Good Gifts: For the Haute Hipster

Contrary to popular belief, not all hipsters are dirty. It's true that many are mullety and mustached, but lately I have sensed an upwardly mobile air about the bright young things. Maybe it's because they aren't quite so young anymore and were forced to clean up for their day jobs at Apple, or maybe it's just because style in general is trending away from whimsy. In an economy with an uncertain future, it's expensive to be a slave to flash-in-the-pan trends, and on the streets I'm seeing a lot of timeless classics with funky layered twists. Aspirational? Perhaps. But the true hipster will still thrift it whenever possible. Fake it til you make it, bitches.

And in that spirit, let the world know who's best in show with this vintage trophy inspired cream and sugar set. $18 from Etsy.

I've been snatching up vintage wool deck blankets by the dozens. I think I'm going to try to thrift some old belts or suspenders and rig up a carrying strap like so. If you're a holiday procrastinator like me, then you can just buy this one as a gift. Tick tock, says the Christmas clock... $78 at Urban Outfitters.

You need an Antoni Tapies poster of his Ultramarine Composition. It's like Yves Klein noir. $35 from All Posters.

Anything by Pierre Cardin is an acceptable gift (except for the perfume... you know what I'm talking about). These 70s French Opera style glasses are the bizness. $15 from Etsy. Pssst, if the glasses are not not right for your giftees, check out his vintage jewelry.

Neither inexpensive nor thrifted, this leopard pillow still hits all the right notes. Animal prints look cheap in the wrong fabrics, but this needlepoint cotton and wool number is klassy yet sassy so you can (safely) take a walk on the wild side. $215 from Ethan Allen.

Adjust your frame of reference to a geologic time scale with gorgeous agate bookends by Roost. Suddenly it seems the holiday madness will be over in the blink of an eye. $71 from Velocity.

I just don't feel like I can wrap up a Design Crisis gift guide without something gold and wildly expensive... Let's just say that this diamond studded, gold plated swiss army knife costs thousands of dollars, but I'm definitely feeling that a sweet vintage pocket knife is a good gift. Check your local pawn shop -- seriously. I mean, have you seen Pawn Stars? Madness. And because I know some of you want an online hookup, there's also a somewhat lesser version of this knife (but still gold!) available through Victorinox's online store for $145.

Don't you feel richer and more expensive, yet still edgy and cool just from reading this post? If not, go back and reread... you must have missed something. It can't be my fault. (Can it?) At any rate, I hope you got some good gift ideas. Now go buy something.

Got Money? Old Money

I am a bargain hunter. A recessionista. A hardcore frugal shopper through and through, down to my very pith and marrow. Without the holy trinity of Craigslist, Ebay and thrifting, I would own a rug, some pillows and sheets. Oh, and those all came from Overstock -- bought with internet coupons, of course. Most of the time, I get high off scoring big ticket items on a budget, but lately I've been feeling a little resentful of my staunchly middle class life. I kinda wish I was born rich. Hell, while I'm outing myself as a class traitor and a jackass, make that stinking, filthy rich.

Simon Upton

Before I launch into this embarrassing ridiculousness, let me first apologize and say: World, I know how lucky I am to be solidly middle class. Really. I honestly, truly do. However, there is nothing like house hunting to give you a case of the green meanies. Once you really start looking, "I can make do" turns into "I want," and then "I NEED," super ultra fast. Ok, I'm done with the bourgeois guilt. Let's play: pretend we're rich old money. On a budget.

Step 1: You are probably going to need a Chesterfield sofa.

Y'all, Chesterfield sofas are expen$ive. Coming in at under $1100 including shipping, this version from Zuo Modern won't (totally) break your piggy bank. Yes, the black is perfectly serviceable and moneyed, but the silver option would be Kapow Zing. Of course, bling like that is for tawdry nouveau richies, only. (Thanks, Raina, for the tip!)

Now, add in a couple of pastoral accessories and we're in business:

Beth Dow 11x14 print, $50 at 20x200

Pendleton 5th Avenue Throw, $128. Looks so casual fancy you can practically smell the Benjamins stacked high in the safe behind Grandma's portrait.

Step 2: You definitely need an old family portrait. At least to hide the safe.

Mads Morgensen

Greg Natale

Ilse Crawford

Gunkelman Flesher

Eye Spy

What's the matter? Don't have an antique oil painting of great great great grandfather Alistair McScarypants? Yeah, me neither. I come from a long line of farmers and drunken Irishmen, which is charming, but not so heavy on the heirlooms. How about a painting of your loyal servant in Grandpa's stead?

Aw, Baxter never looked so handsome. Bonus: rich people love dogs! But don't bother getting Scruffy the pound puppy's portrait painted. Pedigree matters. Custom oil painted portraits of your pet by Johnspaintings on Etsy, $120.

Step 3: Get a pony. Preferably one that wins prizes and things. Or catches foxes.

Simon Upton

What, fools? Did you think I was going to tell you how to buy a horse on the cheap? Sorry, I'm a blogger, not a magician. But I can direct you to these fine equine inspired products:

Wary Meyers Horse print, $75. Lewis and Wood Equus print wallpaper and fabric. Priced in pounds, so don't ask me how much it costs. I'm a blogger, not a mathematician. Oh, and don't forget to buy Karly's horse print. It's extra nice.

Urban Outfitters Equestrian Rainboots, perfect for navigating horse poop and rain puddles, $48.

Step 4: You're going to need more wallpapered and upholstered prints. Way more prints.

Francois Halard

I will always have a soft spot for crazy scenic prints, but for the love of all that's British tinged Americana: no toile de jouy. This look is more English country or Connecticut Regency (yes, I just made that up) than Marie Antoinette. Lewis and Wood papers and fabrics keep the hunting look alive. Let's hope the foxes fare as well.

Also, prints should swath everything that can be swathed. Ikea's Hovas chair is the perfect candidate for an obnoxious floral print. Plus at $499, it's keeping (most of) your hard earned, middle class money in the bank. Bonus: the slipcovers provide ready made patterns for all you folks with sewing skills. Kaching! That's the sound of all the money I just saved you.

Elle Decor.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. I kind of love the way it makes my eyes vibrate.

Step 5: Get an indoor pool.

Diamond Baratta

No, your membership to the Y is not going to cut it. Rich people like to summer away... away from what, I'm not sure. Away from their mansions? Away from their servants and beautifully kept grounds? It defies logic, but there it is.

I'm afraid this is where I become markedly unhelpful. Dammit, y'all -- I'm a blogger, not a third generation investment banker, or an oil tycoon, or a Mayflower descendant. If I were, I'd invite you over to my indoor pool for cocktails and water polo. But you see, there are some things that just can't be faked in the quest to live like old money. Indoor pools -- along with owning your own airstrip, having a township named after your ancestors, or knowing how to play squash -- belong only in the provenance of the super duper rich.

Whatever. I don't need to be rich. I'll always have... something.

I'll let you know what that is as soon as I figure it out.