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Kids, drinking is wrong. But sometimes it is a necessary evil -- for example, when celebrating birthdays. And sometimes drinking leads one to fall out of one's chair, thereby bruising one's delicate derriere, although one might forget that it even happened, save for the twinges of painful reminders while sitting. Which generally occurs from the hours of 9 to 5. And oftentimes one does not sleep well after a night of imbibery, thereby ensuring that morning shall come too soon and the day shall be hellishly long. And writing is the LAST thing one wants to do, as all that type type typing disturbs the lovely silence, and also because the cursor is dizzying. Eventually one is forced to seek out flashy means of entertainment, as one has the attention span of a gnat. Behold:

Little Joseph candleholders by Qubus please one. One fantasizes about plugging Little Joseph's head hole with multicolored candles, and one laughs.

One also enjoys all kinds of piggy banks, but one is especially enthralled by this piggy bank cast from a real suckling pig.  One has read that piggy died of natural causes, and also that $10 from the sale of each pig shall be donated to the Humane Society. That makes one happy.

Actually, as a general rule, one likes pigs, and one also covets Karly's gold panther platter tables, so why not a gold pig platter table?

Conflict! One cannot have two tables, and one LOVES gnomes. One may or may not have had a David the Gnome fetish as a child... One also finds it funny that Philipe Starck designed a gnome table.

One does NOT want this table, as one is totally offended by the idea that a "Blackamoor" (foolish term courtesy of the seller... one would never be caught dead saying such things) should be forced to carry cocktails. One feels that whomever purchases this table is a bad person. Not that one is judgmental, or anything.

One's agitation is soothed by these multiracial baby hand soaps. One likes the tiny baby fist that appears to say, "Fight the power!" in tiny baby sign language.

One very much DOES want this bust of Lenin covered in traditional Czech patterns. One never realized how Lenin's facial hair makes him look uncannily Satanic, but one is entertained by his creepy visage in juxtaposition with the pretty pretty flowers.

One feels better now.

How I spent my summer vacation

When I first started this blog I planned on having lots of how-tos (man they are a pain to put together, hence their absence) and a detailed log of all my home renovations.  I figured the whole world my mom would be waiting with baited breath to see the exact color gray I finally settled on, or how high my baseboards were.  We've been hacking away at this blog for months now but I have yet to share a single renovation image.  Poor you.  There's so much I still need to do before our house even begins to resemble my decor fantasy but we've already done a lot in the 3 short months since we've moved in, I think it's time to give Matt and I a smallish pat on the back:

Here's my light-filled living room, I bought the house for it's high ceilings (the lowest one is 10 feet) and ginormus windows, also because Erin almost fainted from hyperventilation when we first toured the house. So Far I've ripped up the carpet, laid white and gray concrete overlay;  painted the walls gray; stenciled the big wall with the pretty pattern shown here; and ripped out the old door (to my bedroom) and put in this lovely vintage door on barn tracks.  We also installed the floating shelves, which are haphazardly arranged at present.  The furniture in this photo does not represent the arrangement I plan to maintain, but it works for now.  I also want to paint that door but, hey, one thing at a time.

Here are some progress photos:

the most tedious project of my life.  Thank god for beer and ladders.

doesn't that tile around the fireplace and the band-aid colored paint make you want to puke?  Me too, which is why I have photo #2 of Matt ripping the tile off the floor, what a good husband.

the fireplace as it stands today, still needing tile and a paint job.  Note:  Matt took the tiles off the floor in front of the fireplace but my dear, sweet mother actually removed the heinous offending tiles from the facade.  On the left are the lovely 6" baseboards we installed.  I hate wimpy short baseboards and my big-tall ceilings beg for a substantial anchor.  I love them.

here's my couch that I recently painted and recovered.  I still need to make bolster pillows.  I also want approximately 864 more bright pillows to throw across the back.  It's no dream couch, but for $130 off craigslist, it will do for now.  Plus, it's much better than it was before:

eeeewwwww, my eyes burn.

This weekend I started to move into the hallway:

right: before with band-aid walls, band-aid carpet and my cute husband.  left: I've ripped out the baseboards and the molding from around all the doors (MYSELF!) and painted it white, the lines are chalk lines I put up last night to mark off where I will be painting stripes.  When complete, the hall will have alternating 6" white and gray stripes.  We also took out all the old hollow-core doors and replaced them with these vintage solid ones.  They will be painted white along with the new trim / molding / baseboards.  New handles too.  Which reminds me, anyone have a good handle source? I found a few I like, but at $200 a pop I think I need to keep shopping.  I'll give you the afters once the hall is done.

And just because I couldn't leave you with a picture of my ugly half-completed hallway, here is a shot of my GOLD panther table.  Erin does not lie, I will spray paint anything gold, especially if it is a panther that wants to hold my cocktails.  

I chose not to bore you with photos of the dream closet renovation we did, but just so you know we're not sitting on our fannies around here, I'll tell you that we knocked out a new door in the wall (on a whim at midnight one night) so we could have 2 closet entrances, installed a boat-load of shelves and rails and hung a sweet globe lamp from the ceiling.  Now Matt isn't even allowed to put away his own clothes, I do it myself so that they can always be perfectly neat and organized, he makes a big boy mess.

So, there you have it, 600 projects down, only a million-gazillion to go.

Is This Seat Taken?

After a flurry of frivolous posts, it's time to get back to what we do best sometimes here at Design Crisis: bring you the most exciting happenings in design and home furnishings. And also show you some crazy stuff and things. To wit, I think we've all seen and lusted after this sofa by Lila Jang:

Just when the baroque trend started breathing its last gasps of pain and suffering, being as it was in the throes of certain death, this came along with its fresh and weirdness and revived a nostalgic yearning for our baroque buzz. When I saw the amazing work of Sebastian Brajkovic, I suddenly realized that the pump of love for fancy pomp had already been primed, and it has exploded in a gush of oozing adulation for this:

I imagine that Hunny Bunny and I would sit here, facing each other with domestic bliss brimming from our eyes, cups of tea perched on our laps, "How was your day, darling dearest?" "Oh my day is complete only now that we are together!"

Together! Our buttocks cushioned by a veritable menagerie of animals, we could feel the earth spinning on an axis of love as we gazed upon the endless movement of a hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssssse. Oh, those Italian futurists, they are so wry! Quelle inspiration!

Together! Pulling against gravity, our collective weight supported by the strength of beauteous bronze!

And if this were the only creation borne by dear Sebastian, he would still be a godlike hero for eternally uniting me with Hunny Bunny. Alas, alack, anon, Sebastian is a tireless worker for romancephiles everywhere. Share in the love:

Might there be room for three here...?

I shall call this one, "Lap Dance."

And this shall be titled, "Courtship."