One Room Challenge: Week Two -- The Case For Uxoricide

Hello and welcome back for the next installment in the One Room Challenge! Last week I laid the foundation for what should be a grueling but fairly straight forward renovation of our puny powder room. This week the husband and I began demolition of the truly heinous and downright criminal renovations wrought by previous owners, and I am having the distinct feeling that this endeavor might result in bodily injury. To me. erin williamson | design crisis

Before you decide that Colonel Mustard did it in the bathroom with a hammer, let's start at the beginning of the end.

The very day I accepted this challenge, I promised my loving husband that I would hire out every single job. That we would not spend weekends and evenings painting and fretting and hanging and rehanging art like last time. Then I couldn't find a single contractor willing to come out and even look at such a small job. Then the threat of public humiliation and impending failure whipped me into a stress filled frenzy... and then Ben caved. Because I am nice, and I make a delicious pan seared halibut, and also because I birthed his two adorable babies, he really couldn't say no to my plea for help.

erin williamson | design crisis

Which is not to say that he was happy about it.

When he started in on the Jasco paint stripper (a toxic gel with low floral notes reminiscent of Mad Dog 20/20) and I came in to document the process, the eye rolling commenced. With every scrape of shriveled polyurethane I felt his "enthusiasm" for the project dissipating, the influence of my trump card waning. I'm pretty sure he was scraping our love away.

erin williamson | design crisis

Oh yes. For the moment, let's put aside the probability of divorce (or worse) and talk about why it's even necessary to strip and stain this vanity -- why not just buy a new one? Please see the diagram above for evidence of an ugly but useful sewer cleanout that runs to the kitchen and laundry room. Unfortunately keeping it meant that we couldn't do a swanky wall mount or pedestal sink, which is ok because obviously we need concealed storage to house a phalanx of plastic toilets and pee stained training seats. Boys and their toys, you know.

erin williamson | design crisis

Toys like a long piece of piano wire, perfect for strangling the mirror off the wall. Hot tip #1: Goo Gone + sawing softened adhesive with a wire = no more nasty mirror. Hot tip #2: Don't embarrass your husband with a camera when he is holding a weapon.

erin williamson | design crisis

This wall is oozing with the kind of misery that comes from sobbing behind an ugly builder grade mirror for over a decade. I wish I could say I see instant improvement here. Instead our powder room is looking more and more like an abattoir.

erin williamson | design crisis

The tiled in baseboards have been gutted. Perfect for fluid run off.

erin williamson | design crisis

The sink is gone, the lighting is gone, scary murder gloves are not gone.

erin williamson | design crisis

Basically it's like a jail cell up in here.

I am hoping I didn't use all my lady chits for nothing... it is terrifying to consider that Ben might hate me AND that I must suffer the ignominy of a hideous bathroom.

Honestly, he is an angel sent down from the heavens above to serve me. That didn't come out quite right, but I am so very very very grateful for his help and hopefully when he reads these words he will decide not to kill me.

Also, next week I get my own hands dirty with sanding and staining and patching and painting. I stole my cabinet finishing idea from these guys and their amazing floors:

india ink floors

Perhaps Ben will at least let me stick around long enough to put this hot mess back together. And maybe to cook him a hot dinner. And other hot... things. I'm not ashamed to say that I will use every tool in my arsenal to survive.

My charms are limited. Call 911 if no one's here next Wednesday morning.

Until then, please do visit my fellow challengers. What a lineup!

Abby M. Interiors

Because it’s Awesome

Bijou & Boheme

Calling It Home

Chez V

Chinoiserie Chic

Copy Cat Chic

The Decorista

Design Crisis

Design Indulgence

Design Manifest

The English Room

The Glam Pad

Little Black Door

Mimosa Lane

My Notting Hill

The Pink Pagoda

Simple Details

My Sweet Savannah

Verandah House

2013: Year of the Wrecking Ball

Yes, I am still alive. I know it may seem like I fell off the face of earth, but that's only because you don't follow me on pinterest. Ahhhh, pinterest. Is there any place easier to access with my left hand whilst the right shoves a boob in the baby's mouth at 5 am? Nay, I say there is not. And what pinterest is bringing me these days is tile envy. Major major tile envy.

Pinterest room.

My room.

I feel that I should defend the cleanliness of our grout -- it really is cleaner than it looks in the picture! I promise! Maybe it's wet or something??? -- but seriously, what's the point? Completely indefensible.

I would kill for those $1 black and white checkerboard tiles (set in a diamond pattern, please), and even the cheapo white square ceramic tiles behind the tub. I don't need fancy -- I need NEUTRAL. For heaven's sake, who thought greenish khaki (basically bile colored) tiles were flattering in a bathroom?

Oh, and let's not forget the kitchen.

What. The. What.

So this is how things break down: since we moved in I have either been sick and pregnant, on bedrest, or the caretaker of a newborn and a sassy three year old (they're still here -- just older). I did my best to transform the things I could with paint, curtains, fabric, etc., but there is some fundamental horribleness lurking in this house that must be demolished. The tile must die. The cabinets must be painted. A bowling ball might accidentally be dropped on the granite counters.

I need to win the lottery.

And/or maybe learn how to set tile.

In the meantime, I'm going to return periodically to take you on a tour of the cute rooms I have "finished," and probably you will be so wowed by my magnificent decorating and photography skills that you will hire me to help you do one of those things.

Won't someone think of the tile? For only the price of a cup of coffee a day it could be saved.

As long as that cup of coffee is a grande starbucks somethingccino with 24k gold sprinkles on top, but who's counting.

It's good to be back.

Happy New Year!

My Friends are More Talented Than Your Friends (Unless They are the Same Friends)

Thanks so much for the kind birthday wishes yesterday! They took my mind off crows feet and liver spots for at least a few minutes, and that is priceless. Today I have the pleasure of sharing my bud Naomi of Design Manifest's super stupendous renovations of two rooms for a brother/sister tween team. If you haven't already checked out Naomi's blog, you need to head on over there and hire her to redo your entire house.

This is why:

Have you ever been more jealous of two tweens? I mean, other than Victoria Justice's legs, that blue bathroom is pretty much the thing I want most in this world. And the vanity with Swan lake wallpaper is totally the Bieber's knees.

Go see the rest of the transformation as well as Naomi's other stellar projects here.

I'm off to find an air conditioned place to do laps. Gotta get this baby out.

Laters!