Some Other Things I Learned in New York

If you missed Part 1 of this giant juggernaut of a post, feel free to check it out here. But like any good soap opera, this post works just fine if you haven't seen the previous episodes. New York, I miss you so much. Let's talk about all the silly little idiosyncrasies that make me want to start spreading the news.

1) Babe vs dude, and a little shop called Meg.

I'm not exactly sure what all this gender business amounts to (or if it matters at all), but Austin is apparently a "dude" town and New York is a "babe" town. I felt instantly transported away from dudedom when we stepped into Meg, a little boutique on the lower east side. Maria (only the cutest shop girl ever) treated us like her besties -- mainly by referring to us as "babe" about 150 times within the span of 20 minutes. I wanted to pack her up in my suitcase and take her home with me so we could play dress up forever and ever.

2) I love Central Park.

Is it cheesy for me to say that? Frankly, I don't give a damn. I think the existence of Central Park -- an entire mini forest preserved amongst the most expensive real estate in the world -- speaks to the goodness of humankind. The end.

3) New York, your food confuses me.

So we went to The Hurricane Club for drinks and dinner, and despite the lovely ambiance (which was much swankier at night) the food was very underwhelming. And I think something must be wrong with me, because I felt that way about much of the food in NY.

Sorry about the ugly camera phone picture, but this is my breakfast at Friend of a Farmer. I was super excited about being served in a mini cast iron skillet (although it does remind one a bit of Denny's, no?), and the restaurant itself was charming and homey beyond words. But the food? It lacked the flava. Maybe my taste buds have been burned out by BBQ.

4) The road to heaven is paved with rugs.

New York is filled with the most incredible textiles. I snapped this pic at a boutique in the West Village (can't remember the name -- was obviously too dazzled by beauty) right before I tried to lay down on the floor and roll around like a dog.

5) The Met is ENORMOUS.

Trying to navigate the labyrinth that is the Met is sort of like trying to navigate the labyrinth in Labyrinth. In other words, not so easy and occasionally annoying. And filled with lines. We missed several key exhibits (Alexander McQueen) because there were just too damn many people, but I did manage to take in a few things.

I always forget what a revelation great paintings are when seen in person.

6) Anthony Caro on the roof of The Met was amazing x infinity.

I was feeling pretty pissy about The Freaking Met (mainly because they closed down all the contemporary galleries early) but then we stepped out onto the roof and oh my gawd...

I've always liked Anthony Caro's sculptures, which employ various methods to control the viewer's perspective of the work. But watching them interact with the New York skyline took it to the magic level bonus round.

Did I mention that they also had a super fancy bar up there? So you could catch a buzz, look at great work, watch falcons glide over Central Park, and ogle cute outfits. Heaven.

7) Ground Zero is still sad.

Frankly we just ran into Ground Zero after doing our part as good little capitalist consumers to stimulate the economy at Century 21. I wasn't expecting to see it, and I certainly didn't expect for it to make me feel that way. But it did.

That's it for my big fancy trip, dudes babes. Back to our regular schedule tomorrow.

Have a good one!

What I Learned in New York (Part 1)

I could probably fill 8000 posts with all the things I learned on my very first trip to New York, but I'm going to attempt restraint and instead keep it to two whopping action packed posts filled with sucky pictures of ABC Home taken by my camera phone. What? You didn't think I was going to walk around New Freaking York with a giant camera penis hung around my neck did you? I knew you would understand that vanity trumps veracity every time. Let's do this.

1) New Yorkers get a bad rap, and may actually be the nicest people on earth.

I had kind of braced myself to land in Grand Asshole Station, but New Yorkers proved themselves to be unfailingly friendly, helpful and generous (if a little strangely accented, y'all). Never once did they call me out for being from Texas -- in fact I met many folks who had just moved up there from Austin. And you can bet that when I win the lottery, I'm moving there, too.

2) The W at Union Square rocks.

Part of the view from our window.

We got a screaming deal on a room, and they double upgraded us to a top floor. For nothing. Plus the location was awesome -- subway to midtown, easy walk to the East Village. And sitting in Union Square at 3 am drinking a 6 pack of $14 beer (I didn't say NY was cheap) reminded me a lot of hanging out in the town squares of Italy.

3) Oxfords. It's a state of being. Feel it.

If you are short like me, you will get these in a fleshy color and wear them with summer dresses.

4) Speaking of shoes, Sleep No More = Heels No More

Sleep No More combines the plot of MacBeth with the style and voyeurism of Vertigo, Twin Peaks, and Eyes Wide Shut. I can't even begin to tell you how utterly incredible this play/dance/hallucinatory experience was. If you will be anywhere near NY and can scrounge up $85 (even I could, and I am cheap), RUN to see this show. Just don't wear heels or you will be very very sorry.

5) The Grammercy Hotel bar could have better service.

I blogged this hotel years ago, so I was pretty stoked to have a drink and ogle the art here (and the art was fantastic -- current offerings include Marilyn Minter and Damien Hirst). I was not stoked to pay $50 for two drinks at a very crowded bar, but whatever. It's New York. I was downright pissed to be told that we couldn't sit at a table (that we were already sitting at) because we had bought our drinks at the bar two feet from the table. Don't worry -- I didn't let it ruin my night, and that drink was totally worth $22. Wheeeeeeeee!

6) ABC Home and Carpet is where Jesus lives. And Yahweh, Allah, Buddha, Krishna, plus some other gods I am unfamiliar with.

Oh my god. ZOMG. This place is a wonderland for people like us. It's in an amazing old building that has been in the family for over a century, and it houses 6 floors of the most incredible decor and furnishings in the universe. I went a little nutty with the pictures, so sorry in advance.

Woven nylon chairs fit for a king (or Karly).

Their displays are hard to photograph, but they make Anthropologie look like a bunch of no account suckers.

Wood wood wood. Say it with me!

Hard to see, but these rugs were textured -- parts were burn out, part were unshaven wool. Amazing.

A bench made from recycled metallic plastic. Genius!

For all your mid mod lovers. The prices were ASTRONOMICAL.

Did I mention the displays? This was on the "Economical" floor. Hahahahaahha!

Ok, so this place was filled with the most amazing lighting -- Ponti, Venini, Vistosi, Sciolari (lots of Italians up in here), but that Sarfatti chandelier was like the bitch that walks in and steals all the guys. All the other chandeliers hate her.

And here my camera phone failed miserably to record the spectacularless of this spectacle. Namely, a whole lot of bestiality is going down on the kid's floor. Those animals were all up in each other's business. I don't know, people. Seeing this changed me. Maybe not for the better.

7) ABC Home and Carpet is also where Satan lives.

Owww, my eyes! It burns!

Ok, friends, that's it for today's tour of my tour of New York City. I think we can agree that this post will be long enough to tide you over until Monday, when I shall return with Part Deux of my trip. We will cover the Met, clubbin,' NYisms, and some sad stuff.

Until then, I will be enjoying a little staycay with my Hunny and the kidlet. Have a great weekend!

B-B-B-Baby and the Jets

Ok dudes, I know no one is sitting around in this beautiful weather reading design blogs (otherwise I would have had, like, a zillion comments on my hilarious post on wood last week).  (whatever).  Since my keen design vision and insightful comedy stylings are not to be lost on blind interwebs, I'm taking this opportunity to see if there really is anyone out there.  In each of these pictures lies a hidden clue.  Look closely.  I will supply hints along the way.  Let's see if anyone can find the golden trinket in each photo.

Hidden among this otherwise unnoteworthy photo of Sir Elton John's bedroom is the most amazing image you will ever see.  Keep looking.  It's there.  I promise.

A good night's rest and fresh eyes should help you to locate the secret image among this kinda lame office in Sir Elton's apartment.

Hint:  the thing that you are looking for does not have electric boots or a mohair suit, but it may or may not be chewing on a microphone.  You can do it!  I believe in you!

Ok, do not be distracted by the amazing snake photographs / mirrored console / silver curtains in the only room that is appropriately decorated for the rocket man himself.  I photoshopped in something special just for you here.  Can you see it?

Ok, that was hard.  do you give up?  Discreetly hidden in each photo was the world's most precious baby (under 18 months division) as seen at his very first 80s dance party.  No, Lady Gaga is not his godmother, but his real mommy is pretty awesome and doesn't think much of Elton John's apartment.  Can you guess who the baby is?

ps you can see the complete snooze fest of a tour here.  pps martyn lawrence-bullard designed it.