One Room Challenge: Week One -- Dinette Disaster

Hello friends, old and new! Welcome to the One Room Challenge, wherein I and several other bloggers aim to transform a space in just six weeks. Say what? Am I crazy!? With two little dudes running around the house and a burgeoning interior design biz, it's a wonder we have clean underwear around here much less time to decorate. On the other hand, a very serious situation has been brewing and it must be dealt with... Fresh whitey tighties may have to wait.

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Before you stab your eyes out to stop the pain, let me (try to) explain myself. I am married to a man. I have a four year old man child. A little over a year ago, I found out I was pregnant with -- you guessed it -- another mini man. Now I love my boys to death and frankly cannot even imagine having a girl (although I am sure they are lovely, too), but for a little while there my pregnant hormones said PAINT IT PINK. My husband was horrified. My paint guru friend Sanders was apoplectic. But I couldn't let all those XYs get in the way of my pink dinette.

I probably should have.

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As soon as I painted it, I was like bow chicka bow bowwww and then I couldn't get 1980s Hustler thoughts out of my mind. Plans to refinish the table and chairs ground to a halt, thwarted by this color which belongs either on Cinemaxxx after dark or perhaps in a grand mirrored ballroom with black and white marble floors, gilded candelabras, and enormous palms planted in turquoise and cinnabar pots -- not in my very humble Browntown USA dinette.

But alas it was too late... I had a baby and put on my diaper blinders and just stopped caring for a while.  It happens. Now my little guy is walking and talking, spilled milk and jelly fingers are on the wane, and there are no more excuses for this miserable hovel. So let's discuss the space.

We bought our 1970s Tudor home two years ago. It's fairly modest by Texan standards -- about 2400 sq ft. The "dining room" is located by the front entry, but it's very small and disconnected from the living area so we decided to turn it into a study/play room:

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I like it. But now the only place our family of four (plus friends and extended family) have to eat is the dinette.

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It's a charmless room. The bay window is not symmetrical and it's topped by a soffit that conceals (wait for it) the roof. Nothing to be done about that, sadly. Also it's very dim in here because it faces north, we have tons of trees, and it overlooks a covered patio. Finally the floors are disgusting but we're not replacing them with wood until we redo the hideous kitchen. Please jeebus let that be soon.

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This is a weird corner where a fugly built in desk used to live. I like this James Montish china cabinet, but if I found something more spacious to store my out of control gilded glassware problem I would buy it.

The first step in taming this beast is paint because there is no cheaper, faster, better way to transform a space. Period.

However, this is a very tough room to choose paint for -- which is partly how I ended up with pink in the first place. It's dark, there are tons of weird angles, and it's small. Also, because it's visible from many rooms I wanted the color to make sense with the peachy ivory of the living room and the deep teal of the study. And I wanted it to be a wow color.

I called Sanders.

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For those of you new to my blog, this is Sanders Price Gibbs III. He manages the south Austin Benjamin Moore store and he picks colors for fancy places like the W Hotel, fancy people like coiffed Louis Vuitton toting decorators, and for regular people who just want to get it right. I think I'm pretty darn good at choosing colors but Sanders is a GENIUS and when I need an expert opinion I call him.

Sanders helped me choose something waaaaaaaayyyyy far out of my comfort zone of neutrals and dark muted colors (see my choices above). At first I thought he was crazy but you know what? It's just paint. Also, it is ridiculous to call someone in for an expert opinion and not take it.

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Still, I made my oldest son Ike walk the color card around the house while I took pictures of it next to paint, wallpaper, artwork, rugs, my face... he was very happy about the situation.

Then I made a mockup of what I think the room would look like with this wacky color:

ONE ROOM CHALLENGE

Here's the plan: Chain Sciolari fixture to the house because it's awesome. Have broken marble table that I ordered over a year ago (!) glued together by Dr. Marble. Clean dirty grout on floors and toss a cowhide rug over the whole situation. Use the four mid century Italian chairs that I thrifted for $20. Add simple white linen curtains with black trim on the leading edge. Maybe replace the wood blinds... maybe not. Depends on budget. Create art wall -- it will probably be a tall grouping of pictures because the chandelier obscures most singular pieces. Learn to set a swanky table like a big girl. And somehow I need two more seats... should I do a bench? Two header chairs? A banquette? This is very dependent on budget, but I need another layer of ooomph in here somewhere. I have some ideas percolating, of course.

And then there's that Farrow and Ball Arsenic paint... will I or won't I? Tune in next week to find out!

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Until then, please do check out the other uber talented participants in the One Room Challenge.

 

That Time I Auditioned For an HGTV Show

Sorry for the light (to no) posting, but things be crazy up in here. As you may have oh so cannily surmised from my title, I've been a little busy doing things I swore I would never do. Things like trying out for a reality show that involves competing for money on national freaking tv. I must have huffed too much lacquer remover because that's just nuts... right? So, here's the scoop -- I spent a week of my life shooting self portraits and portfolio pictures and filling out MASSIVE ridiculous mountains of paperwork so that I could attend a local HGTV casting call for a house flipping show. Hilarious/not hilarious side story: I was almost done laying out 15 pages of said paperwork drama on a program I don't normally use when I left for literally five seconds and turned around to find Luke standing at my computer, playing it like a piano... 15 pages totally jacked up. Hahahaha kids are so cute. Sort of.

Anyway, head shots happened:

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What? I didn't tell you that it's a team challenge? The plot thickens. So if we get on the show we have to renovate an entire house with no subcontractors. By ourselves. All of it. This is Matt, he's Karly's husband and he's a contractor. So basically my plan for world domination involves me bossing Matt around while he lays acres of teeny tiny tile in a herringbone pattern all over the walls, floors, stove... anything that will move. I can't wait for him to read this news!

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So Matt and I head to the casting at a hotel with terrible carpet. I'm not very good at selfies or apparently even at the ubiquitous instagram foot shot, because it looks like I have cankles and there's a big ugly scab with a flashing filtered arrow pointing towards it. But check out that fugly carpet! I have photo priorities.

In between nitpicking the delightful decor we're just sitting there, assessing our competitors. It seems like virtually everyone but me has spent more than five minutes on their (very large) hair and makeup, and I bet nobody else got puked on that morning after arm wrestling a 13 month old all night for four hours of sleep. Other businessy people are setting up installations for clients. We are playing (and winning) iphone physics quiz. Did I mention priorities?

To make a long story short, we waited three hours for a three minute interview. We did our silly dog and pony show, and then we went home.

And got called back.

Fast forward to a couple of days later, when I still have not slept or ironed the tired wrinkles off my face. We are then subjected to an hour long interview under lights and camera with a pair of adorably adorable ladies. I'm pretty sure I aced that shit -- just being honest (I hope). I mean I could always always always do better but I think I interview well thanks to years of teaching and many more years spent talk talk talking at my husband. Meanwhile I have no idea what Matt said because they split us up and interviewed separately for a while... like at a police station. Hopefully he didn't mention the dead bodies.

So that's what's been happening. We should know in October if we will be famous and stuff. Wish us luck!

On another tv front, Little Miss Amy Hadley and her fancy YNN crew (or maybe just Jesse the camera dude) came over Tuesday to film another House Proud segment on rugs. My favorite!!!

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I really wanted to take pictures of our house all blissfully clean and styled up, but I only had 2.2 spare seconds to shoot so this is what you get.

Can you say giant amazing lucite coffee table? Can you say it five times really fast?

Now say, Erin you're not too old to be on tv. Because apparently I have gone from shrinking violet to total fame whore. Soon I will assuredly become insufferable and direct all inquiries to my publicist, so please leave a comment now while you can.

You dudes rule.

 

Thrampage

Saddened by the realization that a super high 100" inch long black leather couch might turn my living room into a funeral home, I have turned to the shopping dark side. Friends, I have gone on a thrifting rampage -- a thrampage if you will. Historically this is what happens when I almost spend a lot of money but am thwarted for some silly reason -- like measurements. Instead of spending all that mentally allotted money in one fell swoop, I fritter it away on $5 Murano candy dishes and brass spiders. Although let's not kid ourselves, a brass spider is something to behold and well worth $5.

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A sparkly gold crystal spider. What's not to love?

I thought maybe I'd take you on a mini tour of the fruits of my thrampage. Please do not assume this represents even a fraction of the stuff I have thrifted in the last month. I just dumped two giant boxes full of Italian pottery and mid century sculptures on a client that I was too tired to shoot (the thrift wares, not my adorable client people).

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This here is an awkward space, therefore I made it awesome by surrounding my crazy Mark Sabin print with equally awesome stuff that I nabbed at thrift stores and on craigs. I would never advise my clients to attempt this at home, because honestly sometimes you have to drop some major cash (and even buy new furniture... gasp!) to pull a room together. I think I just have the thrift disease. I probably (definitely) should take my own advice and spring for a new couch instead. Or at least a better cabinet.

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But this is how I feel when I thrift... like I'm in a magical forest wearing a floral headdress. You didn't think I was waxing metaphorical, did you?

marble elephants

These didn't photograph well but I am obsessed with my new $4 alabaster elephants. I have no idea who made these, but they are gorgeous and HEAVY.

vintage elephant stand

Apparently I need to stop buying white elephants because I have four of them within view. But who could resist this guy?

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If you follow me on The Gram (that's what all the kids are calling it these days, right?) then you already know about this vintage Kurdish rug I scooped up on Ebay and put down in our foyer.

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I'm loving it with this amazing gouache painting I bought at a consignment store. And let's not overlook my brass candlebludgeons... the baby is not yet tall enough to reach them, but soon I will have to move them lest we reenact a scene from Clue.

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Ok, so I didn't thrift this wallpaper but I felt you must see the most mangled ridiculous socket wallpapering job in the history of humankind. It looks like Michael Myers from Halloween (not to be confused with Mike "yeah baby!" Myers). This makes me laugh. I really should have paid my amazing wallpaper dude to do this but I cheaped out. Bad. Idea. Jeans.

vintage brass lamp

To make matters worse I might have found this enormous insane ridiculous brass lamp a home in our living room, even though I swore I would not put another brass lamp in my house.

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"Seriously Mom, stop with the brass!"

Have I mentioned that Ike and Luke are a little tired of being dragged to every thrift shop in town? Luke just turned 13 months old but he knows exactly where we are as soon as I pull into the parking lot. You'd think the lure of cheap plastic toys and the promise of air conditioning would be enough to stave off their dissatisfaction. But no.

Did you know that Round Top is coming up... I am getting itchy just thinking about it. Are you making mental wish lists for my house like I am? Does it include a brass chiavari chair? I bought one of those, too. Because it's brass.

brass chiavari

It is vexing me sorely with a bad case of flaking lacquer that I can't remove, and also you should never clean brass with steel wool (apparently I slept through chemistry).

Let's talk about how to fix this situation.

Let's also talk about how there is a set of FOUR immaculate chiavari chairs on craigs right now... Someone please buy them and save me from myself. Please.

The thrampage continues!