Magic Makeover

Here at Design Crisis we strive to bring you hard hitting, sensible design information -- like where to buy a three headed sheep chair, letting you know that you need a super expensive gold plated baby buggy, and providing you with all the best tips for updating your spacepod in 2055. Well this week, between downing 200 brownies and watching Kid N Play deliver Oscar worthy performances in House Party 2 (The Pajama Jam!), I've really been too busy to suss out any practical decor tips for you guys. I know you don't want to get in the way of my freakishly hip lifestyle, so I've obliged by doing pretty much nothing. Ok, I did watch one of my fave movies of all time:

That's right! David Bowie as Jareth the goblin king in Labyrinth is here today, and he's got something to show you.

labyrinth david bowie crotch

Not that -- although if you've seen the movie, you can't have helped but notice those pants are mighty snug. Good thing?

labyrinth david bowie

That's more like it! A very well heeled David Bowie would like you to step into his cozy castle. What's that? Not feeling the warmth so much?

labyrinth david bowie

Neither is Jennifer Connelly. I mean, it's really swell that DB threw this awesome ball to convince her to be his goblin queen, and he gave her a shiny stay puft dress to dance in, and they both have special hair with glitter and colors and lots and lots of hairspray, but does he really think it's going to make up for this?

labyrinth david bowie

Look at this room! Perhaps magic spells are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails, but that doesn't mean you want them in your house. It's really no place to raise baby Toby, and nobody wants that.

What he needs is a makeover, and I think Nate Berkus -- despite mad love from me and Oprah and legions of Target shopping, gold loving ladies -- is really too polite for the task. David Bowie is the mothereffing goblin king, yo, and he needs something that says, YES, I may be the goblin king, but I am also king of the house. He needs Kelly Wearstler. WWWD?

sofa de sede

First, she would choose a couch big enough for DB to hang with his goblin homies, but also soft so he could cozy up with his lady. Oh, and a dark color with an easy wipe surface would help mask the bog of stench. The De Sede Endless sofa would do the trick.

paul evans

Next up, this Paul Evans Cityscape coffee table would add shine to the darkness, plus the glass surface is perfect for that special Ziggy Stardust. Oops, wrong Bowie... or maybe not. It's ok, dude. Whatever happens in the castle, stays in the castle.

gio ponti

You know La Wearstler loves her some Gio Ponti, so this chandelier would reign supreme over the room. It says, I am soft, but hungry. Stay out of reach of my beautiful tentacles.

1st dibs

The playas are chosen, so time for some filler pieces: A big gold head (duh), a pair of Karl Springer Onassis chairs, a brass Arredoluce floor lamp, and a Milo Baughman burlwood, chrome and brass console table.

All that's left is a stellar piece of art:


MC Escher is a bit too easy, but Malevich is perfectly hard enough to finish out the space.

And now, who's got the power of the voodoo? Who do? You do!

labyrinth redecorated

Well, I think the Kelly Wearstlerfication of the goblin castle went swimmingly, and Jennifer Connelly would be just silly to turn down DB's proposal. Next time I see those two crazy kids, I fully expect for them to be together, cozied up on the Endless Sofa with Toby.

I just love happy endings.

Silver Is the New Gold.

Oh, you heard me. I've been thinking that silver's getting a bad rap on the 24K-clad pages of our beloved Design Crisis. Okay, maybe not a bad rap so much as completely ignored. Uh-huh, talk to the hand, silver. Well, silver's feelings are hurt. Gold is an attention whore but silver is not the homely stepsister. Not today anyway. Today is silver's day to shine. Greetings D. C. junkies, I'm Hello Gorgeous, former advertising copywriter and blog raconteur. I was heavily into retail both in home and fashion but home is really where my heart is. Now, onto the glittering goodness.

The Grand Entrance Hall by Randall Beale and Carl Lana, Kips Bay Showhouse '07, House Beautiful

Foil-covered wainscoting? How clever. How Warhol-esque. You know you've been looking for just the right symbol of your disdain for the bourgeois ethic.

The only thing more fabulous than aluminium foil-covered paneling is a slinky, Medusa-like mercury glass chandy, compliments of the room next door:

If you are not into tentacles sprouting from your ceiling, you may be interested in a glistening wad of balls (oh, don't be coy; you know who you are).

The silver ball chandelier from Graham and Greene appears to have nipples, which would make it porny perfect for this blog but, alas, I believe it's an illusion and is merely cut glass detail.

Speaking of nipples and porny perfection, Dancer by Jimmie Martin. Perfect if you're looking to give a special room a certain luster.

More traditional tastes will love this sunburst mirror from 1st Dibs. (Perhaps if we call it mirror flambe, Raina and Molly will like it. :-))

It would go perfectly over this carved marble fireplace flanked by the incredible edible Arne Jacobsen silver egg chairs.

House Beautiful

Edible, maybe if you're this guy:

Jaws, James Bond circa 1977

You'd like to be a fly on the wall of that room, you say? Rob Wynne's oversized ode to Kafka might be just what the Orkin man ordered.

Photo New York Times 


How can I let this post go by without a shiny horsey for Karly: heigh-ho silver, away!

Italian art glass pony from 1st Dibs

And it wouldn't be a post by me without a lustrous deer head.



I am undecided about these Sau-sage chairs by Jimmie Martin. Half of me likes them and half of me doesn't.

Will somebody please put this lamp on a table between those two chairs? Because crocky looks like he may need a dog morsel or two for lunch. From the land of overpriced fug, Vivre, $2500.

If you are still suffering from delusions of market grandeur, behold the bull stapler for dazzling office dreamz. Ironic that Bullshizzle should be the symbol for Wall Street, no? Vivre, again.

And finally, a bit of gratuitous room decor compliments of the silver-tongued Silver Fox himself:

Just turn on your TV and add him to whichever room you wish.

See? That wasn't so bad now, was it? In fact, I'll bet you're thinking that silver's quite the hot commodity after all.

Disclaimer: All opinions expressed by Jim Cramer Hello Gorgeous on this blog are solely HG’s opinions and do not reflect the opinions of Karly, Erin, the staff of Design Crisis, its parent company or affiliates, and may have been previously disseminated by HG on television, radio, internet or another medium.

Procrastination Nation

I'm sorry I haven't finished my top design post yet, I keep getting sidetracked with this pesky little thing called commonly referred to as "work."  I was able to procrastinate earning an income long enough to read my 1st dibs newsletter, which put me in a state of deep deep desire.  The coveted objects?  These lights from antiques dealer Donzella LTD.:

Crystal and Brass Hanging Fixture by Fontana Arte


Pair of Delta Parete wall-mounted lanterns by Sergio Mazza

I also probably need this:

Sculptural Table Lamp by Carlo Nason for Mazzega

Ok, back to work.  I PROMISE to have the top design round up of your life oh-so-soon