Redesigned Ditties: Baby Got Back

Oh, my, god. Becky, look at that art.It is so big. It looks like, one of those abstract expressionists. But, you know, who understands those art guys? They only paint things, because, they were like total alkies, 'kay? I mean, that art, is just so big. I can't believe it's just so round, it's like, out there!

I mean - whoa. Look! It's just so ... black!

I like big art and I can not lie You other sistas can't deny That when a big paintin' hangs in an itty bitty place With that color all in your face You get sprung, wanna write out a check Cause you're a lusty wanton wreck

This art ain't made for sharing I'm hooked and I can't stop staring

Oh canvas, I wanna get with you And take your picture My accountant tried to warn me But that shape you got makes me so horny

Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-stroke Been thinking about you since I woke Well, come home, please me 'Cause you ain't an average new piece

I've seen small paintings To hell with all them things

You're a net asset, Got me goin' like a turbo 'Vette

I'm tired of magazines Sayin' gallery walls are the thing Take the average woman and ask her that Art gotta pack much back

So, ladies! (Yeah!) Ladies! (Yeah!) Does that painting match the carpet? (Hell yeah!) Then just take it! (Take it!) Take it! (Take it!) Trust your inner gut!

Baby got back!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kY84MRnxVzo

[Nuevo Estilo, Miles Redd, Gary Hutton, Alex Katz, Marilyn Minter, Robert Motherwell, Pamplemousse, Elle Decor, OWI]

Wild at Heart

This is one of those homes some people will love and many will hate. It's crazy bright, bold, full of contrast, and not without more than its fair share of nuttiness. The Hamptons beach house of fashion designer Lisa Perry is filled with more art than the Guggenheim, and all those towering white walls have the bombastic feel of a major American museum. I can't even imagine what it would be like to live here. Let's take a tour and see what you think.

White walls, black trim, lucite console, jade green and Chinese red = a good start.

For some reason I find the lamps and flowers ultra annoying, but I never met a Frank Stella I didn't want to french kiss, so this one makes the grade for me.

Those chairs are very larval, but I might have a soft spot for furnishings of the grub worm persuasion...

I suppose I could pick this apart, but I won't. Instead I'm going to imagine that I'm eating eggs benedict washed down with mimosas, and when I'm full to bursting I'll just scoot myself across the floor until I fall into the pool. Hopefully I will survive the long journey.

Look! They have my eggs ready and waiting. Over easy, how did they know?

Hey kitchen, I just might love you. I think the prints are by Enzo Mari, but I may be embarrassing myself, here. Cassie will know.

That Gaetano Pesce chair appeared in Max Azria's amazing home. Apparently it's very fashionable.

Mmmmmmm... no. Valentine's Day only comes once a year, and it should stay that way forever and ever.

Let's look beyond the fact that there are way too many beds in here and just agree this room is awesome. I want a green rug (pass on the wall to wall action) and a giant stuffed elephant in the worst way. Ok, I said I was going to look beyond it, but really -- four kids stuffed in one room when you live in a giant mansion? Or maybe it's a dormitory? Perhaps they hold Michael Jackson style dinner parties? What gives, people???

Insert your thoughts here. I probably share them.

That's it -- what did you think? Are you ready to move in, running the other way, or just planning a big heist?

[Lux Productions Photography via Trendland]

What Weekend?

It's Monday already? Well, that's stupid. Ike's playroom is coming along, but progress has been slowed by a tragic sliding accident -- Ike is ok, just a little busted up and in need of extra cuddle time. In between the big sad tears we managed to paint his room and put the furniture back into place, but there's still a lot of finishing work to do. Plus there are drills and ladders and paint cans everywhere, and we're out of milk. And now Monday is here. Poop on that.

So I'm going to get to setting things straight over here, but I promise you'll be the first to know when Ike's pad is complete. Hopefully it won't take too long to turn our house rightside up... as long as we stay away from the dastardly slide.

The amazing glass encased dioramas are by Thomas Doyle. This guy understands how stressful home ownership can be.