So I bought a copy of Vogue to read on the plane to Hawaii. I don't normally indulge in fashion porn, but it had this awesome picture of Michelle Obama on the cover and I couldn't resist. Hidden deep within the magazine I found an article on modern art displayed at castles that blew my mind, and not in a good way. It opens with the writer quoting a princess pal, '"We have an enormous portfolio of [castles]," she said, sighing. "... in the modern world it's a matter of finding a point to having one, especially when life really revolves around cities."' WTF?! Did you just read what I did? Is she really complaining about having TOO MANY CASTLES? Is she really complaining about having too many castles when tent cities for the homeless are springing up all across America? Um, hello -- Grapes of Wrath, much? Not only that, but look what the super rich and super bored have chosen to do with the extra castles they have lying around:
Ha. Ha. Ha. What a hilarious joke! I'm grabbing the castle! Bust.
If I had a castle, it wouldn't matter if it were in Timbukfreakingtu. Everyone I know would be knocking at my door, all, "Wasssup!? We grillin' tonight?" Why? BECAUSE I HAVE A CASTLE. And it would be a hell of a lot cooler than these stuffy warehouses for furniture "updated" with fugly sculptures.
First of all, it would be majestic. Methinks the Drottningholm Palace in Stockholm is lovely and spacious enough, and I always enjoy a good lake view.
Nothing wrong with having a private theatre, is there?
I am all over that floor, the mural overhead, and the supersized chandelier.
And I wouldn't mind housing a Delft collection in my Delft blue room.
But one wild night of boozy barbecuing, and all that gilded damask would be reduced to tinder. I just can't get behind all that fancy furniture, especially with the fancy surroundings.
So, while I'm dreaming of stealing a castle from the rich to give to my nouveau poor middle class self, I may as well dream up some new furnishings to go with, don't you think?
Maybe crazy new French furnishings company, Moustache, has got it right. You all know how much I love a mix of old and new, so Moustache is pulling at my heartstrings with their super mod collection shot in super regal settings.
Yes those are lamps that look like puffy marshmallows, but I dig the contrast.
At least I wouldn't need to buy myself a chef hat for the barbecue, right?
It's good that Moustache doesn't make a lot of pieces with small, delicate parts, as those things tend to end up casualties of late night parties. The bright colors help offset blurred vision, too.
Oh yeah, and I'm having a kid. Here's where the nanny will babysit him in the nursery.
So what do you think? I'm having a party at my new castle and you're all invited! You don't mind that it's not in the city, do you? Or that it doesn't have a giant, menacing hand outside? Well, at least if you lose your job I've got some extra space, and some extra chairs to boot. Hooverville Palace, here we come!