Buy My $h*t Off Craigslist!

After getting contacted by a professional organizer from the Hoarders show (seriously!), I figured it might be time to confront my "issues" and punch them straight in the face. Ok, and I will sheeplishly admit that I bought yet another couch that we have absolutely no use for, and Ben finally said that enough was bleeping enough. So we spent this past weekend rearranging furniture, photographing stuff for craigslist, and dealing with a fair amount of flaky beeyotches (and some super nice folks, too). I sold half of it, but I thought I might share a few pieces of the hoard with you -- mostly for your entertainment, and also to see if you want any of this crap beautiful furniture for your home. You know you do.

I mean, who would not want this king sized peach taffeta tufted headboard with matching coverlet? Gents, just try to stop yourselves from emailing me RIGHT NOW to reserve this bad boy. This sucker begs for strawberries and fine fine champagne in bed -- not that we would ever mar this baby with our own foodstuffs.

No sir. Just look -- pristine and smooth as a baby's butt. Kind of even looks like one.

How about four vintage Saarinen style captain's chairs? Sure, they are cushionless and could use a good cleaning. Sure, for some inexplicable reason the top lifts completely out of the base when you try to pick them up (anyone out there know how to fix this?). But there are four of them. And they are hard to find. Buy them. Please.

I'm just going to give these vintage lamps to one of my friends if I can't sell them. That's how little I care about them. Oops, I mean, "that will be $60 for the pair, please."

On the other hand, I would like to get approximately one brazillion dollars for my gigantic Italian glass Marbro lamp. I didn't even bother putting it on craigslist because I know some chump would just offer me $25 for it, and that would make me very cranky. Anyone know a good dealer?

Enough with the depressing stuff that didn't sell. Let's talk about my success stories.

I made a tidy little profit off our Danish table and six janky broken chairs, sold to a guy who sweet talked me into holding it for him by bribing me with Momma cookies. He turned out to be a dealer AND I didn't get no cookies. Well, at least I'm 99% sure he was a dealer. He never actually admitted it, but he didn't deny it when I asked him point blank. He did say that it was for his own home, but I think that was a dirty dirty lie.

Should we talk about craigslist ethics, here? I mean, I don't mind working with dealers, but why lie about it? Don't be a shady bastard.

I would have to say the highlight of my weekend was selling our Mulhauser Mr. Chair to a guy who really really likes it. Plus it was his birthday and he was really hungover, which was extertaining. Plus he really liked our house, and is thinking of buying something near our neighborhood... So, in my fantasies I have already sold our house and most of the remaining contents to him and his nice wife, while the hunny and I retire to the country, comforted by the fact that our beloved ex-home is in good hands.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to be alone with my fantasies, please.