Lasers in General

You dudes may remember that not even an entire month ago I got my act together and finally put my horse print up for sale on etsy.  Well, it was such a darn good time I've gone and done it again.

Lasers in General is my newest piece, printed in (ahem) METALLIC GOLD and black, he's 26" of pure shiny federalist awesomeness.  Limited edition prints are for sale on etsy HERE.  Why do they cost less than the horsey?  Because it's smaller and was much easier and less expensive to print.  Bada bing.

Thank you, Erin, for your lovely photography and styling skillz.  Don't you guys j'adore the eagle lamps with the general print?  Can I get a whatwhat?

CLICK HERE to check out Lasers in General on Etsy

And to grab one of the last horsey prints, CLICK HERE

Got Money? Old Money

I am a bargain hunter. A recessionista. A hardcore frugal shopper through and through, down to my very pith and marrow. Without the holy trinity of Craigslist, Ebay and thrifting, I would own a rug, some pillows and sheets. Oh, and those all came from Overstock -- bought with internet coupons, of course. Most of the time, I get high off scoring big ticket items on a budget, but lately I've been feeling a little resentful of my staunchly middle class life. I kinda wish I was born rich. Hell, while I'm outing myself as a class traitor and a jackass, make that stinking, filthy rich.

Simon Upton

Before I launch into this embarrassing ridiculousness, let me first apologize and say: World, I know how lucky I am to be solidly middle class. Really. I honestly, truly do. However, there is nothing like house hunting to give you a case of the green meanies. Once you really start looking, "I can make do" turns into "I want," and then "I NEED," super ultra fast. Ok, I'm done with the bourgeois guilt. Let's play: pretend we're rich old money. On a budget.

Step 1: You are probably going to need a Chesterfield sofa.

Y'all, Chesterfield sofas are expen$ive. Coming in at under $1100 including shipping, this version from Zuo Modern won't (totally) break your piggy bank. Yes, the black is perfectly serviceable and moneyed, but the silver option would be Kapow Zing. Of course, bling like that is for tawdry nouveau richies, only. (Thanks, Raina, for the tip!)

Now, add in a couple of pastoral accessories and we're in business:

Beth Dow 11x14 print, $50 at 20x200

Pendleton 5th Avenue Throw, $128. Looks so casual fancy you can practically smell the Benjamins stacked high in the safe behind Grandma's portrait.

Step 2: You definitely need an old family portrait. At least to hide the safe.

Mads Morgensen

Greg Natale

Ilse Crawford

Gunkelman Flesher

Eye Spy

What's the matter? Don't have an antique oil painting of great great great grandfather Alistair McScarypants? Yeah, me neither. I come from a long line of farmers and drunken Irishmen, which is charming, but not so heavy on the heirlooms. How about a painting of your loyal servant in Grandpa's stead?

Aw, Baxter never looked so handsome. Bonus: rich people love dogs! But don't bother getting Scruffy the pound puppy's portrait painted. Pedigree matters. Custom oil painted portraits of your pet by Johnspaintings on Etsy, $120.

Step 3: Get a pony. Preferably one that wins prizes and things. Or catches foxes.

Simon Upton

What, fools? Did you think I was going to tell you how to buy a horse on the cheap? Sorry, I'm a blogger, not a magician. But I can direct you to these fine equine inspired products:

Wary Meyers Horse print, $75. Lewis and Wood Equus print wallpaper and fabric. Priced in pounds, so don't ask me how much it costs. I'm a blogger, not a mathematician. Oh, and don't forget to buy Karly's horse print. It's extra nice.

Urban Outfitters Equestrian Rainboots, perfect for navigating horse poop and rain puddles, $48.

Step 4: You're going to need more wallpapered and upholstered prints. Way more prints.

Francois Halard

I will always have a soft spot for crazy scenic prints, but for the love of all that's British tinged Americana: no toile de jouy. This look is more English country or Connecticut Regency (yes, I just made that up) than Marie Antoinette. Lewis and Wood papers and fabrics keep the hunting look alive. Let's hope the foxes fare as well.

Also, prints should swath everything that can be swathed. Ikea's Hovas chair is the perfect candidate for an obnoxious floral print. Plus at $499, it's keeping (most of) your hard earned, middle class money in the bank. Bonus: the slipcovers provide ready made patterns for all you folks with sewing skills. Kaching! That's the sound of all the money I just saved you.

Elle Decor.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. I kind of love the way it makes my eyes vibrate.

Step 5: Get an indoor pool.

Diamond Baratta

No, your membership to the Y is not going to cut it. Rich people like to summer away... away from what, I'm not sure. Away from their mansions? Away from their servants and beautifully kept grounds? It defies logic, but there it is.

I'm afraid this is where I become markedly unhelpful. Dammit, y'all -- I'm a blogger, not a third generation investment banker, or an oil tycoon, or a Mayflower descendant. If I were, I'd invite you over to my indoor pool for cocktails and water polo. But you see, there are some things that just can't be faked in the quest to live like old money. Indoor pools -- along with owning your own airstrip, having a township named after your ancestors, or knowing how to play squash -- belong only in the provenance of the super duper rich.

Whatever. I don't need to be rich. I'll always have... something.

I'll let you know what that is as soon as I figure it out.

Put the Ike in Ikea

Today marks day one of The Hunny's stupid week long business trip to LA, which means for the next five days it'll just be me and precious Baby Ike. Now I'm not a religious person, but I do believe I just crossed myself all Father, Son and Holy Ghost, style. Anyhoo, Karly promised to think about maybe possibly potentially accompanying me and the babe on an Ikea shopping spree this Friday, which would be Ike's second trip to Ikea although he visited at least 867 times in utero. In fact, we went so often while renovating the kitchen that we may have named our firstborn son after Ikea (he's going to love this story when he gets older). These days I can't just jet off to Austin's northernmost reaches whenever I feel like it -- I have to PLAN, so I think I'm going to get started by typing up my dreamboat shopping list. Some of these things might get boughten, and some of them might not. By Friday, I will probably be playing fast and loose with the credit card, but I can always claim delirium as an excuse.

Part Most of Ikea's allure lies in its flagrant cheapitude. Clockwise from top left: the Fado pendant light will be going over the kitchen sink (but you know I will be painting that hardware a bronzy gold), Gilda pillows for the living room, yet more Aina linen curtains to form a giant sexy curtain wall behind my bed, and loads of Elly dishtowels.

I have no use whatsoever for either of these new Ikea Charlotta fabrics, but I am in love, sweet love, with both of them, especially the Block print on the left.

How adorable is Ikea's new Dekad alarm clock? As if I needed something other than Ike to help me wake up... Whatevs. For $5.99, it's coming home with mama.

The time has come for Ike to get a highchair, and I had been planning -- nay, counting -- on buying Ikea's Leopard chair on the left, but it got discontinued due to some supposed safety issues. DAMN IT. Now, instead of looking at a Casala inspired, ultra cool leopard, I'm going to have to settle for a wimpy old Antilop. Definitely not king of the jungle, but least it's cheap.

In other news, I have a pillow and blanket problem. Behold:

Cute stuff: Karlstad, super cheap Henny, and Gilda pillows in two different colors.

My blanket fetish has been spurred to new heights by these inexpensive offerings. Clockwise from top left: Henny, Stoff in charcoal and natural, and Sticka.

ZOMG I want this so bad! The new Solig solar powered floor lamps are scorching hot.

Ok, so what I really want is this dumb CB2 knit pouf thing, but it only comes in puke green. WHY CB2? WHYYYY? Must everything come in some kicky punch color? Would it kill you to make it in white or black or gray? Whatever. I plan to fill the gaping pouffle shaped hole in my life with Ikea's Alseda, which is A) not green and B) hella cheap. $29.99 -- take that, CB2 bitches!

I want a new bed, so I plan to peruse Ikea's offerings. So far, I'm interested in these fine specimens:

Queen of ubiquity, the Malm. Perhaps painted white?

I'm pretty intrigued by the Aneboda's shape, but I'm a little concerned about those screw things in the corners. Will this look like a cheap piece of crap?

And of course there is the super dreamy Edland, which would unfortunately draw the eye right up to the nursty faux wood grained ceiling fan over our bed. What? It gets hot in Texas.

Does anybody have one of these beds? Do they even make them in King sizes?

Speaking of cheap, what do you think about this:

I'm a little embarrassed to even post the Tranby, but I've been looking for a pair of round mirrors for my living room and why the bleep is everything so expensive? I don't know about this, though... I kind of feel like it belongs at TJ Maxx.

And finally, IMPORTANT! IMPORTANT! I need your help:

We neeeeed a new rug, and I want something big, cheap and flatwoven, because I am sick to death of woolen tumbleweeds blowing through the house. Which of these Stockholm rugs do you prefer for my living room? The furniture has been rearranged, but the pieces are still the same. I'm worried that the triangle rug will be too busy, but will the striped one get dirty on the white parts? Plus everyone in the universe has the striped one -- should that disqualify it? Plus I'm not even sure that Ikea still makes the large 8.5 x 11 size. Does anyone know if they still carry it?

Ok, by my calculations I have spent approximately $3459 virtual dollars, and that doesn't even include all the cinnamon rolls and ice cream cones I plan to eat. Gotta trim the list down. What do you dudes like?