Agent Tom to Ground Control

What with the stock market flailing and the election looming, it seems natural to want to take a fantastic voyage to somewhere, anywhere but here (and by "here," I mean wherever you are right now). Inspired by the words of the great sage Tina Fey -- "If Sarah Palin wins, I'm leaving Earth!" -- I am presenting an intergalactic tour of... Providence? And Plano? Mars is closer than you think, so start planning your exit strategies accordingly.

Wacky firm Dupoux Design has just completed the interior of the newly opened Nylo Hotel in Providence. After months of pouring over cozy home pictures, the Nylo strikes me as... Kooky. Sharp. And maybe a little menacing in terms of scale and finish. On the other hand, if we're running away, why not boldly go where no man has gone before? (I mean seriously... when I try to imagine Hunny Bunny sitting on that tufted aqua banquette, I get the giggles.)

Lucky for us, on Mars they still serve Vodka, which is a required prong in my multipronged strategic plan to exit with style. Stay with me... I'm sure I'll figure out what the other prongs are soon enough.

If you're nearer to Texas than Rhode Island, you can always flee to The Big D, where suburban Plano awaits with another Nylo designed to keep you in suspended animation.

Ok... I'm not going to lie. I want that chair. Badly.

Somehow, though, I find it hard to believe that those chairs actually foster conversation. Isn't the point of a pod to isolate and seclude? And then HAL the hotel computer would have you right where he wants you...

Part of my multipronged strategy is NOT to get killed by a malignant super computer. If I wanted that, I would just stay and let Sarracuda finish me off.

Well, the restaurant, at least, looks more hospitable...

Kind of like a mess hall, but the company of strangers would be a welcome addition to our intergalactic colony of fascinating people, where we would enjoy conversations about the formation of a utopian society based on visual hedonism.

After dinner we would retire to discuss the necessities of subsisting with style, including Vodka, gossip, and the importance of good lighting.

Then we would say good evening and head for our respective rooms:

I'll be taking the top one as a finder's fee for organizing our Utopian colony. What's that, you say? We're a democracy? Part of my multipronged strategy calls for a benevolent dictatorship. That's not a problem, is it?

Don't make me torture you by forcing you to stand in front of this mirror, under these lights, without makeup.

I thought you'd see it my way.

Phelped Up

Guess what everyone?! Michael called and it is on!  So, rather than pushing that designy bullshit I normally peddle, let's get to planning my big trip to Beijing!  Thank God I'm a few days late for those pesky Olympics so I can find a seat up in high-falootin first class.  Now, for the hotel room.  Since M has all that endorsement cash piling up by the minute (and this blog has yet to earn me a cent) he's going to be splurging for my room.  He really really wants me to stay with him but coach Bowman says unt-uh, no way, not with all that gold on the line, buddy.  M & I sent some sad-face emoticon texts back and forth but, ultimately, we understand that love means never having to say you're sorry making sacrifices every now and then.  Since he's busy with time trials, he asked if I could book my own room.  pa-sha, how annoying.  But here's what I'm thinking:

(see full size here)

A few choice nights at Beijing's Emperor Hotel.  I'm pretty excited about that weird slide counter top in the all black bathroom (you know how I love black bathrooms) and those freaky fun hallways.  One thing I never like about hotels are the halls.  I'm pretty claustrophobic and those nondescript, long, narrow corridors always leave me grasping for air, the Emperor solves that problem with dynamic shape, fun color and cute little drawings.  I was a little hesitant to show you the bottom 2 pics, they're a bit X-rated:  The first is where M will be giving me a soapy sweet sponge bath and the second is where we will play-race each other in the pool, he'll probably let me win then toss a god medal at my face, we'll laugh about it until we fall into each other's arms in a big olympic style embrace.  See how M totally dominates at stealing my heart?  Awwee, what a cute little baby angel.

I think I'm going to schedule my arrival for when M is taking a nap so I have a bit of time to doll up before our rendezvous.  Could you imagine showing up all jet-lagged with a purse full of minis?  Oh, I would die!  I still haven't found a salon expensive enough to manage my luxurious mane but I'm pretty sure I've got the spot to get my nails did:

An unknown manicurist in Beijing pays tribute to the Olympics by creating this mural out of 28,000 acrylic nails.   I'm going to track her down a make her paint a triptych style image of M swimming across my talons. Then I will probably find out that M was her muse for this mural and I will rip her soul out of her chest... with my legs so I don't chip the new goods.

Between sponge baths, olympic gold medal ceremonies and interviews with Bob Costas, I'll probably need to take some time to plan for the love-child M and I will undoubtedly create.  Even though I'm sure he'll become a mind-blowing athlete, I should at least pretend that he might have a shot at intellectual genius so I might pick him up a few books at this quaint little shop:

The Kid's Republic Bookstore in Beijing

All those bright colors and things to climb on are sure to stimulate Junior's senses.  If I close my eyes I can almost feel little MP kicking.

After the games are finally done (and I move into M's room, thankyouverymuchcoachB) we'll probably need some down time to just take in the sights and enjoy the city.  I'll have to insist that we check out Dorophy Tang's installation over at the Adidas store.  

M will probably play all coy and cute and tell me to pick out any pair of shoes I want, I'll take my time and pick an inexpensive pair, then M will laugh and buy the whole store.  We'll use Tang's graffiti seats to furnish our London apartment.

Oh, gosh girls, it really is going to be a whirlwind, I'm so tired just thinking about it, now, if only i could find all those little bottles of booze I had hidden in my purse.

Long Weekend

Don't you all wish it were still the weekend instead of smelly, yucky Monday?  Well, you're in luck!  We here at the influential Design Crisis head-quarters have deemed this a long weekend in observation of our record-breaking Texas Heat.  (not since 1920-something have we had 37 consecutive days of triple digit heat, with no rain, might i add).  So be it long weekend, so it was written so it is done.  What should we do with this extra day?  Why, take a dip of course:

Mind Blowing Pool at La Purificadora Hotel, Puebla, Mexico

Exterior, La Purificadora Hotel.  

After swimming, my second favorite weekend activity is to peruse design magazines (perfect weekend: design magazines pool-side), this weekend I curled up with my fave: Elle Decoration UK.   Apparently the Brits like to swim too and they chose to rub it in my face by delivering pictures of some of the swankiest pools I've ever ever seen.  Here are some of my top pics from the issue.

Blood Red tile pool at the Hotel Unique, Sao Paulo, Brazil

I am so so curious to see what this pool looks like in real life.  Of course I'm only budgeted to stay in Brazil's swanky Cidade de Deus, but, perhaps I could hop the fancy glass fence.

itty bitty pics (sorry) of Therme Vals Spa, Vals, Switzerland

I love how clear the water is in the first picture, I know, it's a pool, it's supposed to be clear.  But I really really like clear water so whatever.  Those Alps in the background aren't too bad either.  I'm not sure what's happening in the last picture but I am willing to guess that it is very calming and relaxing.

2 views of Badeschiff, Berlin

Again, I love clear water.  There is no way in hell you would ever get me to swim in that yucky lake that surrounds Badeschiff's open air pool.  I love the idea that you could swim in this man made wonder and totally pretend that you are being all out-doorsy.  Interesting note:  the pool is made from shipping containers, so, yay, it's totally green (faux-outdoorsy AND green?  I wonder if I have to wear a flannel bathing-suit to get in?)

Infinity Pool at Mystique, Oia, Santorini Greece

I know it's kinda hard to tell what's going on in this picture, but I'm pretty sure it's amazing and magical.  First of all, there's an infinity pool.  There is nothing on earth better than an infinity pool.  Yes, I am so easily amused that if some silly architect tries to trick me into thinking that the water goes on forever, I feel as though I'm living in a giant posh paradise.  Also, again we see a pool near a real body of water:  nature without all the yucky nature encounters:  perfect!

These 4 pools actually weren't in Elle Decor, I just thought they looked like a nice place for us to spend our long weekend (and look, bonus eye candy without the $9.00 cover price! rose garden: promised, delivered.) 

Clockwise from top left: Azucar, Veracruz, Mexico; Rockhouse Hotel, Negril, Jamaica; Floris Suite Hotel, Piscadera Bay, Curacao; Laluna Morne Rouge, Grenada

Don't you just adore the striped ottomans at the Azucar Pool?  I think I could make myself feel right at home laying on those bad boys.  Also, since these last 4 are in Mexico and the Caribbean they all feel a bit more attainable. Well, at least I like to trick myself into thinking that.

I can't help but wonder, if I take back this 3-day weekend I just granted us all, and actually did something a bit more productive, would I be able to afford to visit one of these private alcoves of paradise rather than just fantasize and tell you about it?  Perhaps we could all go and have the world's most well-designed pool party?  Who wants to set up the evite?