MLS House Tour Part 1

Thursday our house goes on the market and I am shitting bullets. Or bricks. Or sweating. Or all of the above. I'm not sure how we're supposed to survive a parade of strangers traipsing through our supposedly spotless home at all hours when we own a toddler who naps and makes messes, period. If you have any experience with this, please help me. On to the tour -- today I'm featuring the public spaces. Now, you will be inclined to redecorate and nitpick but rest assured that I have already considered 1000x over every criticism you may levy against my "staging." Having the entire house clean at once and then photographing it all before the kidlet destroyed it was no easy task. Trying to appeal to buyers who do not share my taste in odd furnishings stumped me more than once. So with that in mind, let's do this.

 And that concludes our first portion of the tour. Come back Thursday to see what I forgot to remove from the master bedroom before I photographed it...

If I don't laugh at myself, I might just cry.

How Not To Stage a Home

The recession is in full swing and real estate has taken a plunge, so that means if you want to sell your home, it's gotta look good. And by "good" I mean clean, updated within the context of the neighborhood, and not crazy over personalized. I am not talking perfection, people. So this past weekend when we attended a few open houses, I was a wee bit shocked to encounter this, ahem, diamond in the rough. Cute neighborhood, lovely yard, and acres of square footage, but I knew as soon as we walked through the door and were asked to remove our shoes (so as not to sully the 20 year old carpet) that things were amiss...

Master bedroom.

Not a kid's room.

The only redeeming room in the house was the Big Cat Room. This one's for you, Karly.

Apologies for the crappy phone pictures, but I had to shoot fast for fear of discovery. My only regret is that I didn't get a shot of the Navajo room, but then you may already have had more than you can take. It's probably for the best.

Now, lest you think I'm a heartless asshole who hates pillows and stuffed puppies and crocheted coozies on zombie dolls, I'm really not. What you do on your own time is your business, but don't expect for everyone else to think sleeping under a giant plastic clam shell is chic. Buyers are nigh incapable of seeing past such things -- even me, and I've waded through mounds of rat turds while home shopping and still thought, "hmmmm... this has potential."

Oh, and by the way, this home is priced higher than this one, which is surely proof that the housing market is on wack on crack.