Art Hoarder

Well it's that time. It's time to fire up the hearth and dribble hot chocolate all over my white pillows, but not on the dark leather couch because that would be too convenient to clean. THANKS KIDS. Anyway, there are a great many things going on over here -- some top secret wink wink stuff that is very exciting but I can't tell you exactly what it is because I want you to live. These things are keeping me very busy, and along with client work and impending holiday travel I'm pretty much maxed the max out. Except somehow I'm never too busy to buy up enough art to start my own museum. If you follow me on instagram you may already be wise to this situation...

I think I really am going to open an Etsy store next year. I mean, this is just out of control and there is SO MUCH more. Also, I can't stop. By that I mean I have several ebay listings bookmarked that I am FORCING myself not to bid on.

For now.

Somewhat coincidentally I am currently featured on Rise Art as "Blogger of the Moment."  You can head over here to read my interview where I say some silly things, but I am serious about art. Good art is one of the great things about life.

Thanks, Rise Art!

And thanks to y'alluns for continuing to read despite my erratic posting. I promise cross my heart to make it good soon. Enter yon email to subscribe and stay tuned for updates...

Zaijian!

Benched... in Fantasy Land

Sorry for the light posts -- I had a bit of a medical scare, but everything's a-ok. In the meantime I'm on a short furlough, a bedresty plan of (in)action that involves very little save slacking. Lots of slacking. Anyhow, I really wish I were laid up somewhere fancier. A place where they gave facials and massages would be nice, but I'd bypass even that to stay here:

Chateau de la Goujeonnerie, a place so magical it's staffed by unicorns. UNICORNS.

Sure it's a little princessy, but I deserve the best... says I.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just blinded by the bling, but I imagine myself having fabulous conversations with mustachioed gentlemen in waistcoats and ladies with fabulous clothes who don't need hairspray and makeup to look good.

Then I would paw all the priceless antiques and finger the lacquered lamps before I retired to bed (which is where I was supposed to be all along... shhhhhhh).

That'll do, pig. That'll do.

Later, buds. Gotta get busy reading bad books and watching terrible tv.

Be well.

A Simple Plan

A hundred years ago I wrote the last installment of our kitchen renovation saga. Surely you have been waiting with baited breath to see the finished product, and sadly ye must wait yet a while longer. Because my kitchen currently looks like this:

SIGH. No, that is not the inside of a messy snowglobe, that is indeed our humble kitchen, which is currently being worked over by the bandit twins, Hunny Bunny and Mattypants. Matty has been installing our soapstone counter for the past fews days, and it appears we are finally in the final stages (hooray!). But for now, I am trapped in the back room due to swirling drifts of dust and stinky epoxy. DOUBLE SIGH.

So, here I am, fantasizing about hotels again, and the crazy ass Faena Hotel in Buenos Aires, Argentina, is the latest to catch my gimlet eye:

Tacky, overwrought, and stuffed full of enough red velvet and marble to make Liberace blush? Yes, yes, and yes. Swoon. And the best part is the dining room...

Do you see the UNICORN HEADS? With evil ruby eyes? Sorry about all the yelling today, but the dust is getting to me. And then there are the unicorn heads, which obviously warrant a little extra screaming.

I may need some time in the spa, so I can chill the bleep out.

Afterward, I will catch the evening show with an ersatz Liza Minelli -- someone in drag would be most suitable -- and if s/he doesn't belt out "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," I may get stabby.

Then I would dine with 19 of my closest new friends on what would most assuredly be tiny portions of minuscule quail and midget greens, followed by a mandatory chocolate milkshake.

After drinking far too much wine (yes, I am preggers, but this is MY fantasy, ok?) I would fight my vertigo while staring at the hypnotic crystal bead thingie hanging over the stairwell.

Then HB and I would retire to our deluxe suite, where we would sit back to back in our matching chesterfield couches, enjoying our alone time together.

When alone time is over, we'll head for a relaxing bath in our bathroom, where a big bang explosion of carerra must have occurred in the not so distant past. I really don't know what to think about this... lots and lots and lots of marble? Check. Swan faucets? Check. Mirrored cabinet? Check. Vessel sinks? Yes, those, too. Oh hell, I'm just going to enjoy my bath. I'm not here to do inventory.

Night night time is when the magic happens. Sorry, I could provide details, but HB is a little shy. Oh, fine. After playing with the unicorns, sweating in the spa, eating a mini brace of quail, drinking far too much, and relaxing in the tub, we're just going to pass out. Cold.

I told you it was magical.