Time Bandits

It's an uncharacteristically bleary dreary day here in Austin and I need a lil' pick me up. Since I'm a responsible mom and have to say no to drugs, I've gotta get my fix from the exciting world of art and design. Despite the sludgy quagmire that is my "brain" these days (from lack of sleep, not the drugs I said no to, duh), I have managed to wrangle up some heelarious artworks designed to make you giggle from mind bending time warpiness. Like this:

Natasha Lawes is the super hair and makeup stylist responsible for creating the look for this ad campaign. Because everyone enjoys watching Marie Antoinette eat a weiner.

The inimitable Whorange introduced me to the amazing works of Ron English, who produced these bastard children of KISS and Botticelli. I cannot even tell you how much I want this. I may have to rework a few of my own vintage paintings...

Check out Tula's awesome writeup on his work, as well as her hilarious recounting of her first concert here. She went to KISS. I went to Ratt. Round one in the coolness contest definitely goes to Tula. But you know, what comes around goes around...

I've got a space open for this image by Serra Glia, too. The fire extinguisher is sure to quench any fire and brimstone that may threaten my home.

I want a baby unicorn.

Every urban apartment complex needs a guardian angel lurking beneath its windows, right?

Kings of anachronism the Timorous Beasties infect a traditional gentrified toile with a dodgy London vibe.

A closeup of the pattern printed on china shows that toile can bust a cap in your ass. Perfect print for sofas and other seating, yes?

No stranger to the vagaries of toile himself, artist Richard Saja creates dichotomies of time in his Historically Inaccurate series.

By day this innocuous toile piece depicts the marriage of King Arthur to Guinevere, but by night glow in the dark superheroes sewn into the fabric appear to show you a hallucinatory good time. No drugs required.

Cut a Rug

Even though summer is coming and cool, bare floors are perfect for hot Texas temperatures, I've been thinking about rugs a lot. There's nary a stitch of carpet in our house and I like it that way, but I have a feeling baby will not. There's no way I'm installing carpet over our gorgeous wood floors, but I have the overwhelming urge to pad every flat surface in some sort of thick woolen coating. Kind of like this waiting area designed by Tjep:

Sorry about the bad picture, but are you not sorely tempted to create your very own padded cell from Persian rugs? No more fretting over paint colors or furniture choices, just tell the carpet store you'll take everything they've got in Tabriz, including this guy from Hannes Grebin:

Holy bejeesus, I totally want to start cutting up all my ugly rugs in bizarre shapes and then sewing fringe on the edges. It would solve my everlasting boredom with rectangles problem, while still allowing me to escape from the ubiquitous animal shaped rug (Cows, zebras and ponies, I prefer to see you in your natural state -- no need to undress for me).

Despite disparaging the rectangle, I wouldn't kick this sexy number out of the bedroom. Can you believe the peeps over at AT panned the Downloading Rug by Richard Hutten? Oh well. More for me. Still, I'm not sure baby would appreciate the sense of humor inherent in Hutten's rug -- unless he takes after daddy and is born a baby computer genius. Hopefully he won't take after mommy's swiss cheese brain.

Somehow I am thinking baby would prefer for me to cover everything in bright bespoke carpet, like this townhouse decorated by Danielle at Fun on the Floor. I actually think the stairs are super cuteamous, but sorry, baby -- ain't got no stairs.

Meanwhile, mommy has some rugs picked out, but they aren't exactly kid friendly.

Oh, Dan Golden's rugs make me laugh! It's a good thing his area rugs cost upwards of $13,000, otherwise I'm not sure I could stop myself from buying one.

And then there's the Roadkill rug by Oooms. Since I'm pretty sure my entire house will look like this in a few years anyway, I figure might as well save my money and pick something else.

This super textural rug by Dacia Manto might make a good base for junior's creations. The neutral background will allow his jelly sculptures to stand out while the shaggy pile will add interest to the rest of the field. Plus I just really like this one.

Did you know that Timorous Beasties -- makers of crazy wallpaper -- also makes rugs? Wait! I think I may have chosen a name for our son...

So, our own timorous beastie probably has some ideas of his own about rugs he'd like (to ruin).

This foam rug by Laurens Van Wieringen is obviously kid approved. Plus it has the added bonuses of texture, pattern and color -- three known strategies to disguise peanut butter and puke.

Apparently, older, undie clad children who can't be bothered to put down the laptop enjoy staring at the melting icecap featured in Nanimarquina's Global Warming rug. Seriously, what is up with this picture?

Another Dan Golden gem. This one's a bit more age appropriate. Of course, I still prefer his Morphine rug.

How cute is this rug by Richard Niessen and Jennifer Tee? This would truly, honestly look great in the nursery, but I shudder to even contemplate its cost. I'm not too bummed, though, because although I love this rug, it's not even my favorite one.

I've pretty much decided on Dialogue, by Anne Lykke:

That's right. Do I care that it looks like (and may actually be) a photoshopped image of a standard shag rug with a few moppets thrown on top? No, I do not. I would cover over my wood floors for this rug. Nevermind that the cat would get lost in a sea of wooly stands, or that we might lose the baby altogether, it looks so soft. And simple. And that sounds good right now.