Rip Van Winkle

Every year I start off with a new laundry list of resolutions -- eat better, exercise (ha!), make stuff, be cooler -- but this year there's only one resolution that really matters: LEAVE THE HOUSE. Yes friends, I am finally out of the Guantanamo Bay stage of parenthood and IT'S AWESOME. Baby Ike is now magically entertained by salt shakers and menus, and wouldn't you know that mama's boy loves a good bargain. Whew! Thank jeebus he takes after me and not his thriftphobic daddy, because then I'd have to check the return policy on both of them. So, Karly and I took the Ikester out on thrift rounds recently, and I managed to score some great finds with my lucky charm in tow. In the spirit of my house sharing resolution, I snapped some pics so you could bask in the glory of my goodies, as well as in my delicious new freedom.

thrift plant stand

I almost had to scrap with some chick over my excellent new plant stand, which came from the Salvation Army for $25. Kinda steep, but it's heavy and has a mirrored bottom, and the middle thingie moves. Plus someone else wanted it, so of course that made me like it even more. But it does look pretty smooth with my new tulip chair, which is in dire need of a cushion. One day at a time...

plates lichtenstein

I totally had the Lichtenstein post in mind when I picked up this set of dishes, although Karly says they look like a Bill Cosby sweater... we can both be right, can't we? $30 for the entire set, although I need more bowls. I found some replacements online, but two bowls cost as much as I paid for the entire set. Uh, no.

lichtenstein hostel

A closeup of the totally tubular 80s graphics. The Hunny stacked them all OCD like. I'm planning to display these babies on our newly installed kitchen shelves, which I was far too lazy to photograph today. What do you people expect??? I can't shop, and take pictures, AND clean. Priorities, priorities.

sweden teapot vintage

I snagged this vintage teapot for $1.99. It's marked Made in Sweden, which probably means it's from Ikea. Still, he is very handsome, no?

ike's room

Ike picked out a few things for his room, too, like this Red Cross lightbox for $4.99, which is brand spankin' new. The hot gold lion came from Zid Zid, courtesy of Raina; Ike can look, but he can't touch mama's favorite stuffed animal. You can blame Karly for the boa constricted nightmare clown.

ike's room

You can also blame Karly for spotting this badass giraffe head, a steal for only $4.99. Say what?! Yeah. It's HUGE.

lamps

Speaking of huge, these roided out lamps make Lou Ferigno look positively diminutive. I'm planning to give them a fresh coat of white paint from tip to toe, and top them with black shades for my new Bauhaus bedroom. Hopefully my nightstands won't buckle beneath them.

I scored some other sweet stuff, like a giant vintage painting and a ginormous mirrored picture frame (apparently I have contracted a severe case of megalomania), but I haven't found a home for them yet -- by which I mean they're still stacked in the entryway. The Hunny is not excited that I'm back to shopping, not that I'm going to let it stop me from adding to the piles of unused lamps, chairs and frames I'm "collecting."

Doesn't he realize that I have six months of thrifting to catch up on?

Magic Makeover

Here at Design Crisis we strive to bring you hard hitting, sensible design information -- like where to buy a three headed sheep chair, letting you know that you need a super expensive gold plated baby buggy, and providing you with all the best tips for updating your spacepod in 2055. Well this week, between downing 200 brownies and watching Kid N Play deliver Oscar worthy performances in House Party 2 (The Pajama Jam!), I've really been too busy to suss out any practical decor tips for you guys. I know you don't want to get in the way of my freakishly hip lifestyle, so I've obliged by doing pretty much nothing. Ok, I did watch one of my fave movies of all time:

That's right! David Bowie as Jareth the goblin king in Labyrinth is here today, and he's got something to show you.

labyrinth david bowie crotch

Not that -- although if you've seen the movie, you can't have helped but notice those pants are mighty snug. Good thing?

labyrinth david bowie

That's more like it! A very well heeled David Bowie would like you to step into his cozy castle. What's that? Not feeling the warmth so much?

labyrinth david bowie

Neither is Jennifer Connelly. I mean, it's really swell that DB threw this awesome ball to convince her to be his goblin queen, and he gave her a shiny stay puft dress to dance in, and they both have special hair with glitter and colors and lots and lots of hairspray, but does he really think it's going to make up for this?

labyrinth david bowie

Look at this room! Perhaps magic spells are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails, but that doesn't mean you want them in your house. It's really no place to raise baby Toby, and nobody wants that.

What he needs is a makeover, and I think Nate Berkus -- despite mad love from me and Oprah and legions of Target shopping, gold loving ladies -- is really too polite for the task. David Bowie is the mothereffing goblin king, yo, and he needs something that says, YES, I may be the goblin king, but I am also king of the house. He needs Kelly Wearstler. WWWD?

sofa de sede

First, she would choose a couch big enough for DB to hang with his goblin homies, but also soft so he could cozy up with his lady. Oh, and a dark color with an easy wipe surface would help mask the bog of stench. The De Sede Endless sofa would do the trick.

paul evans

Next up, this Paul Evans Cityscape coffee table would add shine to the darkness, plus the glass surface is perfect for that special Ziggy Stardust. Oops, wrong Bowie... or maybe not. It's ok, dude. Whatever happens in the castle, stays in the castle.

gio ponti

You know La Wearstler loves her some Gio Ponti, so this chandelier would reign supreme over the room. It says, I am soft, but hungry. Stay out of reach of my beautiful tentacles.

1st dibs

The playas are chosen, so time for some filler pieces: A big gold head (duh), a pair of Karl Springer Onassis chairs, a brass Arredoluce floor lamp, and a Milo Baughman burlwood, chrome and brass console table.

All that's left is a stellar piece of art:

malevich

MC Escher is a bit too easy, but Malevich is perfectly hard enough to finish out the space.

And now, who's got the power of the voodoo? Who do? You do!

labyrinth redecorated

Well, I think the Kelly Wearstlerfication of the goblin castle went swimmingly, and Jennifer Connelly would be just silly to turn down DB's proposal. Next time I see those two crazy kids, I fully expect for them to be together, cozied up on the Endless Sofa with Toby.

I just love happy endings.

Holiday Gift Guide: Under $500

Ho Ho Ho, we're climbing the gift guide charts here at DC headquarters:  today we've made it to the under $500 category.  I'm hoping and preying that any of you taking notes have me on your list.  I mean, those $25 gifts were nice, but don't you really want to show me how much you care?  As Erin says, recession-schmession.  At least, I think she's said that.

You know I love gold.  and black.  and gold and black together.  So, basically, I'll be happy when you hand me any of these:

Love / Hate Convertible Chain Shades, $252

Suspiciously similar to D & G DXG Camcorder, $150

Lowrider Headphones, $128 (keeping my fingers crossed that you can find them in black.  or just all gold.  yes, all gold sounds good)

Loop Candelabra, $123  (I've been dreaming of owning one of these ever since Erin did This post)

Right out of my personal wish list: Pantone Color Bridge Set, $119

Ceramic Bubbles Candle Holder by Jaime Hayon, 387..... Euros (whont, whont)

Life Size Grazing Sheep, $448  (totally, completely, 100% worth the price) (seriously)

Equus Pedestal Bowl, $450  I wanted it for my table last year and, yes, I want it for my table again this year.

Humbert Throw by Missoni Home, $375

Park Planters, $100  You really should go to their site to check these out... most of the sculptures depict things you don't want to see in the park.  Think George Michael.  Got it?

Copenhagen Terrariums, $145 - $195  Perhaps these come with a handy guide explaining how to keep plants alive inside a sealed container unlike my vintage terrarium with, ahem, dead plants nestled under the plastic.

Braided Mixed Metal Chain Necklace, $120

Paper Cut art, $300

So there you go.  500 gifts for 500 dollars.  I mean, a few gifts for 500 dollars.  Whateves.  It really doesn't even matter at this point since tomorrow I'll be bringing you the ultimate, most mind blowing Christmas gift of your scene loving life.  Buckle Up.