.  Like SANTINO, I would have liked the show to have been completely about him and for his room to look like this:

well, maybe with a better picture, but you get the point.  That man is one self absorbed mess, you need to feed that people, feed it.  Instead Eddie and the non-de-script entity he was paired with gave him this:

ironically, the only room without a mirror.  And why is the mannequin RIGHT in front of the door frame, you couldn't even see her if you stood in front of the window.

I spent the last week on my vary hands and knees begging for a big PR reunion orgy / bitch-fest, apparently I must have spit in some orphan's soup because I pissed off the big guy so much that instead, I got a lesson in how not to use mirrors in a window display, over, and over, and over again.

let's, ahem, reflect:

Lesson 1.  Do not use mirrors to explain how much Pakistan is in the news or why Andre finally got a chance to be on TV again and only bothered to bring his D game.  I think this dress is a perfect parable for how sad it is to loose your favorite denim outfit

Lesson 2:  Staggered mirrors does not a David Hockney painting make.

Let's digress a moment:  First, Jeffrey noted that his line was inspired by Blade Runner, which I think is a little passe at this point.  Wasn't blade Runner sort of the fashion inspiration rage like 5 years ago? I guess he was taping Project Runway then and missed the bus (which is quite different from being thrown UNDER the bus, a common reality show phenom).  BUT even worse, Wisit and Kelly had NO idea what blade runner was.  Blasphamy!  Had they known, they could have made their window look EXACTLY LIKE THIS:

But I'm still not sure if his royal highness Jeffrey would have gotten it, as he *specifically* asked for "clean lines and minimalism, you know, like in Blade Runner"  Ahem, Mr. Sabella:

Jeffrey, meet blade runner, blade runner, meet jeffrey.  That shit ain't clean or minimal, yo.

Oh my how I've strayed, back to mirrors:

Lesson 3:  If you get in your time machine, travel back to 1998 and hold up a school bus of pre-teen girls then combine your stolen bounty with some awkwardly placed mirrors and a framed piece of wallpaper, congratulations, you have the top design. The win goes to Ondine and Natalie, care of sweet pea's kinda boring design.  But oh, I DO STILL LOVE YOU SWEET PEA.  Promise.

And finally, we have the last, and best, but kinda boring room:

Ok, can we talk about the fact that this room was based on A POEM.  Ahhhhhh!!!  Daniel you are so blissed out I want to pee my pants.  My ears vomited when you read that nonsense about golden sand and black branches and your mother's biscuits.  How is it that you 1.  Had the best dress by far and 2. The best window?  You are living in a fog created by your own imagined glowing aura.  I guess you didn't spit in any orphan's soup this week.

Usually, on design shows, I like to think about what I would do if I were given $2 and a box of macaroni (thanks Eddie for the only funny moment) and, of course, like any self indulgent and deluded designer, I'm sure my idea is superior to any being shown on screen.  This week, however, I knew that there was no way on God's green earth that I could possibly top the best window display of our time:

Congratulations, Viktor & Rolf, you have the top design.

Final Thoughts:

1.  Episode 3 Mrs. Schroder count = zero.  Great job, um, blondie.

2.  Is argyle a shade of green?  Nathan held up his GREEN color card and said "I have argyle"  did I miss something at the color summet?

3.  Nathan, Wisit, Eddie & Shazia all say they are 30.  Discuss

4.  Kelly wore this:

5.  Jeffery gawked at Wisit's idea of graffitti and rococo, proclaiming how low end it was. Jefferey, please follow this link:  You're a dumbass

6. Wisit really would not drop the Rococo thing, it was kinda sad and funny

7. The phrase "threw me under the bus" should be given the You Can't Do That On Television treatment

8. I'm sorry I don't have a picture of this, but did anyone notice that Preston's grass green tie matched Andrea's green dress at elimination?  That was easily the cutest moment of the show.  Good job, kids.