Safari Sabbatical

First of all, thanks for your kind comments expressing support for my waffling ways. Someday we'll buy a house, but not yet. I think. Anyway I'm pretty tired of thinking about the whole thing, and now Japan is melting down and the whole world is collapsing. That's really too heavy for a Monday, so let me just say that I've developed an unhealthy relationship with vacation fantasies to cope with all this crap. Where could I run away to? I did consider the circus, but I think I've found something much more interesting (and far less painful). Check out Giraffe Manor. You can run away with me.

I realize it kind of looks like I'm fantasizing about moving into Jumanji with Robin Williams and that would be 50 kinds of freaky, but this 1930's lodge in Nairobi is for real.

How awesome is this??? It makes me want to jump up and down and start squealing like a pig in heat.

Ike would go bonkers for this shit. Or maybe he would run away screaming... I give him 50/50 odds of having a good time, but this fantasy is really all about me.

Did I mention that the house is pretty amazing, too? It was built in the style of a Scottish hunting lodge. In Kenya.

That kind of sets off my anti imperialist alarm bells, but I'm ignoring them because I want to pet a giraffe from my window like all the other white ladies... no wait, I want a pet giraffe. Do they make tiny giraffes?

I think this Sharon Montrose print from 20x200 is pretty much the only way I'm going to turn fantasy into reality right now. Meanwhile, I'm starting a vacation fund. I'm sure Giraffe Manor is very inexpensive.

Who needs a new house, anyway?

Istanbul, Are You a Turkey?

Because I'm already tired of 2011 (it's not too early, is it?) and find myself yearning for a vacay, I keep lying in bed at night dreaming of this hot and sexy hotel:

The House Hotel in Istanbul is the kind of hotel you bring to meet mama. Sophisticated, well mannered, and clean behind the ears -- I think he's a keeper.

But what if I just have my vacation goggles on? I've dated hotels before only to find dirty little secrets, like rock hard uh, mattresses pressing into my back... that's just nasty.

Maybe you could be my super supportive bff and help me size THH up? You can? Great!

Me: ZOMG look at those FLOORS! And the moldings! THH has the bones of a god, right?

You: Totes, but that couch looks really uncomfortable. Maybe THH needs a lil meat to squeeze on them bones. At least he isn't afraid to watch 30 Rock reruns with you at 2 am. Bonus.

Me: What exactly does he expect me to do with that? It's so... small. And a stool? At a work desk? Who does that! It's almost like he doesn't expect me to use it at all.

You: I don't think he does. That bed is totally giving you the look.

Me: Ohhhhh! I get it! But what if I'm not ready to go to there yet? I mean, I'm easy but not sleazy. Do you think he'd be cool if we just kicked it for a while and got to know each other? I'm so not looking for a one night stand...

You: Well, it obviously looks like he can play it casual, but I just don't know if he's relationship material. Maybe some bitch broke his heart in the past? Because he totally has his guard up. Who knows? You could be the girl to break past his strategically placed defenses.

Me: Ok, so maybe he's a little rough around the edges, but I kind of like that. And you have to admit he's pretty dang dreamy...

You: I admit it.

Me: Oh... wait.

You: I knew it. Total player. Douche. Like, literally.

Me: Oh... wow. No.

So, I guess I really know how to pick them. I'm glad you helped me avoid certain disaster, but now I need a new love to obsess over.

Has anyone created chat roulette for hotels yet? No?

I am about to make a sweet fortune.

Then I can have any hotel I want.

Bam! Problem solved.

Tree Hotel

I have always always loved tree houses.   I especially love children's tree homes in suburban neighborhoods.  I love the idea that something so primitive as  living in trees has found a niche in 21st century middle America.  Of course, I also really love a good design hotel, so OK, I probably love a tree house hotel for it's sex appeal alone more so than your run-of-the-mill suburban kid's club, which is why I would be willing to ignore my no-travel-35-weeks-into-pregnancy rule if only I had the cash money to fly to Sweden to stay in this joint:

Behold, the Tree Hotel.  With 7 distinct tree cabins, and a bunch of designy tree stuff, it almost makes the outdoorsy-only amenities worth suffering through.  (A 6 hour nature trek is their top summer excursion?  Maybe this place should get a tree pool and some tree cocktails)

Anyway, I'm never going to make it here so we'll fantasize about the rooms only

This is what the inside of the mirrored cabin (above above) looks like.  Apparently you can climb up a ladder to look out that window.  This is where the tree cocktails may not be the best idea.

Leave it to the Swedes to call this cabin the blue cone.  Whateves, there's still a good chance I would pick this one.

The UFO cabin

And the Birds Nest, which has a lovely Tim-Burton-meets-Burning-Man quality.  But I dig it.

So, which one would you dudes stay in?