Spring has NOT Sprung, Damnit!

While you dudes are blissfully watching the snow melt off of branches and ushering in the coming of spring, I am fighting it off tooth and nail.  It's a balmy 82 degrees here in austin and the only ice I've seen for the last few months came out of my fridge.  This is why, my friends, I will be spending the next 5 fun-filled days on the slopes in Vail, Colorado.  Holla! I wanted to bring you a ski cabin related post today but most of my searches ended with pictures like this:

This from a site that promises to show you how to "create your own ski lodge look."  Let's get this straight, this chair should not ever be seen near a ski slope, much less in some living room in the Carolina suburbs.  I'm not giving you a link because no one should ever learn to do this. The madness doesn't stop there, google roulette fed me all of this:

This is in Vail!  That mural is not ironic!  Knock out a hole in the wall where that mural is and enjoy the view that you most certainly have.  And why for the umbrella?

Look!  Eddie Veddar inspired seating, how quaint.

For a modern twist on the ski chalet, try ignoring the space you're working with.  Oh, and don't bother with making your curtains reach the floor.

If your constantly concerned that you won't feel like royalty while relaxing in your cabin, you could rent this pad:

Seriously, What is going on here?

I searched high and low for some good pictures for you folks.  Even my tried and true design hotel resources couldn't save me this time.  However, I didn't want to leave you with BOTH of your eyes bleeding, so I'll spare your souls with a few shots from every blog on earth's fave, Suzy Hoodless.  Hey it's not a ski resort, but the place had "lodge" in the name, so I'm going with it:

Ok, you caught me:  Erin posted some of those pictures before.  But, hey, I'm about to go on vacation, what do you expect?

Thankfully, I'll be staying with my aunt, who is an interior designer with impeccable taste, so my digs should more closely resemble the latter rather than the former.

While I'm gone I've got some badassical guest blogging posts lined up for you:  Erin will be rockin her usual days next week, but Raina, from If the Lampshade Fits will be giving you a shoutout on Tuesday and NerF from Designer's Brew will be bringin it home on Thursday.  Stay Tuned!

Peace out Bitches!


How Not To Spend Your Lottery Money

Today's post isn't as much about decor porn as it is about excessiveness, design abominations and the frivolity of tasteless wealth.  I'm talking, of course, about the Millionaire Fair.  In the spirit of overindulgence, I have invited one of our favorite bloggers, Raina, of If the Lampshade Fits, to join in the debauchery.  After all, we all want more, more, MORE!  Right?

 Since 2002, the Millionaire Fair has presented "a fairytale for the affluent, a cornucopia for culinary fans and a feast of superlatives."  (their words).  I asked Raina what she thought of this and of the future of the fair:   "Sadly, this fairy tale may end with a Grimm (ahem) case of affluenza, the symptoms being a shaky world economy, freezing credit, and painful portfolio shrinkage."   Probably, Raina, probably.  But we can still remember the good ole days, right?  And it's hard to imagine that I might not be able to pack a bevy of basketball player's wives into my converted Porsche-Winnebago for a road trip to visit this little gem myself.  The Lights!  The Fashion! The Enter-tain-ment!  I can't bear the thought of missing such sights:

Raina agrees:  "Doesn't it all sound delicious?!? Like an unfettered fantasy romp through a Disney-fied "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous."  The reality of which may come closer to "The Real Housewives of Orange County," replete with fake tans, fake boobs and fake personal pedigrees, than to any dreamy vision of privilege and grandure. (When your Mistress of Ceremonies is Elizabeth Hurley, who would show up to the opening of an envelope for the right price, you're off to a roaring start.) 

 "I have to wonder if the different venues dictate different product mixes.  Istanbul (sheiks and oilmen) would host a different type of swank than say Moscow (Peristoika-fed oligarchs) or Shanghai (Asian mafia).  The video highlights include a runway show featuring Fendi fashions, more appropriate for Munich or Kortrijk, Belgium.  Still photos show a very different and rather questionable mix of ensembles that are decidedly not haute couture (cough, Amsterdam, cough).  Is the height of chic a cheap-looking geisha robe over jeans from the Monica Lewinsky for J Brand collection?  With knee-high hose and payless pumps?  I must have missed that memo.  I'm not even going to comment on what looks like Sarah Palin's idea of Alaskan High Fashion."

After being assaulted by a myriad of poorly shot images from the fair (way to budget for a real photographer, Millionaires).  I can't help but wonder if I'm over analyzing the entire event.  Afterall, this appears to be just like an American auto show with ice sculptures replacing the rebel flags and Prada-and-skin-clad-girls with $400 dye-jobs replacing the spandex-and-skin-clad-girls with home perms.

Noting the dumbed up version of american ephemera, I show Raina a series of photos from the fair and ask for her comments.  Like any aspiring apathetic millionaire, I know when to delegate:

Tiffany, recognizing the need to reach out to a wider customer base, introduces the "Bridge and Tunnel" line of gifts.

Millionaire Fair "hostesses" come with a sanitary sash, discreetly replaced after each use.

The Millionaire Fair-ies welcome international dignitaries and guests

Ravaged by the current economic crisis, the U.S. Space program looks to the Millionaire Fair to secure sponsorship

The Windsor knot tells you this is a Millionaire Fair performance!

After careful surveillance I've absorbed Raina's observations and work up a couple equations, I believe my math holds water:

after all, here is a quick web-roundup of some products you can expect to see at the fair:

Do the very wealthy suffer from congenital sensory deprivation that can only be aided by attaching tactile sparkly bits to every last item they own?  Asks Raina 

I think Raina is on to something, but I think the target group is a bit more specific, and feel the need to pinpoint the demographic.  Get out your diamond-encrusted TI-82s:

By this point, of course, both of our heads are spinning:  The wealth!  The indulgence!  The brazen disregard for taste!  Can't. Go. On.  It is here that we (again, in the spirit of extravagance) ask for your input on this post.  I'll present a series of quick-fire questions.  You fill in the blanks.  Winner receives a gold-plated hunter's duck decoy coated in millions of precious stones courtesy of Harry Winston*

*actual prize and sponsorship are nonexistent.  winner gets love.

1.  Tie-dye is to hippies as _____________ is to attendees of the Millionaire Fair

2.  Myspace is to Social Networking as ___________________ is to the Millionaire Fair

3.  Ego infested socialites are to taste and class as _______________ is to ____________

And real quick like, before anyone leaves comments about wealth and jealousy and how we're a bunch of bitter hos, let me say:  I have no problem with millionaires,  are you kidding?  I wish I were one!  However, if I'm ever so lucky, I will never in a gazillion years sacrifice taste and composure in exchange for a plane ticket and admission to this so-called-luxury event.  Where is the design hidden in these comforts?  Where is the craft?  Where is the empathy for humanity?  I don't have a problem with the wealthy, but as soon as someone buys a $42,000 shirt, I have to raise an eyebrow.